


Real Me

by orphan_account



Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-04-01
Updated: 2010-04-01
Packaged: 2017-10-08 14:09:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 24
Words: 52,013
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/76419
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Buffy steps out of the Bronze one night for some air, she's hurtled into a new world that will change her irrevocably...as will the blond vampire lurking in the shadows...</p><p> </p><p>AR- Buffy is not the Slayer!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I've taken a lot of liberties with the timeline to make this work. Imagine normal!Buffy in UC Sunnydale, season four time, and Dawn in Buffy's position in season two- a junior in high school, who's already done pretty much everything Buffy did in the series

[](http://s110.photobucket.com/albums/n93/TREBRAT/?action=view&current=RealMebanner.jpg)

  


 

It was all Parker Abrams’ fault.

 

No, really. I mean, talk about your early college screw-ups! Me all new and nervous, he pulls the vulnerable act, and next thing I know, he’s telling me he’ll “see me around.” As if it wasn’t bad enough trying to get over the disaster that was losing my virginity to Scott Hope the year before and having him totally walk out on me...

 

So yeah, I was depressed, and Willow and Xander were being super supportive and bringing me to the Bronze for old times’ sake and some therapeutic non-Parker time. But when I turned and saw _him_ sitting at the bar, chatting up another na•ve co-ed, I needed some space.

 

“You sure?” Willow asked me, concerned.

 

I managed a grin. “I’ll be back in a minute. Just gonna get some fresh air.” It was stupid, of course. People who go out to get some fresh air or… just get some…behind the Bronze don’t usually come back. Common knowledge that no one really liked to think about. I mean, serial killer on the loose means no more partying, right? So I was doing the whole selective-thinking thing. What was going to happen?

 

In my haste, I brushed past a girl and nearly knocked her down in the process. “Sorry,” I mumbled, then blinked. “Janice, hey!” My little sister’s hellion of a best friend smirked at me in response, and I followed her gaze, turning to see Dawn behind me.

 

“Buffy,” she nodded at me, looking a little annoyed. Like I was on _her_ turf. Puh-leeze! So I went to college. Doesn’t mean rights to the Bronze go to Dawn.

 

Maybe once, I would’ve been happy to see my sister around. We used to be close, back before Sunnydale. Did sisterly things like shopping and makeovers and gossiping about celebrities… Then she went into some weird juvenile delinquent stage, burning down the school gym and ranting about monsters. So Mom and Dad had her sent to a mental hospital for a bit, and I was left alone to deal with the great news that they were getting divorced. Dawn came home, and I guess we just drifted apart.

 

When we started in Sunnydale, she kept up the whole bad girl thing out of Mom’s earshot. But really, how stupid did she think I was, that I wouldn’t notice her climbing out the window at night to meet up with some big hulking boyfriend at midnight? Or her talking to Janice about meeting up at cemeteries, or the nonstop cutting of classes to hang out in the “library”? Like Dawn reads! I figured that she was in a gang with Janice. I wouldn’t be surprised if her friend had gotten her into it- that girl was just trouble.

 

I never made a big fuss about it, knowing how stressed Mom would get. So I mostly ignored Dawn and let her wreak havoc on her own.

 

But now I was in college and going to be the mature one, so I put a wide smile. “Dawnie! Didn’t expect to see you here!”

 

She scowled. “Don’t call me Dawnie. I’m not a kid.”

 

“Sure as hell acting like one,” I muttered under my breath. So much for mature. But she was so aggravating!

 

“Get over yourself, Buffy,” she said scornfully, rolling her eyes. “Shouldn’t you be off getting drunk at some frat party right now?”

 

“Shouldn’t you be burning down SunnyD High right now?” I shot back.

 

“Tempting,” Janice offered, sidling up next to Dawn with a glass in her hand. “Maybe we should put that on the agenda for parent-teacher night. Snyder would have a cow.”

 

I squinted at the drink. “Is that alcohol?”

 

Dawn sighed. “Move along, Buffy. Find some nice one-night stand and leave us alone.”

 

That stung, more than I wanted Dawn to know, so I just gave her a scathing look and headed for the back alley of the Bronze at double speed. Luckily, there were no couples making out there at the moment. I didn’t need any more reminders of the action I so wasn’t getting.

 

I took a deep breath. _Think happy thoughts…non-Parker thoughts…_ Damn. No luck. But then, a distraction!

 

The door slammed open, and a big guy appeared, saw me, and grinned. “Delicious.”

 

As if my life couldn’t get any worse. The serial killer shows up. It figured.

 

I started to run, but before I could get my legs to work, the guy had my head in his hands and was _growling_ at me. And through my terror, I could tell that there was something weird about his face. It was all bumpy, and…_were__ those fangs?_ He bent toward my neck while I struggled futilely…

 

And he was suddenly yanked off of me by a strong hand belonging to a tall girl I knew well…or, apparently, not at all.

 

“Slayer,” the guy snapped.

 

“Slayee,” my little sister retorted, then slammed the guy with a punch strong enough to make him reel backwards.

 

I watched in silent horror as Dawn and the monster-guy traded punches, each more powerful as the next. Shell-shocked, I barely noticed as Janice pulled me away from where they fought, hissed, “get inside!” to me, and ran back into the Bronze.

 

I didn’t go back inside, but backed up into the shadows, my eyes still glued to the fight.

 

“Aren’t you a pretty thing,” a voice right next to my ear purred, and I jumped, turning to stare at the man beside me. _When did he get here?_

 

“Stay away from me,” I warned, my voice shaky.

 

He laughed at me. “You’re lucky I’ve got some business with the Slayer, or you’d be dead already, pet,” he warned me in a low, accented voice. “But now that I’ve had time to consider it, I think I’m going to save you for Dru.”

 

I edged away, and his hand caught my wrist. “Don’t move, or I’ll drain you dry now, anyway.”

 

I froze. Drain me dry? What was he…

 

Then Janice came running out with a wooden stick in her hand and it all clicked into place. The monster’s fangs, the stake that Dawn had just plunged into the guy’s heart and the dust he became…

 

_Vampires!_

But before I could reel from that information, my captor was emerging from the shadows, clapping as Dawn turned to stare in disbelief. “Nice work, luv,” he drawled, and I took the moment to slide away from him and move closer to the door.

 

Dawn gaped at him. “Who’re you?”

 

“You’ll find out on Saturday.” I was past the bleached blonde’s back, and in the light where Dawn could see me.

 

She glanced at me, but kept her attention on the man. “What happens on Saturday?”

 

The man’s expression didn’t change, nor did he even turn to look at me. “I kill you.”

 

Dawn visibly flinched, and the guy smirked and moved away, pausing only for a moment to murmur in my ear, “Another time, luv.”

 

Then it was just us.

 

“Dawn,” I said weakly, staring at her. “_What the hell just happened?_”

 

\--

 

I lay in bed later that night, my eyes fixed on the ceiling while Willow slumbered peacefully in the next bed. What Dawn had told me was unbelievable. Vampires and demons? Real. Dawn? Some sort of superhero whose sacred duty it was to fight them. Sunnydale? Apparently, the mouth of Hell. No gangs, no delinquency, just Dawn, Janice, the school librarian, and some guy named Angel trying to stop the bad guys. My sister the superhero. It sounded like some cheesy action movie Xander would drag us to. But apparently, this was the real deal. Dawn had killed, no, _staked_ two vampires last night while I watched.

_“This isn’t a game,” she’d warned me. “This isn’t something you can do, just because ‘Dawnie does it.’ Slayers…the Slayer is unique. So don’t start wandering cemeteries at night with a piece of wood, thinking you can take on the vamps. You’re not strong enough.”_

_“And you are?” I’d retorted. In response, she lifted up the Dumpster beside us in that alley and raised it over her head._

_“Yes,” she had said simply._

 

I sighed. Dawn knew me too well. I wasn’t just going to let this lie.

 

“So Janice is also a Slayer?” I’d demanded. “You said one per generation. How does _she help you if she’s not strong enough?”_

_Dawn had looked very tired. “Janice…helps with other things.”_

_“Magic,” Janice had added cheerfully. “Research. Okay, fine, Giles does the research while I bring the coffee,” she conceded. “Plus I’m fully trained in six different types of fighting, including a bunch of martial arts.” She faked a punch. “I can defend myself.”_

Magic. Huh. If that was real, too, maybe Willow’s Wicca group wasn’t as full of crap as I’d assumed.

_“Well, it doesn’t matter much, in the end, does it?” I’d pointed out crossly. “I can stay out of the cemeteries and still get bitten at the Bronze. Twice.”_

_Dawn had nearly growled at that. “Just…stay out of isolated places, Buffy. Don’t invite strangers into your dorm room. I can’t always be there to save your ass, you know.”_

 

“Like she’s God’s gift to humankind,” I muttered. “She can’t keep me from doing a little vamp hunting of my own.”

 

It was a lot harder to be scared when I wasn’t less than a foot away from a vampire out for my blood. Now I was just angry. I hated feeling helpless, and I hated having to be saved by Dawn.

 

_There are defense classes on campus_, I told myself. _Starting tomorrow, you’re going to learn how to fight back._

 

I would _not_ be the stupid damsel in distress in the saga of “Dawn the Great.” I was going to learn to hold my own. And if I ever saw that British, peroxide-blonde vampire again, I wouldn’t freeze in terror.

 

I’d turn him to dust.


	2. Chapter 2

“Which would you prefer to lose, your hands or your eyes?” Xander greeted me as I sat down in the caf.

“How is it that you seem to spend more time in my college than I do?” I responded, eyeing the strange brown thing on my plate that was attempting to pass as meat loaf. 

Xander reached over me and snagged my jello. “Oh, sure, pick on the ice cream man.”

“Ice cream? That’s new,” Willow commented, looking up from her psychology textbook. “What happened to pizza delivery?” 

Xander shrugged. “Turns out they get pretty pissed when you don’t get the pizza there in less than thirty minutes. Ever.”

Willow snorted, but tried to look sympathetic.

I considered. “My eyes. Because then I could still do the whole Braille thing, and really, you’re like totally helpless without your hands.” 

“True,” Xander agreed. “Not to mention that it would make things rough during-“ He stopped abruptly. “I have _got_ to get more guy friends.”

Willow rolled her eyes and shut her book purposefully. “You really do. Now be quiet! Buffy and I need to talk about boys!”

“Boys?” I leaned forward. “Willow, is there a boy you want to tell us about?”

Willow looked startled. “No, not for me!” She reddened, and I made a mental note to bug her about _that_ later. “You!”

“There’s a guy with his sights on the Buffster?” Xander asked curiously. “I don’t like him.”

“You don’t even know him,” Willow informed him, slapping him playfully. 

“So who is it?” I wasn’t sure how I felt about jumping right back on the dating train after the Parker Incident, but I was still allowed to wonder, right?

“Riley!” Willow said excitedly, shooting a glance toward a nearby table where Riley Finn and two of his fellow TA’s sat together. “He asked about you when you missed class yesterday, and this morning, he came by to see how you were doing…He’s totally into you!”

“Riley, huh?” I peeked at his table. He saw me looking and gave me a quick smile. “He’s a nice guy, I guess.” _But you thought Parker was a nice guy, too,_ I reminded myself. “Kinda bulky, but cute.”

Xander stared at him. “Well, I guess he’s pretty well-muscled and he has a nice smile…” His voice trailed off and his eyes widened in mock horror. “That’s it! I’m out of here before I start painting my nails and watching Oprah!” He bolted, and Willow and I grinned at each other.

“Definitely making progress with him.”

“Yup! But I do kinda feel bad,” Willow reflected. “He hasn’t had a guy friend since Oz. Or Jesse.” Her voice took a wistful note as she remembered them.

I kept silent. I had barely known Jesse; he had gone missing on my first day at Sunnydale, and been summarily forgotten as was the norm in Sunnydale. Oz I had barely begun to get to know when he and Willow had started getting serious, but then he, too, had vanished. I thought back to the previous night and wondered what had _really_ happened to them. 

Which reminded me... “Hey, Will? What’s up with that Wicca group you go to?”

Willow frowned. “Huh?”

“Well, do you do, like, magic and stuff? I mean, are you sitting around mixing potions and doing spells? Creating monsters or whatever?”

Willow barked out a nervous laugh. “Come on, Buffy! You know that stuff’s not real! Mostly, they sit around and talk about bake sales and newsletters. If I ever said anything about real magic, they probably just laugh. Or think I was crazy.”

“Right,” I said skeptically. “So, magic, huh?”

Willow peeked up at me. “You’ve never bothered with this before. Why now?”

I raised my eyebrows expectantly. “Magic?”

She sighed, defeated. “Magic.”

“Mmm-hmm.”

“You think it’s real?” she asked incredulously.

I lowered my voice. “Did you know about Dawn being the Slayer?”

“Dawn’s the Slayer?” Willow half-shrieked. I glared at her, and she lowered her voice sheepishly. “Dawn’s the Slayer?” she repeated.

I nodded. “Apparently. I almost got bitten yesterday.” I made a face. “So you know about Slayers and stuff?”

“Only because of Giles.” Willow frowned. “He’s a Watcher, you know. And he had lots of books on magic in the library…so I used to snoop a little, eavesdrop a little…eventually I just asked him about it, and he explained to me about Slayers and vampires. He didn’t mention that _Dawn_ was one, though!” She shook her head. “Soo not what I expected.” 

“Yeah,” I agreed. “So what kind of magic do you do?”

“Uh-uh, missy! You’re not just getting away like that!” Willow shook her finger at me. “You said you almost got _bitten_?”

“Twice.” I shrugged. “Some big guy right outside the Bronze. Then, while Dawn was fighting him, another vampire showed up and scared the crap out of me.”

“And he didn’t bite you?” 

I shook my head. “He was too focused on Dawn. Is it wrong that that annoys me?” I wondered.

Willow’s eyes grew large as saucers.

“Right, never mind,” I said hastily. “He was all, ‘I’m gonna kill you on Saturday!’ All cocky and British and sexy…”

“Sexy?” Willow repeated. “The vampire. Was sexy.”

I grinned. “Maybe a little.” I caught sight of Willow’s pale face and groaned. “Will, relax! It’s not like I’m gonna hunt him down and be all ‘I’m helpless against your sinister attraction! Take me now, my black-clad knight with fangs!’ That’s a bad porn movie plot, not real life. He’s dangerous and evil, and I get that,” I reassured her. I reflected on the night before. “Plus, I think he has a girlfriend. He was going to feed me to her.” Willow nearly choked, and I gave her an impish grin.

She growled at me in mock annoyance. “No more joking about dating vampires! Vampires bad!”

“So I’ve seen,” I murmured, thinking about the ones I’d met. The one I’d spoken to.

He really _had_ been sexy.

\--

It was Friday, and I was heading back to the dorm, grumbling to myself. The kickboxing class I had decided to take had been disappointing, to say the least. After my encounter the night before, I was ready to start beating people up and breaking boards in half, or whatever you do in kickboxing. But all the instructor had shown me was stretching and breathing exercises. I wanted to kill things already! 

I whined to Willow about it after I showered. “How am I supposed to stake vampires by _breathing_ at them?”

Willow grinned. “Well, it’s not something they can do, right? Make them all jealous!” I gave her a dubious look. She sighed. “Not a funny-Willow day. Got it.” 

I ran my fingers through wet hair. “Have you seen my brush?”

Willow focused on it and floated it across the room to me. I took it. “Thanks.” Then I realized what she had just done and my eyes widened. “Whoa!”

“Magic!” Willow said happily.

“Right.” I stared at the brush in my hand. “Whoa.”

“It’s all about emotional control,” Willow explained. “Plus, obviously, magic.” She grinned.

“So what else can you do?” I asked. It was weird that Willow had had this whole life that I’d never known about. First Dawn, now Willow… 

A thought occurred to me. “Does Xander know about all this?”

Willow laughed. “Xander? He thought that it was another one of ‘Willow’s weird hobbies’, just like you did. No magic at all. Only Oz had any idea, and that-“

“Oz?” I said skeptically. “He believed in all that?”

Willow blinked. “Right. Um…Oz is a werewolf.”

“A _what_?” _That_ I hadn’t been expecting.

Willow nodded. “He’d been having a lot of trouble controlling it, and then it kinda…ate someone. Plus this guy was hunting him. So he left.”

“Oz ate someone,” I repeated blankly. 

“The _wolf_ ate someone,” Willow corrected me swiftly. “It wasn’t his fault. He couldn’t stop it, not during the full moon.”

The phone rang then, and I picked it up hastily, ready for a distraction from this new disturbing piece of information. “Hello?”

“Hi, Buffy.”

“Dawn?” I asked, my eyebrows wrinkling in confusion. Dawn was calling me? This was new and kind of weird.

“Yeah,” she sighed heavily. “Look, I just wanted to make sure that you didn’t tell anyone about the whole Slayer thing.”

I bit my lip. “What? No! I’m not _stupid_, Dawn. Or crazy, which is what people would think if I told them about vampires and really, what kind of idiot do you think I am-“ I was babbling, and Dawn detected it.

“Who’d you tell?” she asked wearily. 

“Willow. Just Willow. And she already knew most of this stuff. Just not about you being the Slayer.”

“Willow?” Dawn paused to listen to someone in the background. She returned a moment later, sounding relieved. “Giles says Willow is fine.”

“Cool.” I relaxed. “So, ready for Saturday?”

“What’s happening Saturday? Is that Mom’s birthday? Because I totally remembered! I just haven’t gotten a present yet, but that’s because I’m looking for something perfect and-“

I laughed. _Ah, yes, the Summers babbling gene. None will be spared..._ “No, Dawn, the vampire from that night? He said he’d kill you Saturday?”

“Oh. Spike,” Dawn said flatly. “He got bored. Tried yesterday.”

“Yesterday?” My heart lurched. _Is Dawnie a vampire? Do they talk on phones? _“What happened?”

“Parent-teacher night.” I could hear Dawn’s scowl over the phone. “Spike apparently got bored. Attacked the school with an army of vampires, tried to kill us all…”

“But you stopped him,” I finished.

“Actually, _Mom_ did.” Dawn laughed. “Bashed him over the head with one of those in-case-of-fire-break-glass axes when he was a second away from killing me. It was kinda cool.”

I grinned. “Well, Mom’s kinda cool. She knows about the vampires?”

“She knows about gangs on PCP,” Dawn corrected.

I made a face at that. “Did I actually used to buy that?”

“You once spent a night trying to convince me that they were filming a monster movie in Restfield after you took a shortcut through the cemetery,” Dawn reminded me. 

I smirked. “Oh, please. Like _demons_ are more believable.”

Dawn laughed, and then grew serious again. “Buffy, you need to be careful. Spike’s the real deal. He’s killed two Slayers already, he’s a master vampire…Angel says-“

“So who _is_ this Angel guy?” I asked curiously. “You talk about him a lot. Isn’t he the one who used to tutor you in history?” I frowned in understanding. “He didn’t tutor you in history, did he?”

“You’re such an idiot, Buffy,” Dawn snarked. 

“So, you’re free tomorrow now?” I asked, an idea occurring to me. “Not being killed?”

“Unless Spike gets bored again,” Dawn said cautiously. “Why?”

“I want to meet this ‘tutor’ of yours. Patrol with you, the works.” So what if my kickboxing class hadn’t taught me anything? I could still try my hand at beating on vamps…

“You are _not_ patrolling with me!” Dawn said, annoyed. “You’ll just get in the way!”

“I’ve been kicking your butt at everything my whole life!” I retorted. “I can handle these vampires!”

“Not since I was Called!” Dawn shot back. She sighed heavily. “You can come meet Angel. That’s it.”

I cheered inwardly. _One down, one to go…_

Caught up in my success, I didn’t notice until Dawn had hung up how well the two of us had gotten along during that conversation, compared to our usual sniping.

I was too busy trying to decide what to wear when I invariably went patrolling the next day.


	3. Chapter 3

In retrospect, I probably shouldn’t have shown up at the Sunnydale High library in leather. For one thing, it made it _way_ too obvious what my plans were for the night, and put up Dawn’s defenses immediately. 

For another, I’m pretty sure Dawn’s boyfriend was checking out my ass.

But back to Dawn.

She glared at me, eyes narrowed, and informed me, “You are NOT going on patrol with me.”

“Stop me,” I retorted. Why should Dawn have all the fun? From what I knew, anyone could shove a stake into a vampire and slay it. You didn’t need superpowers for that. “I just plan on strolling through some cemeteries tonight. No law against that.” I considered. “Well, maybe there is a law against that, but I’m a college student. It’s what we do.”

Dawn stood up then, slamming the book she’d been holding down on the table. “This isn’t some game! This is your life, and trying to be like me is going to kill you!” 

“Like you don’t do this every night?” I retorted. “Come on, Dawn! Don’t tell me you don’t put your own life on the line every day to fight these monsters! Let someone else have a try for once!” 

“I’m _Chosen_!” Dawn shouted. “Why don’t you get that? I’m the only one who can do this, and it’s killing you! Perfect Buffy, the one Mom’s proud of, so _perfectly_ popular and the _perfect_cheerleader with all the _perfect_ boys chasing you…But no, there can’t be one thing in the world that I’m better at than you! You just have to try to take that from me, too!” She calmed herself down with effort. “But now you can’t. One girl in every generation is the Slayer, and it’s me. It’s not something you can take away from me, and it’s not something we can do together as some warped form of sisterly bonding. It’s my destiny, and I have to do it alone.” She looked away from me. “And I did, you know.”

“Did what?” I asked quietly. Dawn was right, of course, much as it killed me to admit it. Not that I would ever tell her that. The girl has an ego the size of Texas. But she was the quiet brain in school, even during all the delinquent activities that started post-Calling. She wasn’t popular like I was, and was always kind of overlooked. When I was younger, my mom would even make me take her to parties and stuff so she wouldn’t feel left out. _So maybe I can cut her a break, let her do her slaying alone…_ Not that I planned to call off my plans, but I didn’t have to rub them in Dawn’s face…

Her next words nearly made me reconsider. “Die.”

“Huh?”

Dawn looked down. “I died last year. Only for a few seconds. Janice and Angel found me, revived me...The Master, that vampire I fought last year, he left me in a puddle to drown.” She looked up to face me. “I’m the Slayer, and I’m pretty much destined to die young. Even superpowers can’t help. Do you understand why I can’t let you fight? If Mom lost both of us…” Her voice broke, and I moved forward to hug her. She might have talked a tough game, but she was still my baby sister, and she still needed me. 

“Oh, Dawnie…” 

Within a minute, we heard low voices approaching the library, and Dawn straightened, a picture of calm confidence again. “That’ll be Giles and Angel. Janice isn’t coming today. We’ve got a big test tomorrow, and her mom has threatened her Bronzing privileges if she doesn’t pass.”

Giles was the first in the room. He smiled when he saw me, and I suddenly felt like a high school student again, returning a library book months late. “Hello, Buffy. Dawn told us to expect you.”

“Hi, Mr. Giles. Or just Giles?” He nodded at the second. “So you’re really Dawn’s Watcher?” He nodded again. “What’s that like?”

Giles started to clean his glasses. “Well, Dawn’s a remarkable Slayer, defeating two Masters in the last two years… And unlike many Slayers, who are quite action-minded, Dawn enjoys the research element of slaying as well. She is, of course, action-minded, too,” he stammered, and I took pity on him.

“Sounds good! No need for a progress report, though.” I asked him some questions about the whole Watcher thing, and he was fairly quick to respond to most of them.

Finally, I turned my attention to the guy who had walked in after him and was now standing behind us. And yes, he _had_ been checking out my ass! He looked embarrassed to have been caught in the act, and I chose not to mention it. It was understandable. I worked hard to have a very nice ass. “So you’re Angel.”

“That’s right.” He stepped out into the light, and I checked him out, not bothering to be discreet about it. He was hot, sure…tall, handsome, kind of big and bulky in a way that reminded me of Riley, an enormous forehead that kind of made his eyes look beady, but he’d probably be cute if he smiled… _And he’s dating Dawn!_ I reminded myself. 

Which raised another question. “How old are you?”

They all looked startled at that. 

Angel shrugged. “Well, I was turned in 1753, so…”

I jumped back at that. “You’re a _vampire_?” I turned to Dawn and Giles, both of whom looked sheepish. “He’s a _vampire_? I thought you kill them, not date them!”

“We’re not dating,” Dawn put in quickly. “We’re just friends.” She glanced at Angel. “Okay, kinda dating. It’s complicated.”

“So sorry, I guess that’s okay then, you’re ‘just friends’ with the evil bloodsucker!”

“Standing right here,” Angel muttered.

“He has a soul,” Dawn explained. She went on talking about some gypsy curse, and I filtered her out, my eyes and thoughts still fixed on Angel. _Not only is he a vampire, but he’s an_ old _one. And ‘kinda dating’ my sixteen-year-old sister. And he looks like he’s thirty_. I took another step back. _Pedophile!_

I forced a smile onto my face when Dawn finished talking. “Cool. That’s just…cool.” No need to start up anything with Dawn, not while we were getting along. I didn’t trust the vampire pedophile, though, and I planned to keep my eye on him.

“So, will you and Angel be patrolling tonight?” Giles asked Dawn, back to business. 

Angel nodded and spoke for them. “I’ve heard some news. Spike’s killed the Anointed One, and it looks like he’s the big guy in town now. His minions will be all over Sunnydale tonight. Probably nothing we can’t handle, though.”

Dawn turned to me. “Buffy, do you want to come along?”

I gaped. Giles gaped. Angel didn’t gape, or show any expression at all. I had the feeling he didn’t do facial expressions much. “Say what?”

She shrugged, smiling shyly. “You heard Angel. It’s going to be a pretty easy night, but lots of staking. You can tag along.”

I grinned. “Dawn, I think there’s hope for you yet.”

\--

Dawn hadn’t let me use a crossbow, claiming that I wasn’t ready for it. After nearly putting out Giles’s eye, I conceded the point and stuck with a big stake and a wooden cross. Besides, she was making an effort, so I did, too. I let her beat up the two vampires we encountered without trying to interfere, and in return, she stepped back once they were on the ground and let me stake them.

It was an exhilarating feeling, thrusting the stake and watching the vamp explode. Kind of like popping bubble wrap. One quick move, and it’s history! Plus, you know, fighting evil and all that jazz.

Pedo-vamp had disappeared two cemeteries before, tracking a large and smelly demon. I wasn’t sorry to see him go. Maybe it was the vampire thing, maybe it was the age thing, maybe it was the forehead thing, but I just didn’t feel comfortable around him. I mentioned that to Dawn, and she shrugged.

“I guess he takes time to get used to.” She laughed. “The first time I kissed him, I didn’t even know he was a vampire. Then his face changed, and I _screamed_.”

“I remember that!” I recalled. “You were shaking, and when I came in, you told me you ‘saw a shadow.’ I figured that you were, like, high or something!” 

Dawn rolled her eyes. “Sisters…”

“Sisters,” a voice repeated from behind us. “Oh, that is too precious for words.”

We spun around, stakes out and raised. “Spike,” Dawn spat out.

The vampire smirked, running his tongue over his teeth. “Hello, cuties.”

Dawn charged at him, a whirlwind of punches and kicks. He dodged most of them, deflected a few others, and managed to send her stake flying. “So the little snack I let go earlier this week is the Slayer’s big sister! How thrilling!” He grinned, throwing Dawn backward. “Have I met all the Summers now? Got any men hidden in that big, old house?” He dodged a punch and another stake Dawn produced from out of nowhere. “Yes, I know where you live, Slayer,” he taunted. “But you know who I haven’t seen? Daddy dearest. Wonder where he could be.”

Dawn and I both leaped forward at that. I jumped into the fray, wanting to hurt the evil vampire at least a little, get at least one punch in…

But Spike grabbed me before I could, holding me by the neck and swinging me around and up against the outer wall of a mausoleum. “I guess I’ll take you first, love,” he murmured, his breath cool against my neck. 

I kneed him in the groin an instant before Dawn ripped him off of me. “Get out of here, Buffy!” she shouted frantically. 

“Oh, I don’t think so!” Spike hissed from the pain. “Your sister is nearly as interesting as you, Slayer!” He reached out and grabbed me by the leg, pulling me down beside him. Catlike, he rose and bent over me, his vampire face appearing at last. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw a few other vampires approaching Dawn, holding her off while Spike drew closer to me.

I tried to flail, but Spike held me down. “I think I’ll turn you,” he murmured. “You’d make a magnificent vampire.”

My eyes closed, and I waited for the bite. His tongue ran over my neck gently, lovingly, and he pressed rough lips to it.

“BUFFY!” Dawn was shouting, but it sounded distant, like a dream. 

Spike slid his fangs into my neck painlessly. I shuddered, and it wasn’t from the cold.

“You like that?” he whispered against my neck. “You like how that feels, love?”

An involuntary moan left my mouth.

And then…

A sudden white light seared through my eyelids, and my eyes shot open as Spike jumped up. Another vampire was screaming, and Spike was running, and four black-clad men were giving chase…

“Buffy.” Dawn was at my side, her eyes wide and worried. “Run. Now.” 

I ran. 

After what seemed like hours, I noticed that Dawn hadn’t followed me, and I started to turn back. _But there’s no point,_ I reminded myself. _I’m useless in a fight._ If anything, the night had proven that to me. _Besides, she probably just went home._ 

I headed in the direction of my dorm, trying not to think about how close I had been to becoming a vampire. Trying not to think of anything. 

Then I hit a hard body and was jarred into reality. “Buffy? Are you okay?” Riley Finn looked down at me, concerned. “It’s not safe out here at night.”

“Right. Um…” I stared up at him unseeingly. “Just…just jogging.” 

“Oh.” He smiled at me with that disarming, all-American boy grin. “Well, can I walk you home?”

“Uh…sure.” I was still visibly shaken, but if Riley noticed, he didn’t say anything. He kept up the chatter on the way back, talking about everything and anything and babbling more than a little. I didn’t respond. I couldn’t respond.

And once I had gotten safely to my room and called Dawn to make sure she was okay, I curled up in my bed and cried.


	4. Chapter 4

When my blanket was yanked out from under me and I was unceremoniously dumped on the floor by my roommate, I knew what was coming.

“Intervention time,” Willow said sternly, giving me her resolve face. “I couldn’t ask anyone else to join me because they all remain happily oblivious to the whole vampire thing, and if I told Dawnie about this, you’d be really pissed, so it’s just me.”

“Will…” I groaned. “Please. I’m okay.”

“’Okay’ is going to class for the past three days, which you haven’t. And ‘okay’ is actually leaving the room once in a while.” Willow held out a hand, and I reluctantly let her pull me up. “I don’t know what happened that night, but I’m here to listen and help you move on.” She frowned at me. “You know, after the first day, I pressed a cross to you when you were sleeping to make sure that you hadn’t been turned? I’ve been worried. And you were shutting me out.”

I looked down guiltily. “Sorry,” I mumbled. “It’s just…” _Spike._ “Nothing. I had a close call, that’s all.” _A vampire jumped me and nearly killed me, and I did nothing but get turned on. And said vampire is probably still out there, on the prowl for me. _“I guess I’m just shaken up.” I cast a longing glance at my bed, then straightened. “You’re right. I need to get a grip.” Willow smiled. I smiled back. “I’m going to take a shower.”

I kept the smile plastered on my face until I was safely in the shower. 

\--

It took another day for me to venture out into the real world again, and even then, I was leery about going out at night. But Spike didn’t seem to be around campus at all, and when I casually mentioned it to Dawn, she remarked that she hadn’t seen him since, either. After a week, I was finally recovering from the ordeal. 

“Riley li-ikes you,” Willow sang out as I returned to the dorm one afternoon. 

“So you say.” I rolled my eyes. Willow mentioned Riley at least once a day. She seemed pretty fixated on hooking me up, for reasons unknown to me. 

“No, he really, really does!” Willow grinned. “He came by again today. And he told me!”

“He told you he likes me?” I echoed doubtfully.

Willow nodded vigorously. “Yup! He came over to find out what you like, so he could start a conversation with you, and he _said_ that he’s interested in you…” She beamed. “I think you guys would be really great together!”

I shrugged. It was flattering, but I didn’t really feel a spark. Frankly, I was more attracted to Dawn’s pedophile vampire boyfriend than to Riley. Hell, even _Spike_ made me tingle more than Riley did. 

“Well?” Willow looked at me expectantly.

“Riley’s just so…boring,” I said finally. “I mean, in an all-American normal guy kind of way. And…” My voice trailed off as I considered it. 

Normal. Normal was good for me. I’d been working with weird for the past week and a half, and it hadn’t gone very well. Maybe all I needed was to throw myself back into normalcy.

“And?” Willow prompted me.

I forced a grin. “And normal’s definitely the way to go. Riley seems like a nice guy, I guess. I’ll give it a try.”

Willow practically squealed, and I inwardly sighed. 

\--

Riley did ask me out the next day, and I was receptive to his plan. So a few days after Willow had first spoken to me, he and I were sitting on a blanket in the quad, having a picnic.

“So back home in Iowa, I used to play some football,” he droned on, and I tried to look interested. If he said “back home in Iowa” on more time, I would probably stab him with my fork.

To be fair, it wasn’t that he was such a bad date. He did listen when I talked, but half the time he just kind of stared at me with this adoring look; and the other half, he’d try to look politely interested but came off as almost as bored as I was. Clearly, we just weren’t compatible. 

So it surprised me when, when we shook off the blanket, he smiled and said, “I had a really great time with you. Any chance you’d want to do this again?”

Smart Buffy said, _Don’t lead him on. You’re so not interested, and it’s not fair to him._ Flirty Buffy said, “That depends. What do you have in mind?” and batted her eyelashes, just a little.

He grinned down at me with that dopey smile. “How about a long drive in my car?”

Even Flirty Buffy was taken aback by that. I mean, a drive? Was that like a metaphor for getting down and dirty? I doubted it. Riley seemed more straightforward and gentlemanly than that. He must _actually_ mean a drive. Cars weren’t my thing, not at all. Technically, too, seeing as I’d never gained that little piece of plastic that made people like Xander my chauffer. And with a long drive, all we’d do was talk. And talk. And talk. And I might kill myself. 

But I was trying to do this dating thing right, and Riley really didn’t seem at all interested in getting into my pants, which put him a step up from all the Parkers on campus, or in turning me into a vampire, which put him a step up from Spike, so I could at least give him a try.

“I’d like that,” I lied. 

Willow was going to be ecstatic.

\--

At long last, I had a date with Riley that _didn’t_ involve talking! And I was actually excited. After the picnic, the drive, the dinner, and the _second_ drive, Riley had invited me to an actual party at Lowell House. 

Frat house parties. Gotta love them.

But that was tomorrow, and tonight was Buffy time. If I was ever going to totally overcome the whole Spike thing, I’d have to try a little personal therapy. And that meant, in my warped mind, wandering the woods with a stake in my hand.

“Here, vampy, vampy, vampy,” I whispered, peering around in the darkness for a target. “Potential victim just waiting…”

If Willow knew what I was doing, she’d kill me. If Dawn knew, she’d do even worse.

“Come on, vampires. I know you’re out- AH!”

I was slammed forward from behind, a fully vamped-out boy lunging at me. I remembered my kickboxing and tried a punch. “See, what I don’t get is that it’s always girls who go missing at the Bronze, but I’ve never seen a girl vampire!” I panted, dodging the guy.

He shrugged. “Hey, I’m new to this whole deal. Don’t ask me. Believe me, I’d turn all the hot little morsels I can find. Like you.”

“That’s kind of sweet,” I reflected. “What’s your name?”

“Rick.” The vampire stepped a little closer to me, and I backed up. I kept up the banter, aware that it was distracting him more than me.

“Rick! You used to go to college here?”

He shook his head, grabbing my wrist and trying to pull me to him. “I’m a senior in high school.” 

I kicked him in the groin and he released my wrist. “Sorry, I don’t…date…down!” I jumped on him, knocking him backwards to the ground, and pulled back my stake.

“Aw, don’t be like that. We could have goo-“ Rick was dusty history.

I grinned like an idiot. My first vampire staking, and I didn’t need superpowers to do it! “High school boys. Never know when to stop.”

“Buffy?” an inquiring voice asked from behind me. I spun around, praying that he hadn’t seen anything.

“Riley!” I laughed nervously. “We have to stop meeting like this!” 

He nodded absently, his eyes taking in my surroundings. “What are you doing out here?”

I gave him my best “innocent” grin. “You know me! I’m peculiar that way. Long walks in the woods and all…”

“Right.” Riley looked down at me worriedly. “There are all kinds of animals out here. I don’t want you going out alone at night.”

Later, I’d muse on that and wonder what he knew. But at that moment, I was pissed. “_Excuse_ me?”

He seemed confused.

I clarified. “_You_ don’t _want_ me to go out alone? What, are you my _father_ now?”

“Buffy, I just meant-“ He took my hand and gazed at me earnestly. “I worry about you. I like you a lot, and I don’t want you to get hurt.” He thought back to that sentence. “I really, really like you.”

I melted. I mean, he just stared at me with those puppy-dog eyes, and I remembered how much of an idiot he could be. It wasn’t his fault that he just didn’t understand me or my current fixation on the darker side of Sunnydale. And besides, I wasn’t going to put pretty much one of the only decent guys in college through the wringer just because he was worried about me. And he said he really, really liked me! So maybe for once, I was doing something right with a guy! 

I smiled back and gave him a chaste kiss. “I like you, too.”


	5. Chapter 5

“I’M GOING TO GO HOME!” I yelled over the music.

“YOU’RE GOING TO GO TO ROME?” Xander shouted back. He grinned at my look. “Kidding, Buff. The music’s not _that_ loud.”

I shook my head. “Well, after this scintillating little date of ours, I need some nice, long Buffy time.”

No, I hadn’t moved on to the next guy yet. But I might as well have, given the amount of interest Riley had shown in me that night.

I had put on my sexiest non-slutty clothes earlier in anticipation for the “fun date” with Riley at the frat party. Riley had said all the right things, done all the right things, and everything had gone exactly as I had expected- for the first half hour or so. Then, Riley had been approached by a friend, spoke to him for like thirty seconds, and ditched me with barely an apologetic but distracted goodbye. If Xander hadn’t been there, I wouldn’t have lasted more than five minutes. As it was, it had been fifteen and I was ready to go home and stew.

_You’re being self-centered_, I reproached myself, heading out the door. _If Riley left, it was for a good reason. Something urgent must have come up. It must have-_

I was physically torn out of my thoughts by a hand that grabbed me and pulled me into the bushes. 

Instinctively, I swung my fist at my attacker, but another hand snaked out and caught it, twisting it behind my back and trapping it between my body and his.

His very cold body.

“We meet again, Big Sis,” his silky voice whispered in my ear. “Didn’t expect it’d be you, but s’justice, after what your sister’s put me through.”

I tried to stomp his instep, but he tangled his leg between mine and pulled it away.

“Spike,” I murmured, trying to pull away. “No…”

“Yes,” he breathed, and I heard the shifting of his bones as he vamped out and bent to my neck…

…And the pained shout a moment later when he recoiled, clutching his head and falling to the ground.

“_What in buggering hell did you do to me?_” he roared.

Seizing my chance, I raced away and headed toward my dorm as quickly as I could. 

When I finally fell on my bed, panting, I remembered Xander. Xander, alone, at the party, ignorant of the monster that waited outside. I called him frantically, but there was no response. “Dammit!”

“Care to spill?” Willow asked me from her bed. I hadn’t even noticed her in my frenzy.

“Will!” I jumped up. “We need to find Xander. There was a vamp at the frat party!”

Willow held up a hand. “Buffy, there are _always_ vamps at that sort of thing, preying on the weak out-of-towners who don’t know much about Sunnydale safety yet. Xander does, and he’ll be fine.”

“But this isn’t a normal vampire. He’s…he’s…”

“Buffy, _relax_.” Willow came over to gently pull me back down onto my bed. “He’ll be fine. You think I never worried when we were at the Bronze? It takes time, but eventually, you get used to the fact that you can’t always keep your friends safe without stifling them.” There was a knock at the door, and Willow perked up. “See, there he is, now. Come in!” she called.

“You should really know better than that,” _he_ drawled, opening the door and strolling in with casual confidence. “I was going to start with Big Sis, but stupidity must be punished and all that rot…”

Willow squeaked. My hand slid toward my pillow, where I knew I had a stake concealed.

Faster than I could blink, Spike was in front of me, knocking my hand aside. “Ah ah ah,” he cautioned. “No funny play or I’ll have to make it hurt.” He leered at Willow. “Now, Big Sis, show some manners. Who’s your little friend?”

I scowled. “Didn’t your mother ever teach you not to play with your food?”

He smirked. “Still so feisty. Sure it’s your sister who’s the Slayer? You’re much more fun.” He frowned. “Don’t know what exactly you did to me before, though, hurting me when I tried to bite you. Let’s see if Red’s got it, too.”

He moved to her, but she cried out, “Dissolvo!” A ball of light shot from her hand and threw Spike backwards. 

I grabbed my stake and ran at him, but he batted it aside easily. 

He rose, his vampire face emerging again. “Well, well, well, you’ve got a witch in the mix!” he said delightedly. “That explains it, then.”

“Explains what?” I muttered. “I didn’t _do_ anything to you.”

His eyes darkened. “Oh?” He tried to pull me to him, but I dodged his grasp, heading half-heartedly toward the stake. 

Instead he went for Willow, faster than she could say a spell, and bared her throat. He leaned in, and… 

“AARGH!” He fell to the ground again, clutching his head.

“WHAT IS GOING ON?” In a fury, he grabbed a chair and threw it against the wall, smashing it into pieces. He rounded on me. “You! You and your sister, you did something to me!” 

I backed away, more afraid of him than I had been since he’d walked in. Before, he had seemed somewhat civilized- okay, for a guy that ate humans. Now, he was like a cornered animal, furious and desperate. “We didn’t do anything! I swear! Something’s wrong with you, not us!” 

His eyes narrowed and he pulled back his fist to hit me, but doubled over in pain instead. This time, he stayed on the ground, staring blankly at the wall. “This isn’t happening,” he whispered in a hollow voice, and despite myself, I felt a twinge of pity for him. 

Then there was a loud explosion outside our door, a group of masked troopers like the ones I had seen the last time stormed into the room, and Spike was gone. _We_ were nearly gone, too, but Willow did the ball-o’-light spell again and pushed a trooper back while we ran. When we returned a half hour later, the room was empty and no one was waiting for us.

My eyes lit up at the broken chair. “Ooh! Instant stakes!”

Willow grinned just a bit. “And _there’s_ the silver lining.” 

I sighed. “Will, I’m really sorry about…”

“Not your fault,” she said firmly. “I invited him in, remember? And everyone except poor old Mister Chair is still standing, so all’s good!” She frowned as she took in a shattered window. “And the window. Did we do that?”

I give her a wry smile. “Suddenly, I’m really glad Xander _didn’t_ come here. Imagine explaining this to him!”

Willow snorted. “Are you kidding? I once accidentally summoned a vengeance demon while he was in the room, and all he did was ask her out!” 

My eyebrows shot up. “What did she say?”

She giggled. “That she was the patron saint of scorned women and that he’d better keep an eye on his entrails! He got the message, even if it sounded more to him like a simple ‘you’re not my type!’”

We laughed together, a little shakily after our near-death experience, and got ready for bed. Life _did_ go on, no thanks to Spike.

Only after the lights were out did Willow ask, “So, how was your date with Riley?”

\--

Giles was talking to me. “You are the Slayer. You have a sacred duty.”

“What? No. Dawn’s the Slayer. I’m just here for comic relief,” I protested. We were standing outside of a large mausoleum in the cemetery. 

Professor Walsh, my psychology professor, gave an unladylike snort. “Neither of you are the Slayers. This is such typical egocentrism. Kill one vampire, you think you can kill them all.”

I turned to squint at her. “When did you get here?” 

“Can I be the Slayer?” Rick asked. “It’d be really cool. I hear you get free brochures.”

Professor Walsh frowned. “Only if you do your homework. No more of the ‘my demon ate my homework’ excuses.”

“_Mine_,” a voice growled from behind me, and I knew it was Spike, but I wasn’t afraid. Instead, I leaned back into his arms. He pressed a kiss to my neck and pulled me away…and then we were on my bed, and he was lowering me down, his hands doing all kinds of things to my body that were making me thrash and moan, his voice murmuring my name as I arched toward him and…

“Big Sis! Big Sis! _Buffy!_ Wake up!” 

I jerked up, my eyes wide. “Spike!”

He leered at me from the broken window. “Sweet dreams, love?”

I flushed, driving the dream images from my mind. “You’re a pig. And what are you doing here? Still having trouble with the whole bitey thing?”

Spike sighed expansively. “Turns out I can’t even _hurt_ anyone. It’s bleeding awful.”

“I’m so sorry for you,” I said sarcastically.

“I’m serious!” He looked at me pleadingly. “I went back to my lair, and Dru’s gone missing. There’s no one else who can help me.”

I laughed so hard I nearly cried. This was absurd! Absolutely absurd! “Y-You think _I’m_ going to help you?”

He glared at me. “Well, it’s not like my minions are going to help! Soon as they realize I can’t hurt them, they’ll leave me to die, at best! Half of them still hate me for offing the Annoying One… And where else can I go? The Slayer? _Angelus_?” He guffawed. “I’d rather be dead.” 

“Well, I’m not going to help you eat people!” I hissed. “I’d rather you were dead, too!”

“Come on, pet, I thought we had a…connection,” he wheedled, with an absolutely filthy glance at my bed.

Oh, _God_, he knew what I had been dreaming about. 

I steadied my breathing and glared at him. “You’re sick. And the only connection we have is the one where you keep trying to kill me!” 

“Buffy?” Willow sat up in bed, rubbing her eyes blearily. “What’s going on?”

“Red!” He turned to her, smiling disarmingly. I very suddenly understood all the girls who left the Bronze with strangers and never returned. “Mind if I crash here for a bit?”

“What?” She shook her head from side to side, as though trying to change the picture she now saw. “Is that _Spike_?”

An idea occurred to me. “Hey. Spike?” He turned to me, and I punched him in the nose. It felt satisfying.

“Ow! Why’d you do that?” he asked, glaring at me. “I’m helpless, remember? Defenseless!”

“He has a point,” Willow agreed grudgingly. His eyes shone with hope, but she continued. “Not that I’m saying we should adopt a pet vampire-“

“Oi!”

“-But it’s not like he can hurt us,” she finished. She was thinking rapidly. “And having Spike here might come in handy. Imagine all the anti-vampire spells I could test! There’s this great thing Ta- um, this other witch and I are working on, with a ball of sunshine, and-“

“I won’t be your bloody guinea pig!” Spike argued, but his eyes were beginning to gleam as he sensed his impending triumph. 

I smirked. “You don’t really have a choice, do you? Sun’s coming up.” I nodded at the lightening sky. “But I don’t like this, Will. If whatever happened to Spike goes away, then what’s to stop him from killing us in our sleep?”

“I won’t,” Spike said with certainty. “You have my word. I won’t ever again lay a fang on you two.”

“Or your minions,” Willow added.

Spike sighed heavily. “Or my minions, if I _ever_ have them again.”

“Or Dru.” I put in.

Spike gave me a look. “Don’t push your luck.”

I glanced outside. “You know, with this broken window, I’ll bet the sun’ll be even brighter than usual when it comes in today,” I said conversationally.

“Alright! _If_ I can stop her, Dru too. I can’t guarantee more than that!” he said finally.

“Why should we trust your word?” I retorted skeptically.

He rolled his eyes. “Bloody hell, woman, what does it take?” 

“Fine. Whatever.” I reached under my bed and pulled out a plastic container full of winter blankets. “You can cover the windows with these. I’m going back to sleep.”

“Got space in that bed for two?” Spike smirked. 

I buried my face in my pillow. “Shut up, Spike.”

Seriously. _What_ was I thinking?


	6. Chapter 6

I rolled over in bed, yawning as I slowly awakened. _Mmm…comfy…_ I curled back into the body that was wrapped around me, burying my face in the chest beside me…the very well-defined, male chest that was just above room temperature…_What??_

My eyes shot open, and I jerked into wakefulness. Spike gazed down at me, amused. “Morning, pet.” 

I gaped at him. “W-What are you doing?” 

He stretched. “I’m trying to get some kip here. Up all night, vampire, remember?”

“Oh. Okay.” I sat up and turned back to stare at him as it slowly processed. “Wait. Not okay. Get out of my bed!”

“But I’m so cozy,” he protested, smirking at my utter disorientation.

I remembered with glee that he couldn’t hurt me, and shoved him off the side of the bed. With quick reflexes, he landed on one bent foot and one knee, and rose again, landing back on the bed with ease. “Now that’s just unfair. Defenseless, remember? And I’d never hurt a girl, anyway.” At my scowl, he remedied, “Unless I’m eating her. Or she’s a Slayer. Or if she wants me to.” He curled his tongue over his front teeth in a way that oozed sex, and I shuddered.

“Spike…”

The standoff between us was interrupted by Willow’s arrival. She was toting a large paper bag that she handed to Spike. “This is all I could find,” she said apologetically. 

I peeked into the bag, and looked up, outraged. “You bought him _blood_?”

“Red, you’re a goddess!” Spike grinned, grabbing a packet and tearing it open. “Well, a goddess for the unholy, so maybe a goddess of hell, and…” Ignoring my disgust and Willow’s bemusement, he sucked up the packet in moments, and then spat it out all over my bed.

“Hey!” I snapped, staring at my bedspread in horror.

“What is this rubbish?” Spike demanded. “Are you trying to poison me?”

Willow frowned. “It’s pigs’ blood from the butcher. I wasn’t going to pump someone dry for blood for you, you know.”

“Can’t you just wave your hand and make it human?” Spike asked plaintively. “I’m not drinking pigs’ blood!”

Willow shrugged helplessly.

“Maybe just drain a few people a little?” he suggested. “Or…I know! The morgue! You can bring me a fresh body, and-“

“We are not your minions!” I said, my face scrunching in disgust. “And you’re not feeding off of corpses!” 

“I wonder if I’d be able to take blood from you if it were given willingly,” Spike reflected.

“Alright, that’s it!” I grabbed Willow’s hand. “Let’s talk. Far away from the vampire with super hearing.” We left the room. “First of all, why didn’t you wake me up this morning?”

Willow shrugged sheepishly. “You looked really cozy…”

“With the master vampire in bed with me. Oh, that’s absolutely great!” I hissed.

From inside the room, Spike called out. “I was a perfect gentleman! Didn’t even scream out loud when I tried to bite you again…”

I sighed. “Rope. We need rope.” 

Willow raised her eyebrows. “We’re tying Spike up?” 

“YOU BLOODY WELL ARE NOT!” 

I nodded. “Yeah, I think so. Or he’s going to try seducing some poor coed out of her blood.”

Willow giggled. “You were right. He really _is_ that sexy…”

“Will!” 

The door flew open, and Spike grinned down at me without a saying a word. He didn’t need to. 

I tried glaring back, but was suddenly face with a sculpted, pale white chest that Greek statues had _nothing_ on, just a few inches away from me. I desperately tried to resist the urge to trace the lines of his muscles, and lean forward just a bit and…

“Buffy? Buffy?” Willow’s voice jerked me out of my ogling, and I flushed, avoiding Spike’s smirk. 

“What?”

Willow held up a length of rope. “Got it.”

Spike just grinned as I tied him to my bed. “So, bondage’s your kink, pet?”

My mouth hung open for a minute, then I snapped it shut. “You’re a pig, Spike,” I told him definitively.

“And damn well proud of it,” he leered, doing the tongue-curly thing again. He reached out with the still-untied hand, and ran the backs of his fingers down my cheek, stroking it with unusual gentleness.

I felt myself softening at his touch. _Wait. No. What is_ wrong _with me???_ “S-stop that.” It came out in a squeak, and Spike smiled, leaning forward slowly, just inches away from my mouth…I wet my lips almost unconsciously… 

…And I grabbed his wrist and pushed it back against the bed, tying it tight. “Right. You’re all tied up. Because that’s what we were doing, that’s all!” 

Spike curled his tongue over her teeth.

Willow shook her head.

I went to the closet and refused to look at either of them as I gathered up my clothes and left the room.

\--

When I returned later in the day, Spike was fast asleep on my bed, completely untied. I shook my head almost affectionately. _No wonder he didn’t object much. Apparently, vampire strength is all it’s cracked up to be…_

I let my eyes wander up and down his torso, wondering at the way his chest was rising and falling periodically. As far as I knew, vampires didn’t breathe. But Spike was clearly not your average vampire. The bags of blood Willow had brought were now empty and in the garbage, and my sheets had been changed. I marveled at that. Spike had a considerate side, after all. He wasn’t all evil vampire…

The next time I ran my eyes up Spike’s body, they met alert blue ones. “Hiya, Big Sis.”

“Hey.” I really wasn’t in the mood to fight anymore. “Sleep well?”

He nodded, offering me a brilliant smile. “Think I might come back here tomorrow, too, if I have no luck.”

“Back here?” I frowned, puzzled. “What do you mean? Where are you going?”

Spike stretched. “Dru,” he explained. “My dark princess is missing, and I’ve got to find her and save her before something happens to her!” 

Oh. Right. The girlfriend. Probably some skanky ho vampire who was… _Wait. Why is this bothering me? This isn’t bothering me!_ I endeavored to sound casual again. “Well, if she wasn’t picked up by whoever grabbed you, then I’m sure she’s fine. Good luck with that.” I turned away from him quickly. “Anyway, I’m just going to go out and…um…Riley! My _boyfriend_! He had to run out last night, and I should make sure everything’s okay now!” 

I tried to move away from the bed, but Spike grabbed my hand and pulled me down to sit beside him. “No, wait here. Sun’s not going down for another few hours. I’m going to be bored stiff without being able to watch Passions…” 

I gaped at him. “You watch _Passions_? My _mom_ watches that show!” 

“Oh, it’s brilliant!” Spike responded eagerly, and launched into a convoluted explanation of the show. I shook my head and laughed at him, and he mocked me right back. Soon, Spike and I were discussing the differences between a Victorian education and school nowadays, fighting about our respective countries, and debating whether it’d be better to be alive or undead. 

“See, your other senses are much more enhanced as a vampire,” Spike explained, popping a chocolate kiss into his mouth. “But taste just isn’t the same.” He shook his head sadly. “Blood, of course, is delicious, but chocolate? S’ barely better than bread!” 

“So why do you eat at all?” I wondered.

“Most vampires don’t,” he told me. “They say it’s too human, and look down on it. But me, I’ve always kept a bit more of my humanity than most-“

“Like with the whole hanging out in a college dorm instead of a crypt somewhere,” I put in.

“Oh, I might get a crypt, someday,” Spike shrugged. “I’m not Angelus, with his mansions and castles. I like to live where I belong. Dilapidated building, old factories, crypts... But right now, I want to stay away from my kind until I can figure out what’s wrong with me. They won’t take in a helpless vamp out of the evilness of their hearts, you know.”

I smirked. “Guess you’re lucky you failed to kill me those first few times, then.” 

He smiled back. “Guess so.” His hand brushed mine, and I felt a tingle go through me.

And that’s how Xander and a worried Willow found us a few minutes later when they walked in.

“And who is this shirtless male on your bed, Buff?” Xander said, frowning. 

I turned. “Xander? What are you doing here?” 

He looked offended. “I’m your friend, remember? I came to see how you were after the whole Datebust ’99 thing last night.”

Willow, from behind him, mouthed, “I tried!” and shrugged helplessly. 

“So who’s this guy?” Xander asked, eyeing Spike, who was stretching out over my bed almost territorially. 

“Oh! Xander, this is Spike. He’s, um…staying here for a little while.”

“You’re having a guy named_ Spike_ staying with you?” Xander repeated, his brow creasing.

“Oh, his bark is worse than his bite!” Willow said brightly.

“Oi!” Spike scowled, and Willow gave him an apologetic look. “I’ll have you know that I am still very dangerous!” 

“Buffy, maybe we should talk about this,” Xander murmured to me. “Privately.” He shot a nasty glare at Spike.

Spike sat up and gave Xander a toothy grin. “So who are you, anyway? The unrequited love? Hanging out with the girls because-“

“Stop it,” I said tiredly, avoiding Xander’s eyes. We avoided the topic of Xander’s interest in me by tacit agreement, knowing that the awkwardness would ruin our friendship. It didn’t mean that it still wasn’t the elephant in the room most of the time.

“I’m sorry,” Spike said to me, gazing at me with earnest apology. I gave him a weak smile back.

“Can’t you stay somewhere else?” Xander asked, giving Spike a dirty look. “How do you know Buffy, anyway?”

“He’s my cousin!” I blurted out. “From England!”

“Absolutely,” Spike agreed. “I’m Spike Saunders-“

“Summers,” I corrected him swiftly.

“Summers, from England, here to visit my dear cousins, Buffy and Dawn,” Spike finished proudly.

“Buffy’s never mentioned you before,” Xander said doubtfully. “How are you two related, anyway?”

“My dad’s long-estranged brother is Spike’s father,” I lied quickly. “We met last summer for the first time. I didn’t even know he existed before then.” 

“Oh.” Xander still looked suspicious. “I don’t like this.”

Spike vamped out at him for a second. “God, you’re annoying!” 

My eyes widened, and Willow let out a frightened “eep!”.

Xander paled. “Did you see that? Just now, with his face, and the teeth…Do you guys know what this means?”

We froze. _So much for secrecy…_

“Your cousin is on PCP!” Xander exploded. 

Willow laughed silently behind his back.

“Yes, of course I am, you dimwit,” Spike sneered. “Why else could I have wrinklies and fangs? Hey, maybe I’m an evil vampire!” 

I poked him in the arm, but his smirk just widened.

Xander shook his head. “Man, those drugs can get intense. I don’t know if you should keep someone so dangerous around, guys.”

“You’re right,” Spike responded, deadpan. “I have a problem. But sometimes, it’s worth a little pain just to make it stop.” He licked his lips. “And even you’re beginning to look tasty.” 

Xander’s eyes widened. “Um…I’m flattered, but I really, _really_ don’t swing that way.” He looked at us helplessly. “I’m all for the girls, right?” 

Spike’s face contorted in disgust. “Bloody- I’m not- You’re not-“ he sputtered. “I’d have damn better taste than you!” he finally spat out. 

I grinned and patted his back. “Aw, poor Spikey. It’s okay, we’re your friends. You don’t have to pretend around us.” 

Xander looked relieved. “So _that’s _why you guys are okay with him staying here. For a minute there, I actually thought that Buffy was having a sordid affair under Riley’s nose or something.” 

“_Xander_!” I hissed, shifting from side to side so as not to betray the rush of heat that followed his words. I caught sight of a suddenly speculative glance from Spike, and blushed beet red. _Am I that obvious? Or is it a vampire thing that…_

_Oh. My. God. He can _smell _that I’m all…_ I glared fiercely at my amused guest. He grinned back unapologetically.

“Hey, it’s getting dark,” I said quickly. “Why don’t you go check out the Bronze or something, Spike? See if you can find Dru there?”

“Right,” he said immediately, jumping up and grabbing his shirt. “I’m out of here.” He shot out the door, then came back and gave Willow and me each a kiss on the cheek. “Thanks for all your help, girls.” Then he darted right back out.

Willow and I both blushed.

Xander glared after him. “I really don’t like that guy.”

Later that night, after Xander finally left, muttering to himself about annoying British cousins, I got a phone call from Dawn. 

“I faced off against some crazy frat house demon last night, and these guys showed up at the last minute and tasered him,” she told me. “I think it’s the same guys from when we were fighting Spike.” 

“Yeah, I also saw some of them last night, in the dorm,” I remembered. “Commandos of some sort. They seem to be around whenever there are demons.”

“There were demons in your dorm?” Dawn asked me curiously. 

_Damn!_ I wasn’t going to tell Dawn that the Slayer of Slayers was hanging out in my dorm! “Um, in front. Just one vampire. Named Rick!” I said brightly, remembering the one from a few days before. “I staked him!”

“_You_ staked a vampire?” Dawn asked doubtfully. 

“Is that so hard to believe?” I retorted, stung. “Just because you’re all Chosen, it doesn’t mean that you’re the only one who can stick a piece of wood into a vampire’s heart.”

There was a long silence on the other end. Finally, Dawn spoke wearily. “Buffy, _please_ don’t go out there looking for trouble. A fledge or two is easy pickings. But there are some things out there you can’t handle. Like Spike, or even the demon I fought tonight. And especially the commandos. Until we know what they are…”

“I can take care of myself just fine,” I snapped. “Stop trying to protect me!” I hung up the phone angrily. 

The worst part was, Dawn was right. Still. I wasn’t going to win all the time. Even _she _didn’t win all the time, and she had the strength and agility to take on the demons. _Maybe if I had Spike backing me up…_ But he was probably going to find his vampire skank tonight, and I wouldn’t see him again. I trusted him to keep his promise about not hurting us, but it wasn’t like we’d be hanging out in his lair talking about TV anymore. The day _had_ been fun, I realized with a sigh. I actually _liked_ Spike. 

Which was probably why, when he crept in through the window at dawn, rousing me just a bit, I pretended to be asleep when he curled up in bed next to me.


	7. Chapter 7

“So, I thought we could start on some of those spells today!” Willow said cheerily, setting her books down on her bed.

“You’re not experimenting on me,” Spike argued from his vantage point on my bed.

I elbowed him. “Room and board, not to mention blood on demand. Wanna give it all up?”

It was Thanksgiving morning, and six days after Spike had first arrived at our dorm. He hadn’t had much luck with finding Dru, and had taken to haunting our dorm during the daylight hours. Aside from one very awkward conversation with Riley, when he had come to pick me up for a date and wondered why I had a paper bag filled with butcher’s blood on my desk, things were going pretty smoothly. Spike and I had settled into a routine that mostly consisted of constant jibing, but occasionally led to serious conversation. Willow found the whole thing kind of bemusing for reasons she wouldn’t disclose, and now, she had apparently conquered enough of her wariness around the vampire to try to force him into one of her experiments.

“So I thought that we could see just how susceptible you are to magic!” Willow continued brightly. “Would a levitation spell work, or the artificial sunshine-“

“You can’t dust him,” I objected. “He’s been doing all my modern history homework for me, and Professor Ritelli said that I have potential! I need my potential alive!” 

Spike stretched out languorously. “See? I’m essential.” He rolled his eyes. “A month ago, I'd have been eating girls like you. Now I’m stuck doing your _homework_,” he muttered.

I patted him on the head. “There, there, Spikey. You’re a good boy now.”

“That’s what worries me,” he retorted.

There was a knock at the door, and Willow perked up. “Right on time! That’s Tara.”

“Who’s Tara?” Spike asked me. I shrugged.

“She’s the other witch I told you about, remember? I really wanted you to meet her, Buffy.” Willow opened the door and let the shy-looking blonde girl in, eagerly chattering about some spell or another. 

“Hi,” I said, smiling at her. 

Tara smiled back tentatively. “H-hi. You must be B-Buffy.”

“Yup!” Willow stopped babbling to grin at both of us. “Buffy, Spike, meet Tara! Spike’s the vampire I was telling you about. He’s totally harmless, though,” she said in a stage whisper as Spike scowled. “I met Tara at the Wiccan club. She was the only other one there who wasn’t more interested in the bake sale than the magic.” She shook her head. “Really!” 

“So you’re also into the magics?” Spike asked curiously.

Tara nodded jerkily, taking a step back. Probably Willow’s warning wasn’t enough to make her feel totally safe around Spike. “Willow’s r-really strong.”

“That’s reassuring,” Spike drawled. 

Willow smiled at Tara again, and gave Spike a mock-warning look. “You’d better behave, Mister. Buffy’s going home today, so you won’t have her there to defend you from us.”

“Buffy’s usually the one to do the attacking,” Spike pointed out, grinning at me fondly.

“That’s just cause I love you so much,” I smirked, getting up and grabbing my bag. “Be good for the sitter, Spikey.” I turned to Willow and Tara. “He needs a bath at seven and I want him tucked in no later than nine. If he gives you any trouble, tell him he won’t get a prize tomorrow.” 

Spike threw a pillow at me and let out a little cry of pain. I left the room as he called after me, “What kind of prize are we talking about?”

I could imagine his tongue curling as he spoke.

\--

“So, what’s the dorm scene like?” Mom asked. 

I shrugged. “It’s okay. Lots of parties-“

“-At which Buffy does not drink liquor,” Dawn piped up. 

I shot her a look.

“What? I’m _helping_!” Dawn protested.

Mom sighed. “Dawnie, your sister knows better than to drink at these events.” She shot me a look. “Isn’t that right?” 

I gave her my most innocent look. “I no more drink beer than Dawn dates the undead.”

Dawn glared at me, horrified. 

Mom smiled, looking a little perplexed. “I’m sure I’ll pick up that teenage lingo eventually, if you girls don’t keep changing it on me.” She held out a platter. “Muffin?”

I took one, smirking. This was fun. _Wonder how long I can keep this up without Mom getting it. Probably forever…_ “So, Dawn, how’ve you been? I feel like we never see each other anymore. How’s your night job going?”

“Night job?” Mom frowned. “Buffy, what are you talking about?”

“Homework!” Dawn burst out. “Oh, Buffy, you’re so crazy. She calls homework my night job,” she explained hastily to a bemused Mom.

“Yup. You keep slaying that math,” I offered. 

Dawn’s eyes narrowed. “Buffy has a boyfriend!” she informed Mom. She shot me a smug look. “Didn’t think I knew about that, huh? Willow told me when I called on Tuesday.”

When I was at the movies with Riley. Great. _Note to self- tell Willow to let the machine pick up when the family calls._

Mom’s face lit up. “Really! Well, when are you going to bring him over?”

Bad move, Dawn. I sent her a triumphant look as I responded, “Not yet, Mom. Riley and I aren’t really serious yet. Not like Dawn and Angel.”

Mom’s jaw tightened. Really, my family was _so_ predictable. “Dawn and _who_?”

\--

“That was all your fault!” Dawn said furiously as we walked down Revello Drive together. It was later in the night and we had finally escaped Mom’s inquisition. “Now she’s going to get all freaked out by-“

“-The fact that your honey’s an undead pedophile?” I suggested, grinning.

“And what was up with the dropping hints about the Slayer thing?” Dawn demanded. “I knew I couldn’t trust you with my secret.”

I rolled my eyes. “Relax, Mom doesn’t suspect a thing. Except maybe that you’re a late-night stripper, but I’m sure I didn’t actually say that. People in this town are totally oblivious. I could have told her that you spend every night slaying vampires in the cemetery, and she would’ve assumed that I was speaking figuratively.” 

“Probably,” Dawn admitted grudgingly. “Wanna go kill things?”

I grinned. “I thought you’d never ask.”

“Remember,” Dawn cautioned. “Go for the fledglings. Make sure I’m around in case things get screwed up. Don’t attack demons.”

“Stop patronizing me.” I gritted my teeth. It was time to show Dawn what I could do.

Except it really wasn’t, I soon discovered. There were lots of vampires out that night, and none of them were as disoriented (and friendly) as my only staked vampire. And I spent a lot of time being thrown into tombstones and drooled over by ugly vampires. If not for Dawn, I probably would have been bitten ten times over. And Dawn…

Dawn was incredible. I watched her swing an axe at a vampire, beheading it into dust in seconds, and began to understand just what a Slayer was. Dawn was poetry in motion, leaping and ducking at just the right times, throwing vampires forward with easy strength and skill, and staking them when they couldn’t fight anymore. It hit me suddenly. She was _made_ for this. My attempts at staking would never be at good as Dawn’s. Maybe I was the older sister, but this was something that was way beyond me. This was Dawnie’s, and Dawnie’s alone.

“Buffy?” Dawn approached, wiping dust off her pants. “What’s up? You’re giving me a funny look.”

I smiled at her. “You were incredible.”

She looked surprised at that, and a little gratified. “Thanks.”

We headed to the last cemetery before going home. Someone was already there, beating up a large, tentacled demon. Someone big, hulking, and…

“Oh, goody. Angel,” I muttered. Something about him just rubbed me the wrong way. 

“Angel!” Dawn grinned, and threw herself into the fight. The very slimy, gooey fight. 

“That’s gross,” I commented, eyeing Dawn’s newly filthy shirt. “I’m beginning to see the perks of just watching- What are you doing?” I demanded. Angel was circling me, his eyes dark. “Dawn! Call off your boyfriend!” 

“Where were you before coming out here?” Angel demanded.

“Home? My dorm?” I tried. “And why is any of that your business?”

“Angel, what’s going on?” Dawn asked curiously.

“You smell-“ He stopped abruptly.

“Oh, _great_.” I backed away. “Look, I’ve been running away from vampires all night. Of course I’m going to be a little ripe. Nothing a shower can’t fix.” 

“She makes great bait,” Dawn added, grinning. 

“Isn’t that against some rule or another?” I wondered, ignoring Angel, who was following me as I wandered out of the cemetery. “Using innocents?”

“Involving civilians is a strict no-no in the Slayer handbook,” Dawn admitted. 

“There’s a Slayer handbook?” I laughed. “Well, now I know I could never be a Slayer. Imagine me-“

“Reading a book?” Dawn supplied. “That’s just nuts!”

“Following a set of rules,” I corrected, shooting her a mock glare. “I’ve read books!” 

“Berenstein Bears when you were seven don’t count,” Dawn retorted.

“I made it to college without getting ever kicked out of school. Beat that,” I countered. I shot a glance behind me. Angel was still dogging my every footstep, an expression of befuddlement on his face. I was pretty sure that that was as expressive as he got. “Can you call your pet vampire off?”

Dawn glanced at him. “Angel, what are you doing?” 

Angel gave her a significant look. A “we’ll Talk later” kind of look.

I scowled. “I can see your face, too, you know.” 

\--

By the time I returned to my dorm, I was worn out and pissed off. “I really don’t like Angel,” I announced, tossing my coat down onto my bed. 

Spike grinned. “That’s my girl,” he drawled. 

I came to sit next to him on my bed. “He stalked me all night. And he said that I smell!” 

Spike raised an eyebrow. “Well, now that you mention it…”

“Stop that!” I said, batting at his chest. He dodged me, and I spotted a book behind him. He had probably shoved it under him when he heard me coming. “What’s this?” I picked it up. “Pride and Prejudice??”

“It’s the only book Red’s girl could find for me,” Spike grumbled. “If I’m going to have to read a girly book, I’m going to read a classic.”

I smirked. “Omigod, like, don’t you totally think that Mr. Darcy is, like, the hottest guy ever?”

Spike gave me a disbelieving stare. “Don’t tell me you’ve read it.”

“Sure I have!” I argued hotly. “I can tell you that I definitely…saw the movie?” I finished meekly.

Spike grinned, giving me a fond look. “You’re lucky you’re beautiful, pet. No one’s looking for brains in there.” 

“Hey!” I pouted, glowing just a bit at being called beautiful. “I’m smart! Just not book smart! And…and…why aren’t you out looking for Dru, anyway?” _Stupid, stupid Buffy! Don’t remind your favorite talking buddy that his girlfriend’s still missing!_

Spike’s face fell, all the humor gone from it in a moment. “Willy’s going to call me if he hears anything. Beyond that, there’s nowhere else to search. I am going to go out tonight,” he said hastily. “Just…not yet. Wanted to say hello to you first and all.”

I rested my head against his shoulder. “You’ll find her,” I said reassuringly. 

He ran his fingers through my hair. “More than a hundred years, we’ve spent together. And now, not to know where she is…if those soldiers got her…” He spat out the word soldiers as if it were the vilest curse.

As much as I didn’t like the idea of Spike running off with Dru and killing people again, I hated seeing him so depressed even more. I curled up next to him, murmuring reassuringly to him. Spike pulled me closer.

And that was the cozy scene Dawn saw when she burst into the room, stake in hand.


	8. Chapter 8

“Dawn!” I jumped up to block her. “Don’t!”

Dawn froze, taking in the scene in front of her. “What the hell is this?” She shoved a cross at me, and I yanked it from her hand. 

“She’s not a vampire,” Spike said calmly, but I could tell that he was tensely coiled, ready for action.

Dawn’s eyes narrowed. “You!” she growled, charging at him. 

I scrambled in between them. “Stop it, Dawnie! He’s harmless!”

“Oi!” 

I gave him a look. “Not helping, Spike.”

“Buffy!” Great. Angel, standing in the hallway in front of a crowd of curious dormmates. “Invite me in! We won’t let Spike hurt you!”

I eyeballed him. “I don’t think I want any more vampires in my room.”

“Buffy, he’s here to help!” Dawn said, exasperated. “Spike, let her go.”

Spike smirked. “I don’t think so. She’s my prisoner. Right. My captive, and I will bite her if you come any closer.” I rolled my eyes at him, but he just grinned and pulled me up with him, holding me against his chest. 

Dawn tensed, and Angel beat against the barrier keeping him out helplessly. 

“Switch,” Dawn proposed. “Me for her.”

Spike leered. “Like her better.”

I elbowed him. “Dawn, just let him leave. He’ll let me go once we’re out of here.”

Dawn edged closer to us. “How long has he had you here?”

“Spike’s scent on her was strong,” Angel said darkly. “It might’ve been days.”

“Would you cut out that smelly thing?” I said furiously.

“He’s just trying to help!” Dawn snapped. She visibly calmed herself. “Okay. Let’s move on. Spike, we’ll let you go if you let Buffy go.”

“So you can stake me the minute I let go of her?” Spike retorted. “I know how you Slayers work. It’s all about the kill. You don’t make deals with my kind.” He backed away from her and sidled along the wall to the window. “I’ll take her with me until I’m out of here. Then I’ll let her go. You have my word.” 

“Go with that,” I offered.

Dawn ignored me. “Oh, because your word means anything to us.” She turned back to me. “You need to invite Angel in if you want to live. Now.”

“Yeah, invite the good vampire in, Big Sis.” Spike was laughing. 

I sighed. “Are you an idiot?” I mumbled under my breath. “Do you _want_ to survive tonight?”

“Dawn.” Angel spoke, his eyes fixed on me suspiciously. “There’s something wrong with this whole situation.”

Dawn threw him a scornful look. “You think?” she said sardonically. She turned back to me. “Two words. Come in. Just say them!”

“My room isn’t Vampire Central!” I protested. “Just let Spike go!” 

I could see a dawning suspicion in Dawn’s eyes. This wasn’t good. In a moment, she’d figure out what we were up to, and it wouldn’t end well. 

“Let’s move, pet,” Spike murmured, pulling me closer. “I jump, you run at the Slayer.” I glanced at the window. It was still closed. There was no way that we were going to get it open like this.

Then Willow pushed her way through the onlookers and wandered into the room, shutting the door behind her. “Hey Buffy, Spike, Dawnie. What’s going on?”

Damn. Well, at least Angel was shut out.

Dawn tossed her a disbelieving look. “You’ve got to be kidding. Have you been- You _have_ been!” She rounded on me. “Buffy? You’re not sleeping with him, are you?”

I flushed, and Spike leered behind me. “Yes, that’s it,” he said matter-of-factly. “I’ve been violating your sister on a daily basis.”

“Spike!” I pushed him back, not realizing what a bad move it was until Dawn used my distraction to shove me aside and back Spike up flat against the window, stake in hand.

Spike sighed. “Tell her, Big Sis.” 

“Spike’s helpless.” I informed Dawn, grabbing her stake arm. “He can’t hurt anyone living. He’s been feeding on pigs’ blood for the past week.”

Dawn frowned. “What?”

“And we’re not sleeping together,” I felt the need to add. 

“Well, technically…” Spike put in.

“Shut up,” I said good-naturedly. 

Dawn was looking from me to Willow to Spike with a dawning realization. “You’ve been letting him stay here?” she asked incredulously.

I shrugged. “It’s a long story.”

“Can you let me go now?” 

Dawn gave him a dirty look. “How do I know that you’re telling the truth?”

Spike grinned. “Thought you’d never ask.” He drew back his fist to punch her. 

“Don’t,” I warned him. 

He pouted. “Fine. Spoil my fun.” He slapped her lightly instead, and fell back with a cry, clutching his head in pain. 

Dawn eyed him cautiously. “How did this happen?”

“Army types. Messed with my brain, and now I’m stuck here doing your sister’s homework and drinking butcher blood.” He tapped his fingers against the bed’s headboard restlessly. “So really, you can put the stake away and let me get back to my newly miserable existence.”

Dawn shook her head. “I don’t believe it. Buffy, you just let him in? Gave him food and shelter? He’s an evil vampire!” 

I shrugged. “Things just worked out this way.” I met Spike’s eyes, and a significant look passed between us. “Can you put that thing away?” I finally asked Dawn, motioning to the stake. “It’s kind of unnerving.”

Dawn considered me thoughtfully, then looked Spike up and down. “You’re coming with me,” she decided.

Spike scowled. “Like hell I am.”

Dawn pressed the stake a little closer to his heart. “You’re coming. We need to know everything you do about those commandos.”

“Buffy!” Spike protested. 

I looked at Willow. She shrugged helplessly. 

“We’ll feed him and stuff,” Dawn conceded grudgingly. “He’ll be safe. No one to come in and stake him while you’re in class,” she added significantly. 

I glared at her. “You can’t do this!”

“Yes, I can.” She headed for the door, yanking a struggling Spike with her. “It’s my job. I thought you were finally starting to get that.”

And she opened the door and left, Spike with her. 

I glowered at Angel, who was still waiting. “This is all your fault.”

He shrugged. “I was worried about you.”

Creepy pedophile. “If you were really so worried, why did you let me come back here?” I demanded, folding my arms. 

“I followed you back,” he said sheepishly. “All the way to the dorm. When I saw you and Spike getting all cozy…”

“You thought I’d been turned,” I finished. He nodded earnestly. Idiot. “Spike’s my friend. Maybe you’re all bite-first-ask-questions-later type, but some of us can get along!”

“Didn’t Spike try to bite you a few times before?” Angel inquired.

“True, but-“

Angel smiled smugly. “If not for whatever the commandos did, you’d have been dead. Because you trusted him.”

“It wasn’t like that!” Good old Willow, sticking up for me. 

Angel turned to go. “You can’t fall for the pulseless and soulless. They’re only out for one thing, and it’s only a matter of time before Spike figures out how to drain you dry.”

I glared daggers at him as he followed Dawn out. 

Damn them, interfering and taking Spike away. Damn Angel, following me back home. Thinking I was a vampire. Claiming that I was falling for…

Falling for…

I liked Spike, I knew that. And he was gorgeous, no question about it. I was attracted to him, but who wasn’t? He was my friend, and I knew that contrary to Angel’s belief, he wouldn’t hurt me if he could. Not anymore. We cared about each other. But falling in love with him? I couldn’t possibly be.

But I was.

“Oh my god,” I murmured. 

“Buffy?” a small voice spoke from behind me. Willow was staring worriedly at me. “Is everything okay?”

“What do you think?” I responded sarcastically, but there was no rancor in my voice. 

“I’ll try doing some kind of locator spell with Tara. We’ll see if we can find Spike,” Willow offered. 

“Thanks, Will,” I went to a drawer to get pajamas. “I’m going to turn in now, okay?”

“Goodnight,” she smiled. “I don’t know how long this’ll take. I’ll probably be out all night.”

She shut off the light on her way out, and I closed my eyes and tried to sleep. But visions of Spike turning to dust haunted me.

_Spike…_

Where are you?

I think I might love you. 

I don’t want to lose you.

\--

Riley came to visit about twenty minutes later.

I stared blankly at him. “Riley.”

“I thought that you invited me to come by, but if I woke you…?” he asked, gesturing at my pajamas. 

I blushed as I looked down and realized that yes, I was wearing my Yummy Sushi pajamas. Great. “Sorry. I’m kind of out of it.” I pulled on a robe and gestured for him to sit next to me on my bed.

He kissed me.

At first I sat stock still, Spike’s face floating through my mind. This wasn’t right to Riley. Not while I had these feelings for someone else. 

But it wasn’t like Spike felt that way about me. I knew that. He had Dru, his dark goddess or whatever. He’d loved her for a century. And he was certain that she was still alive. There was no way I could ever be with Spike. 

And Riley was a good guy. He didn’t deserve to have me mooning over another guy while we were together. 

I deepened the kiss, pulling myself closer to him and molding my body against his. I reached for the zipper of his pants.

His eyes lit up, and he smiled at me. “Are you sure?”

I nodded, afraid to speak. 

If I couldn’t give him my heart right now, then I could at least give him this. 

I let him move above me clumsily, tamping down the part of me that was wondering how much better at this Spike would be. That was picturing Spike’s face, his more lithe, flexible body, his strong, cool chest pressed against mine, and his…

Finally, Riley collapsed next to me, satisfied. I was a little less so, but curled up next to him. He was sweating. Did vampires sweat? Probably not. 

I really had to break up with Riley. There was no way I could do this, not again. Not ever. 

I turned to face him, and caught his eyes shining as he gazed at me. 

“I think I’m falling in love with you,” he murmured.

_I’m sorry_, I wanted to say. _You’re a good person. You deserve better._

Then Parker’s face flashed through my mind. And Scott’s, before him.

_“I’ll see you around, Buffy. It was fun.”_

“Look, Buffy, this isn’t working out for me anymore.”

I couldn’t be one of those people who dumps someone after sleeping with her. Him. 

_Not today. I’ll wait a week or two. Give it some time. _

I wonder if Spike’s okay. 


	9. Chapter 9

“_No_, Buffy!” Dawn said, exasperated. “I don’t know what kind of thrall he has over you, but you’re not seeing him. Not until it’s worn off.”

“It’s not a thrall!” I protested. “I tried to kill him at first. I just…”

“No,” she said firmly. “Vampires are my area of expertise. You’ll thank me for this after-“

I gritted my teeth. “If you say thrall again, _I’ll_ bite you.” 

I hung up the phone, in a considerably fouler mood than I had begun. Willow and her locator spell had been MIA since last night, and I had optimistically decided to just ask my sister to tell me where Spike was. She wasn’t being very helpful. 

Waking up with Riley had cast a cold shower on my delusions. Feeling warmth beside me instead of cool skin had felt wrong, and I was forced to accept that I had developed a vampire fetish. Or maybe just a Spike fetish. Whatever brand of normal I had been going for with Riley was a bust, and it was time to move on. 

How could I have been so stupid as to have had slept with him? My rationalisms from the night before seemed absurd in the light of day. My hesitation shouldn’t have been about hurting Spike at all. Spike didn’t care. It was about Riley, and how I’d used him to get my mind off of Spike, albeit unsuccessfully. 

Willow and I had spoken about my bad luck with guys after the Parker incident. She’d explained to me that I had a subconscious desire to please the men I was with to try to keep them, so I hurried the relationship to the one thing that I thought I could contribute. My mistakes in terms of bedfellows were all about my own insecurity. But this time, I had done the opposite. I had been so selfish and self-centered last night, consoling misplaced longings and my worries by putting both Riley and me into a situation where we’d both only be hurt. 

I was so stupid. And I couldn’t talk to Willow about this, not since she went all Walsh-crazy. That conversation I had had with her had ended up a whole dissection of my “daddy issues,” and I didn’t want to be a psych student’s experimental personality study. I wanted a friend.

And since I definitely couldn’t discuss all this with Xander, I was left alone to wallow.

The door creaking open jolted me out of my thoughts, and I jerked up, startled. “Oh, Willow!” 

She squeaked in surprise, her face reddening instantly. “Buffy! H-hi! I thought you’d be in class by now!” 

I gave her an odd look. “It’s Thanksgiving weekend. What’s up with you?” I asked curiously, leaning forward. “You never came back this morning. And you’re acting all Walk of Shame-y.”

“W-What? Me? Shame? Nothing happened!” Willow said hastily. “I just…I fell asleep in the library. Looking for…” her voice trailed off. “Books?”

My eyes narrowed. Willow was acting _weird_. Oh, well. She’d probably tell me eventually. One thing I knew was that Willow couldn’t keep any of her own secrets. Oh, she was good about mine, or Xander’s, or anyone else’s, usually. But when she’d done something, she never could keep it in. “Whatever.” I flopped back down onto my bed. “Any luck with that locater spell? Did you and Tara do it last night?”

She went from red to white in seconds. “Did we…what? No! There was no doing of any sort! I don’t know what you’re talking about!” 

I smirked. Now this was getting clearer. “You and Tara got it on last night!” 

Willow held up a hand. “Buffy, don’t freak out or anything…”

“Hey, I’m proud of you!” I said, smiling. “I thought I was one-night-stand girl, but college is a time for experimentation.” Willow’s brow was furrowed in confusion. “Everyone should try it at least once! Who was the lucky guy?”

“Guy?” Willow asked faintly.

“The guy you met last night?” I said impatiently. “There usually _is_ a guy involved in one night stands,” I teased.

“Oh. OH!” Willow said, sounding oddly relieved. “Um…just a guy in my English class. No one special.” She moved away to her closet, looking for something to wear.

I suddenly remembered to be annoyed. “Wait a minute! While you were having an all-new college experience, Spike was probably languishing in a freaky Slayer torture chamber or something. What happened to the locator spell?”

“Oh, I’m so sorry!” Willow shook her head. “I started researching it, and then I…”

“Got distracted?” I asked teasingly. 

Willow flushed.

\--

After much internal debate, I decided to go to the Sunnydale High library. If that was the Slayer’s base of operations, maybe that was where Spike was being held. Or maybe some clues.

The doors were unlocked, but the school was empty. That was promising. I headed to the library, pushing open the double doors with extra force to make them fly open. I’d always wanted to do that. 

“Spike?” I called out in a low voice. No answer. “Dawn? Giles?”

“May I help you?” a polite voice asked from my right. Miss Calendar, the school’s computer teacher, emerged from Giles’s office. She frowned. “Buffy, right? Dawn’s sister?”

I nodded. “Um, why are you…?”

“Here?” Miss Calendar gestured toward Giles’s desk, where several dusty tomes lay open. “Janice and I have been going through some of Rupert’s books. She’s here somewhere.”

“Ha! Dawn was right!” Janice called as she descended the staircase from the second level. “She was sure that you’d come here first.”

I sighed. “Janice, I’m really not in the mood. Where’s Spike?”

“Not here,” Janice informed me. “You’re not going to be able to find him, you know. Dawn’s positive that you’re under thrall, and distance will cure it.” She rolled her eyes. 

“And you don’t agree?” I asked cautiously. Was Janice my way in?

Janice shrugged. “Dawn was always a little too intense about the whole vampire thing. Then she met Angel. He’s even more intense than she is. They rub off on each other. Me? I’m not really in it for the whole sacred duty thing. I just wanna have fun.”

“And fun is nearly getting killed on a daily basis?” I asked skeptically.

Janice gave me a look. 

I remembered. Right. This was the Janice who had been suspended from school last year for eating a live pig as some stupid initiation prank or something. The Janice who picked fights with the toughest seniors in school, and who supposedly went on dates at the cemetery. Though that last one made more sense these days. “Got it. So you’re going to let me go to Spike?”

“I don’t think that’s a good idea,” Miss Calendar put in. “If Dawn doesn’t want Buffy there, she has her reasons. She’s the Slayer.”

“Chill out, Jenny,” Janice swung a leg over the side of the staircase and slid down the banister. She slid off, handing me the book. “It’s got a truth spell. We’re going to use it on Spike, and we’ll find out about the thrall business. Then you might be able to come over and play, if Giles lets. He’s kind of a stuffy host.” Miss Calendar sighed, and Janice clapped a hand to mouth in mock horror. “Have I said too much? Bad Janice!” 

_Giles. Great._ “Any chance you’ll give me the address?” I asked hopefully. 

“I think you’d better leave now,” Miss Calendar said, but there was a smile playing at her lips. “I’ll walk you out.”

We started toward the door. I gave her my most beseeching look. “Are you just trying to get me away from Janice so you can give me the address without giving Janice any ideas?” 

Miss Calendar gave me a small smile. “I doubt Janice needs any ideas on how to subvert authority.” She put a hand on mine, and I turned to look at her. “I wanted to talk to you about Spike. Am I right in assuming you have some kind of feelings for him? From the way Dawn put it…”

“Something like that,” I said uneasily. “But we’re not in a relationship or anything. Just friends.”

“Be careful,” Miss Calendar said softly. “Relationships with vampires are never a good thing. They don’t end well.”

“What about Angel?” I challenged, knowing what was coming. _Stupid soul. I bet Dawn wouldn’t be half as biased without Angel and his soul around. _

But Miss Calendar surprised me. She shook her head, troubled. “They don’t end well,” she repeated. “Take care.”

I left the school, Miss Calendar’s warning ringing in my ears.

\--

“Willow!” I found her sitting on a shady bench, speaking to Tara in a low voice. “Hey Tara! Willow, do you think you could hack into Sunnydale High’s computer system and get Giles’s address? Or maybe try a locator spell-“ I smirked at her, and both girls looked stricken. I wondered what Tara’s role had been in Willow’s adventures last night. “-for real this time?”

Willow’s eyes lit up. “Or maybe we could go into the city records, and find all the British citizens in Sunnydale, and then we can check each one-“

“O-or you could check the phone book,” Tara offered, looking down when we both stared at her.

Willow blinked. “Or we could check the phone book.”

“Remember how we used to be sensible?” I reflected.

“I was never sensible,” Willow pointed out.

“Valid point,” I conceded. 

\--

Giles lived closer than I’d have thought, in a nice little house that looked completely ordinary. I figured that if you were the helpless old man in charge of coaching the girl who gave monsters nightmares, you had to blend in. 

I rapped on the door, expecting an extremely pissed Dawn. Instead, I got a flustered Giles.

“Er…Buffy. I’m afraid I wasn’t anticipating company.”

“I just want to talk to you,” I said innocently. “Can I come in?” 

Giles took off his glasses and started wiping them vigorously. “Oh, my flat is simply a wreck right now. I really can’t entertain in-“

I stepped past him into the house. “Nice place. Where’s Spike?” 

“BUFFY!” I heard a howl from a side room. I yanked open the door, and saw… 

“A _bathtub_?” I demanded, disgusted. “You’ve chained him up in the bathtub? So much for British hospitality.”

Spike tried to reach up to me, but was held back by the thick chains that kept him in place. “Are you here to get me? They call themselves the good guys, but they’re really sadistic evil bastards! I wouldn’t even do this to my enemies, and I’m the big bad! Angelus gets some sick pleasure out of chaining me up, I’m…what?” He squinted at my face.

I drank him in, smiling as his voice washed over me. _Is this what love feels like? _“Nothing. I was just worried about you.” I bent down to kneel next to the tub. “How are you doing?”

He smiled, letting the fingers that could reach me stroke my cheek gently. “Missed you, pet.” I melted. “And these prats have been absolutely _unbearable_. They won’t even feed me!” 

I turned back to glare at Giles, who was watching us interact with a gaze both detached and concerned. “Dawn said you’d get him blood! And these chains are inhumane!”

“Shockingly, humane behavior is not my main concern around Spike,” Giles said coolly. “And Dawn intended to pick some blood up today, but I’m afraid that your mother’s paramour has distracted her for the time being.”

“I guess I’ll get some…wait. Paramour?” I frowned. “Like boyfriend? My mom doesn’t have a boyfriend!” 

“She was here complaining about him all morning,” Spike added, just a little bit of a whine in his tone.

“Mom didn’t mention him yesterday. Neither did Dawn.” I felt a little snubbed. I’d been away for a while, but news like Mom dating again warranted at least a phone call! 

“M’pretty sure she just found out, Big Sis,” Spike said soothingly. “She’ll probably tell you soon, too.”

“She’d better,” I muttered.

“Buffy,” Giles spoke up, his tone decisive. “I’d like you to come with me. There’s something you need to see.” 

I looked at Spike. He nodded resignedly, a hint of sadness in his eyes. “Go ahead, love.” 

I squeezed his hand, tossed him one last smile, and followed Giles to the next room. 

“If you’re going to continue this relationship, it’s best that you know with whom you’re spending your time,” Giles informed me, holding out a book.

I took it, frowning. “I know he’s a vampire, Giles. What else do I need to know?”

He didn’t say anything, just motioned for me to sit.

I flipped open the book to the bookmarked page and began to read.

_William the Bloody. Nicknamed Spike for impaling his victims with railroad spikes. Murderer with an immense lust for violence. One of the worst documented living vampires. Part of what was called the Scourge of Europe. Killed. Killed. Killed even more, just for the sake of killing. Presumably also a rapist and torture artist, like his sire’s sire and mentor, Angelus. _(Angelus?)_ Cruel. Soulless. Murderer._

I read about six pages until my eyes were too blurry with tears to read anymore. It was more than enough. The bloody picture it painted didn’t match the man I’d spent so much time with lately. And yet...

Pervasive memories surged to the front of my mind.   
_  
“You’re lucky I’ve got some business with the Slayer, or you’d be dead already, pet.”_

“Have I met all the Summers now? Got any men hidden in that big, old house? You know who I haven’t seen? Daddy dearest. Wonder where he could be.”

“I think I’ll turn you. You’d make a magnificent vampire.”  
  
I pulled myself up and walked to the bathroom with leaden feet.

Spike looked up at me, his eyes hopeful. “Buffy?”

“Is it all true?” I asked blankly.

He met my eyes. “Mostly,” he said evenly. “It’s who I am.”

I nodded and left the house, not stopping to say goodbye to Giles and see his satisfied face.

_He’s sick. How sick am I that I fell for him?_

I went through the motions the next few days. Hung out with Willow, Xander, and sometimes Tara. Met Ted, Mom’s boyfriend. Didn’t see what was so bad about him. He made good mini-pizzas. Did my schoolwork. Dated Riley. Avoided being alone outside at night. 

I didn’t speak to Spike. I didn’t speak about Spike. And no one spoke about him to me, after the first few times. 

Until the morning came when none of us could speak at all.


	10. Chapter 10

I woke up to silence. Unusual on a normal day of school, but not unheard of. It was my first sign that something was wrong.

My second came when I tried to say good morning to Willow, and nothing came out. 

We stared at each other in confusion, rubbing our throats to see if there was something wrong. Willow shrugged, frowning. I shook my head and grabbed my phone to check for news on the Slayer front. 

Someone picked up, but all I could hear was breathing. _Right. Stupid Buffy! Phone won’t do any good!_

I ran to my desk, found a sheet of paper, and scribbled “DAWN” on it hastily. Willow nodded and we quickly got dressed. 

There were few cars out; instead, the streets were packed with lost-looking people. Men in suits wandered aimlessly around and children cried voicelessly. A homeless man banged on pots rhythmically, the clanging sounds echoing through the silent streets. Across the street, a pickpocket grabbed a woman’s wallet and ran, the woman unable to call for help. I started after him, but a lone car blocked my way, and he was gone when it passed.

Willow tapped my shoulder and motioned to a man standing with dry-erase boards. _Ten dollars apiece?_ I marveled in disgust. This strange silence was definitely not showcasing the best in humanity… 

But we each bought one anyway, glaring at the sleazy seller as we did.

The school was locked and empty, a sign on the door indicating that it was closed due to the “Mass Laryngitis Outbreak.” Because that was _so_ believable. 

“GILES?” I suggested.

Willow nodded in agreement, and we headed there.

I hadn’t been to Giles’s since the afternoon when I’d found out about Spike, and I wasn’t looking forward to returning. Thinking about Spike gave me a headache. He had been so good to me and Willow while he had been staying with us, so _tame._ Could the chip really have made such a strong impact on him so quickly? What was he really? My conceptions about Spike were all so muddled. On one hand, I loved the snarky vampire who was gentle and protective over me. On the other hand, he’d spent over a hundred years before I’d met him as a violent, bloodthirsty vampire. How could I possibly call him a friend now?

And the more disturbing question that rose up when I wasn’t lost in denial…why didn’t it matter to me as much as it should? 

I shook my head clear of thoughts of Spike. I wasn’t going to Giles’s to see him. I was going to help them or get help from them. 

Giles let us in quickly, his eyes dark and concerned. Inside, Miss Calendar and Janice were already sitting, poring over books of magic and demons. Willow sat down with them, happily switching into research mode. I frowned, wondering what I was supposed to do. 

“WHAT’S GOING ON?” I wrote to Giles.

He shrugged helplessly.

“WHERE’S DAWN?”

He took my board and scribbled, “SHOULD BE HERE SOON.”

I sighed and wandered over to the bookshelf, picking up an old book. I flipped through it, bored, but didn’t see anything interesting. When I shut it, I glanced at the title and realized why. _Fairy Tales._

Fine. There was only one more thing to do.

I edged over to the bathroom where Spike had been last time, glancing up at Giles questioningly.

Giles shook his head vehemently and headed for me. 

I glared at him, annoyed. He couldn’t possibly still be trying to keep me from Spike! But Giles just took the book out of my hands and gave me a sad smile. _Oh. _

I stepped into the bathroom, my eyes widening at the sight of Spike. He was thinner than I’d remembered, and paler than usual with blood loss. Clearly, Dawn hadn’t been feeding him as often as we had. In stark contrast to his skin were his wrists, reddened from straining at the chains that still held him in place in the bathtub. 

Abandoning all my previous uncertainty, I ran to him, stroking his wrists under the chains tenderly. He gave me a sad smile with a hint of insecurity, still uncertain about how I felt about him now. I looked around wildly and caught sight of the key to the chains lying on the edge of the sink. 

When I let him out, he just stared at me with a look of utter awe on his face. He rose and I tensed, wondering how I’d be able to explain myself to Giles if he ran. But instead, he wrapped an arm around me and escorted me out of the bathroom. 

I curled up next to him on the couch. Willow gave us a wave, Giles watched us dispassionately, Janice rolled her eyes, and Miss Calendar gazed at us with a look of building concern. But I was too caught up in Spike’s warm embrace to care too much. 

He stroked my hair and mouthed down at me, _You alright?_ I nodded and laid my head on his shoulder. Now I was.

It didn’t matter, I realized with a sudden burst of clarity. Spike wasn’t a good person. I knew that now. But if I spent all my time dwelling on that, I’d never get anywhere. Spike’s nature was to hunt and kill humans, true. But if I were going to judge him, I’d judge him by who he was now as opposed to who he’d been. It was the only way I could possibly reconcile my feelings for him, and life- well, _my_ life, anyway- was too short to waste time dwelling on the past.

Giles banged on the table next to the couch, catching everyone’s attention. He held up the book I’d been poring through and handed it to Miss Calendar. She glanced at the open page and looked up at him, startled. 

Spike hopped up to crane his head over Miss Calendar’s shoulder to see the page. He wrinkled his nose in distaste. 

I followed suit and caught sight of one of the most hideous creatures I’d ever seen. It was tall, pale, and skeletal, and oddly enough, was wearing a suit. But the part of it that truly frightened me was a wide Joker-esque smile that looked almost painted on. The caption read, “The Gentlemen.” 

Giles went to his desk to take out a notebook, where he had scribbled,  
_  
Can’t even shout, can’t even cry  
The Gentlemen are coming by.  
Looking in windows, knocking on doors,  
They need to take seven and they might take yours.  
Can’t call to mom, can’t say a word  
You’re gonna die screaming but you won’t be heard.  
_  
We looked at him questioningly. He clarified with Willow’s board, “SLAYER DREAM,” which apparently made sense to everyone there except for me. 

_Speak of the devil…_ Dawn barreled into the house a moment later with a dry-erase board of her own. She wrote something hastily and raised it triumphantly. 

“TED SPOKE.”

My eyes widened. “HOW?” 

Dawn bent over the board again. “I THINK ROBOT.”

I laughed, but turned and saw that no one else was following suit. _Huh. Guess anything’s possible on a Hellmouth…_

Janice took Willow’s board and held it up. “I’M COMING.”

Giles shook his head, taking the board back. “THE GENTLEMEN!”

Dawn frowned at him in confusion, but Janice just tossed her hair and mouthed _later!_, pulling Dawn out the door with her. Giles sighed, settling down in Janice’s vacated seat and perusing the fairy tale more thoroughly.

\--

I fell asleep a little while later. When I awakened, night had fallen, and Dawn and Janice were still missing. Spike was stretched out next to me, fast asleep, and Willow had left to find Tara and warn her about the Gentlemen. I knew that Dawn would keep an eye on Mom, and I thought guiltily of Xander, who was likely oblivious in his parents’ basement.

I went over to Giles, who was frowning over his desk, and peered down at his notes.  
_  
Gentlemen- come to town, steal voices so no one can scream.  
Take seven hearts.  
Defeated when the princess screamed once.  
_  
I pointed at the word _princess_ and looked to Giles expectantly. He immediately shook his head. 

I fumbled for my board. “WHO ELSE?”

He nodded, resigned. 

There was a knock at the door, and I ran to open it, expecting the missing Slayer.

It was Angel. I smirked, wondering if he had an invite. Giles probably couldn’t invite him in without a voice….

He took my smirk as a smile and gave me a genuine grin back, stepping into the house.

_Damn!_

Giles rose from his seat with a smile of relief, handing the vampire his notebook. 

Miss Calendar frowned and wrote on my board, “ANGEL AND BUFFY PATROL?”

I scowled and crossed out “ANGEL,” replacing it with “SPIKE.”

They all shook their heads vigorously.

Angel put his hand on my shoulder, giving me a pitying look. _Evil_, he mouthed. 

“DON’T CARE,” I retorted. 

Hands clapping together distracted us, and we turned to see Spike grinning up at me. He blew me a kiss. I blushed, just a little. 

His smile instantly disappeared as he turned to Angel, and his eyes darkened with a sudden rage. A voiceless growl escaped his mouth, and I tried futilely to stop him as he leaped at Angel. Angel punched him hard, throwing him against the wall before he could touch the souled vampire. I ran to Spike, glaring at Angel.

_What is it?_ I mouthed.

He stared at me helplessly, his jaw still clenched in fury. What was going on? Angel seemed unsurprised by the attack, though Giles and Miss Calendar were just as confused as I was. We all knew that Spike hated Angel and vice versa, but this really wasn’t the time for male posturing. I shook my head at Spike, a little annoyed, but mostly just puzzled. _Later,_ I reproved him, and he nodded, his eyes still narrowed with hatred. 

Angel came over to me, reaching out a hand to help me up. I ignored it and rose on my own. “LET’S GO.”

I squeezed Spike’s shoulder and nodded to the adults. It was time to prove my mettle.

\--

We were halfway across town when we caught sight of flapping, straitjacketed creatures weaving up and down as they crawled forward through the streets. Behind them were the Gentlemen, tall and ethereal and supremely creepy. I shuddered.

Angel put a reassuring hand on my arm. I shrugged it off. Seriously, what was his deal? He was supposedly dating my sister, not me! And maybe I was overanalyzing it, but I was _definitely_ getting vibes off of him. According to Spike, the man before the vampire was a drunken womanizer. It made a lot of sense.

But then again, according to Spike, “William the Bloody” was a shy poet. So maybe the vampire wasn’t the man at all.

Right. Back to the Gentlemen. They had looked scary on paper, but in person, they were even worse, their smiles wider, their hands clapping together as though they were politely applauding, their bodies floating above the ground. 

One turned in our direction, and Angel jumped forward to block it from seeing me. 

But it was too late. The Gentlemen turned and glided toward us, preceded by their minions. 

Angel shoved me backwards and lunged at one, vamping in mid-leap. I shrank back, batting ineffectually at one minion as it backed me up against the side of the building. 

But I wasn’t a damsel in distress, I reminded myself. I was learning how to fight now, for times like this. 

I ducked my head as the creature swung at me, moved to the right, and kicked up, smashing what was probably its face upward. _Hah!_ I noted with satisfaction a stream of yellowish fluid seeping through the bandage covering its nose. 

It shook its head at me, lumbering closer, when an electrical blast came out of nowhere, hitting the minion, and it fell to the ground, twitching.

I spun around, wondering what new evil was lurking.

It was…  
_  
RILEY?  
_  
There he was, my normal, corn-fed Iowan boyfriend, whose most interesting stories usually had something to do with sports or the Midwest or both, wearing military fatigues and aiming a rifle at the Gentlemen. _No friggin’ way!_

We froze in shock, staring at each other. 

Then a minion was thrown down right in front of me, and I turned to see Angel giving me an impatient glance, motioning toward the clock tower where the Gentlemen were fleeing.

Right. There were more important things going on than my commando boyfriend. I followed Angel, Riley right behind me.

We raced up the winding stairs behind the Gentlemen, the remaining four minions attacking us again. I was thrown down the stairs, and Riley caught me and set me down again. I shot him a grateful look, and he gave me a sheepish smile. I wondered if the whole big dumb guy thing was a front. _Nah. _Superman_ couldn’t fake that look._

Angel charged at the Gentlemen, but they turned away from him, uninterested in his unbeating heart. Instead, they went for me. 

Riley shot at them, and one fell to the ground. I noted dazedly that it still floated above the ground while prone.

Angel thrust the next at Riley, and he shot it, too. The other Gentlemen backed away, letting the minions shield them from Riley. 

Riley frowned, looking from me to Angel. _What now?_ he mouthed.

I shrugged, looking at a nearby table. Seven glass jars sat upon it.

_“They need to take seven and they might take yours…”_

I moved to the table and raised one of the jars, throwing it down to smash it. Angel joined me while Riley pointed his gun threateningly at the Gentlemen. 

Angel lifted a box from the table, inspecting it, and I watched with rising panic as the Gentlemen literally flew forward toward him. _What’s gotten them so worried?_ I nudged Angel, and he frowned at the approaching demons with sudden comprehension. He set the box back down, raised his fist, and sent it crashing down onto the box, shattering it instantly.

I took a deep breath, and shrieked as loudly as I could. The Gentlemen’s heads popped off, spraying us all with slimy goo.

“Buffy. BUFFY!” Angel shouted over me.

I stared at him, my mouth still wide open.

“You can stop screaming. It’s over! We did it.” He smiled at me. “You did it.”

I glared at him. “Don’t patronize me!”

Riley eyed us dubiously. “So, who’s this guy, Buffy?”

I blinked. Was he jealous? Of Angel? Wow. If ever there were a guy I _wasn’t_ interested in, it was the hulking pedophile beside me. “He’s my sister’s boyfriend.”

“Oh.” Riley looked simultaneously relieved and concerned. “I know this is going to sound crazy, but you need to step away from him.”

Ooh. Forceful Riley. Definitely an improvement on Normal Riley. But still no Spike. “Why? I know he’s all creepy broody guy, but…”

“Buffy, you have to believe me.” Riley took a deep breath. “Your sister’s boyfriend is a vampire.”

I shrugged nonchalantly. “Cool.”

  



	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some early lines taken from Doomed.

Riley sat down heavily. “You know.”

I nodded. “It comes with the territory. What about you?”

“I can’t give you any details,” Riley said quickly. “All of my work is classified.”

I grinned sardonically. “Let me guess. You’re part of some military monster squad that captures demons, vampires,” I considered, “Probably have some official sounding euphemisms for them, like unfriendlies or non-sapiens…”

“Hostile Subterrestrials,” Riley corrected.

There was a dark snort from behind us, where Angel leaned warily against the wall, his eyes on the other man.

I smirked. “So you deliver these…HSTs to a bunch of lab coats, who perform experiments on them, which among other things turn some into harmless little bunnies. How am I doing so far?”

Riley frowned suspiciously. “A little too well.”

“Meanwhile, by day you pretend to be Riley Finn, corn-fed Iowa boy. Ever been to Iowa, Riley?” I shouldn’t have been angry, not after what I was putting him through without his knowledge. But it bothered me, being lied to all the time. Even by Riley… “God, if that’s even your name!”

“It is!” Riley said quickly. “Born and raised. And hey!” He turned to glare at the vampire behind me. “Bulletin: I’m not the only one who’s being less than honest here. Hanging out with vampires?”

“My sister’s the Slayer,” I explained.

He stared at me blankly. “Slayer?”

“She kills vampires. It’s a whole sacred calling thing.”

Riley motioned to Angel. “I think she missed one.”

Angel still didn’t speak, doing his best to remain menacing. Riley wasn’t cowed, I noted with a measure of pride. “Yeah, well, she has this whole thing with him because he has his soul. Apparently, that’s supposed to make him a good guy. They work together.” I brightened. “But if you want to take him and do lots of freaky experiments on him, you’re welcome to borrow him.”

“Hey!” Angel objected. He turned hurt puppy-dog eyes to me. “I thought we were getting along.”

I rolled my eyes. “Angel, we couldn’t _speak_ for the past day. That doesn’t mean we’re friends, or distract me from the fact that you’re several hundred and violating my sister.”

“I’m not-“ Angel objected, then thought better of it. “Never mind. Let’s _not_ discuss this.”

“So can I take him now?” Riley asked hopefully.

I shook my head. “Nah, Dawn would probably get mad. I don’t need something else for her to bitch about.” I turned back to Angel, but he’d disappeared. “Plus, you’d have to catch him first.”

“How’d you find out so much about the Initiative?” Riley wondered.

“The Initiative?”

“Damn.” Riley smacked his head. “I don’t usually suck this much at the secret agent thing.” He gave me a warm smile. “You bring it out in me.”

I bit my lip. “Riley…”

He gazed down at me with sudden concern. “Buffy, this doesn’t have to change anything. I’m still me. The Initiative is just a job.”

This was it, finally, the way out of the relationship. He’d lied to me, kept a huge secret from me, and now I could end things because of it. This might even end well. _And now you can try to win over the guy you love, who’s been with someone else for a century. Right._

And now that my mind was on Spike… “What did you do to the vampires who can’t feed?” I asked abruptly.

He looked startled. “We put a behavioral modification chip in their brains. It goes off whenever they hurt humans. We’ve only done it to a few HSTs, though. How do you know about it? That information is so classified that-“ He stopped. “Hostile Seventeen.”

“Hostile what?” I asked innocently. _Dammit! Not…_

“Hostile Seventeen. A vampire who managed to escape.” He scowled. “Billy Idol look, black coat…? We’ve been searching for him for weeks!”

My jaw clenched. “Lay off of Spike.”

“Spike?” Riley repeated disbelievingly. “Your cousin? You’ve been harboring an HST?” He paced back and forth in front of me. “I don’t believe this. When Walsh finds out-“

“Professor Walsh is involved in this?” I demanded. “Is this a whole college-wide conspiracy?”

Riley ignored me, or didn’t hear at all. “That HST has some very expensive technology in its brain! And it’s dangerous!”

“Not anymore!” I retorted. “Thanks to you. You…you neutered him!”

Riley turned to stare at me. “And that’s a bad thing?”

I stopped to contemplate that. Yes, it was horrifying and debilitating for Spike, but for me and Dawn and anyone who might have been his target… “I guess not,” I conceded quietly, horror and gratitude swimming through my mind. “It’s just…”

Riley took my hands earnestly. “Tell me where Hostile Seventeen is. We’ll make sure it’s kept from hurting anyone ever again.”

I shook my head. “You really don’t get it, do you? Spike’s my friend. I’m not giving him up to you.” I met his eyes evenly. “And I’m not the one keeping him safe anymore, so you won’t be able to find him. You soldier-types can’t even begin to imagine the enemies you’ll make if you target Spike.” Okay, I was bluffing, but how was Riley to know that?

He sighed heavily. “Alright. I won’t tell anyone about Hostile Seventeen. But I can’t stop them if they find it on their own. Are we good?” He looked to me hopefully.

I shook my head regretfully. “I’m sorry, Riley. I need some time.”

His face fell. “I understand.”

_No, you don’t._ But I kissed his cheek and turned to leave the clock tower. Had this really just been one day?

But it wasn’t over yet.

\--

Dawn was waiting for me at out house. “Nice work, Buffy,” she said, smiling. “Sorry I was a little obsessed with Ted.”

“Was he a robot?” I asked curiously.

She nodded. “He had his other- dead, I might add- wives in his basement.” She shuddered. “They all looked a lot like Mom. It was lucky I came when I did- I think he was pretty much ready to take Mom away…”

“And Mom?”

Dawn looked down. “She’s not doing too well. I think we’re going to have an ice cream and romantic comedy night.” She looked to me expectantly. “Want to join?”

I concealed my surprise quickly. Dawn hadn’t invited me to do anything with her in years. “I have an early class tomorrow,” I said apologetically. “Another time, maybe.”

Dawn gave me a sympathetic look. “I’m sorry about your boyfriend. Angel told me what happened.”

I shrugged. “He’s not my boyfriend anymore. And it’s actually better this way.”

Dawn smirked. “That’s right. You and Spike looked pretty cozy earlier. What’s with that?”

“He’s got Dru,” I informed her. “We’re just friends.” I gave her a sharp look. “And if you give me the vampire speech…”

Dawn sighed. “I think it’s safe to say that you’re not under thrall. I just hope you know what you’re doing.”

I rolled my eyes and turned to go.

“Wait!” Dawn objected. “Mom can give you a ride back. There’ll be vamps out.”

“I made it here, didn’t I?” I tossed over my shoulder.

I made it three blocks before a hand shot out of the shadows and grabbed me, pulling me to a familiar chest.

“Spike! What are you…?”

He cocked his head. “Angel’s finally gone out. Let’s go.” He headed in one direction swiftly.

“Go where?” I demanded breathlessly, speed-walking to keep up with him.

“I smelled her on him earlier.” Spike slowed down for a moment so I could keep up. “He’s got her somewhere, and my guess is his apartment.”

“Her? Who her?” I asked, my stomach sinking as I awaited the response I knew would come.

He turned to look at me disbelievingly. “Who do you think? Dru!”

“Of course,” I muttered. “He’s holding her captive?”

Spike suddenly looked uncomfortable. “Thing is, Dru might not have been captured, exactly. Angel’s her sire.”

“So?”

Spike quickened his step again. “Sire-childe bonds are strong, stronger than almost anything. Dru’s always been Angel’s,” he said bitterly. “I knew that no matter how close we were, no matter how much time we spent together, whenever she saw her ‘Daddy….’” His voice trailed off.

I looked down, feeling a wave of pity and some healthy jealousy. Why would he bother with someone like that? Why would he stay with her, knowing another man always came first? “I’m sorry.”

“Hey.” Spike stopped short and turned to give me a brief smile. “Not your fault, love.”

The pet name warmed me and I squeezed his hand for a moment. He reached out a hand and stroked my cheek. “You did something incredible tonight, going out there against the Gentlemen without any powers to protect you.”

I managed a smile, more focused on the hand on my cheek and the chills running down my spine than the conversation. “Hey, I can fight. I’m not just a pretty face.”

“And such a pretty face it is,” Spike murmured huskily, moving forward.

Was he going to kiss me? I leaned upward, our lips inches away, when Spike turned away abruptly, letting his hand fall. “We’ve got to get to Dru while the poof is gone,” he said curtly, not meeting my gaze.

I looked away. “Right. Dru.”

We didn’t talk for the rest of the walk.

\--

Angel’s apartment was dingy and in a bad neighborhood. “Funny,” Spike muttered. “Angelus always preferred the mansions. Probably some twisted kind of penance for him, living in a hovel.”

He headed for the door, but was thrown aside before he could touch the knob. “What the hell are you doing here, Spike?” Angel demanded.

The other vampire glared up at him. “Where’s Dru?”

“And you finally figured it out,” Angel sneered. “She’s here of her own free will. But you knew that, didn’t you?”

Spike rose, a sudden smile splitting his face. “Have a suspicion, actually.” And he pulled back his fist and let it smash forward into Angel’s stunned face. “Couldn’t help but notice the lack of pain when I jumped you earlier.” He smirked. “I can hurt demons!” He drew back his fist for another punch.

Angel took it, giving back to Spike as well as he took. Soon, they were throwing each other around like they were rag dolls, drawing blood and pounded bruises while I watched, bemused.

“Buffy!” Spike panted, his face bright with exhilaration from the fight. “Get Dru!”

I edged past them, advancing toward the door. Angel tossed me a glance, then shrugged and went back to beating the stuffing out of Spike.

The door was already open.

A woman stood at the threshold, watching the two fight with a measure of glee. And staring at Drusilla, I understood why Spike would stay with her for so long. She was beautiful, dark-haired and delicate with ivory skin and eyes unusually wide and dark. A dangerous sparkle lit up her eyes as she observed, clutching a porcelain doll and leaning slightly against the door.

“Sunshine,” she murmured, reaching out to touch my face. I recoiled. “You burn, burn with the sunshine!” She clapped her hands together. “Put it out, Daddy! Make it stop!”

“Dru?” Spike extricated himself from the fight, running to her eagerly. “Dru, pet, how are you? I was so worried…”

She hissed at him, scraping her nails over his bruised face and drawing blood. “Bad Spoike! Walking in sunshine! Miss Edith is so very cross.”

“Dru, I’ve come to take you home,” Spike continued doggedly. “Spike’s going to make it all better.”

“NO!” she shouted, batting at his chest angrily. “Stay away! Bad Spoike! Bad Spoike! Won’t play with Daddy anymore! The poison is all over you…”

Spike’s eyes darkened. “Come on, love. I was kidnapped. I didn’t mean to leave you. And now I’m back and everything will be like it was.”

“Never,” Dru snapped. “He lies, yes, Daddy?”

Angel moved to her, and she hid behind him. “Daddy’s coming back. Go away!”

Angel sighed. “Get out of here, Spike.”

Spike just stared blankly at Dru. “Pet…”

But she and Angel were both gone, disappeared into the apartment.

I wrapped an arm around his back. “Let go home,” I said gently, escorting him back to the dorm.

He sat down on the bed. He still hadn’t said a word.

“She’ll be back,” I said encouragingly, joining him.

He kissed me.

One moment we were sitting side-by-side on the bed, the next I was lying beneath him, my lips glued to his and his tongue doing things to me that I had never felt before. His hands were running up and down my back, under my shirt, massaging my breasts, making me jerk and thrust up to him. I didn’t care about anything but the sensations he was causing in me, not about breathing, not about thinking, not about what had happened…

What had happened…

No.

I shoved him back hard, tearing my lips away from his with more than a little regret. “No,” I panted.

“Buffy?” he asked, his brow furrowed in confusion.

I regained my breath. “No. Spike, I’m sorry, but…” I was probably going to regret this for the rest of my life. What was I thinking? “I’m not a consolation prize.”

He stared at me, his lips tightening into a thin, straight line. “_Fine_,” he snapped, and stormed out of the room.

I slunk to the floor, my head bowed in depression. I had made the right decision.

But at what cost?


	12. Chapter 12

I moped around for a bit, my depression fueled when Willow didn’t show up in the dorm…_again_. She’d been out nearly every night for the past week, doing spells with Tara or studying in the library. When did she find time to sleep? 

But finally, even without my sensible friend’s help, I made an active decision to stop obsessing over what had happened. So Spike and I had had a fight. And he had left. Because I wouldn’t let him take out his frustration with Dru on me. If he was going to kiss me, he’d be kissing _me_, not her. Right. It made sense. And I was going to stop sulking and do something fun.

So the next day, I went out with Willow and Xander to the Bronze. I hadn’t been there since the first time I’d met Spike, I remembered with a grin. A lot had changed since then…

Xander rubbed his throat. “I don’t get it. My throat wasn’t sore or anything. What kind of laryngitis virus was it?”

Willow and I shrugged innocently. “One of those really long, scientific names,” I offered. “I don’t remember what. Good thing they cured it, huh?”

Xander nodded fervently. “Oh, yes. The Xanman without his voice is like Superman without his powers of flight!”

I laughed. “And we’d hate to have you powerless.”

“Whatcha talking about?” a bright voice asked from behind us. Dawn and Janice grinned down at us and took seats at our table. 

“Laryngitis,” Willow told them. “And therefore Superman.”

“Never underestimate my powers of geekdom!” Xander pronounced in a deep voice.

Janice eyed him speculatively. “Xander, right?” 

He grinned goofily. “You’ve heard of me?”

She gave him a coolly condescending look. “You’re going to dance with me now. And not talk about geek stuff.” She marched away from the table, followed closely by Xander. 

“Poor guy,” Willow said, shaking her head. “Always a sucker for the evil ones.”

“Speaking of evil…” Dawn narrowed her eyes toward the dance floor, where Spike was weaving through the crowd toward us. 

My heart leapt into my throat. “Spike!”

He nodded to me. “’Lo, pet. Wanted to talk to you.” Dawn pulled out a stake, and he spared her a glance. “Don’t worry, I’m not going to do anything evil right now.”

“Oh. Well, okay then,” Dawn said, at a loss. “But I should really capture you and take you back to Giles’.”

“Don’t bother,” I said, rolling my eyes. 

Dawn shrugged, putting the stake away. “Okay.”

_Ladies and gentlemen, Dawn the Vampire Slayer! Observe how she captures the evil vampire! _But why would she bother? It wasn’t like Spike could give them any more information than Riley already had. And he was harmless, anyway.

I met Spike’s eyes. “Want to talk?”

He nodded toward the door to the back alley. “Outside?”

I followed him. Why was this so awkward? Oh. Right.

When we were finally outside, leaning against the wall side by side, I couldn’t help but laugh at the irony of it. “Last time we stood here, you were planning on making me a late-night snack.”

Spike shuffled uncomfortably. “Right. Sorry ‘bout that.”

I touched his arm. “It’s over and done with now. I’ve moved on.”

He turned to face me, looking abashed. “I’m sorry about last night,” he blurted out suddenly. “I was just so upset about Dru, and you were being so…so _spectacular_, and I… I didn’t think. I do that a lot,” he said wryly.

“Yup,” I agreed. “And I don’t deny that you using me like that…well, it hurt,” I confessed. “But I know that last night was hard for you, and I don’t blame you for doing something stupid.” I gave him a small smile. “We’re good.”

Spike broke out into a beaming smile. “Friends again?”

I felt a jolt of chagrin. _Not FRIENDS! _“Friends,” I confirmed, mustering a smile.

We stood in comfortable silence for a while. “So, where’d you end up last night?” I asked conversationally.

He shrugged. “Found a nice, empty- well, not empty at first,” he amended. “-crypt out in Restfield. Think I might stay there for a while.”

“You know, now that you can hurt demons, you could probably go back to your minions,” I pointed out carefully. “They’ll still be scared enough of you that they’ll get you food and all.”

Spike was silent for a moment. “I don’t need to depend on anyone,” he finally muttered. “Not even…” his voice trailed off. 

He started to speak again, but was cut off when a girl raced into the alleyway and held him back, stake in hand. “Get away from her, vampire!” the girl shouted.

I yanked the girl away from him. “Do you _mind_? We’re trying to talk here!”

She shrugged my hand off. “This man is dangerous. Go back inside, I’ll take care of him.”

“No, he isn’t!” I snapped, sliding between them so I was protecting his heart. “He has a chip in his brain making him unable to bite and mostly defenseless, but he can still kill demons, so he’s totally fighting on the side of right these days, not that it’s any of your business and who are you anyway?” I asked suspiciously.

The girl paused for a minute, trying to keep up with my train of thought, then shrugged and tossed her hair with a flourish. “I’m Kennedy the Vampire Slayer.”

Spike laughed. “You’ve got to be kidding.”

“Behave, vampire,” Kennedy raised her stake again. “I’m the Slayer. It’s my duty and my privilege to stake you.”

“You’re not the Slayer,” I retorted.

She sneered at me. “What do you know? You’re a civilian under thrall.”

“I’m _not_ under thrall,” I said, annoyed. “Is it so impossible to believe that a vampire and a human would get along?”

Spike shrugged. “Happens all the time. I’ve worked with humans before and not eaten them. But usually only master vamp-“

“Shut up!” Kennedy snarled. “Step away from the girl!”

We stared at her with identical looks of disdain. “You’re not the Slayer,” I repeated. “My sister is. And she’s right inside.”

“That’s impossible,” Kennedy said, folding her arms. “I’m the Chosen One. I’ve been trained for this since I was a kid, and I was called last spring. Your sister’s just a vigilante. Slayer wannabe,” she muttered in disgust.

Spike shook his head with amusement. “Believe me, if I’d known that you were the Slayer, I’d have killed you first,” he offered magnanimously. 

“It would’ve been a public service,” I muttered. 

“What?” Kennedy asked.

Spike smirked. 

“Nothing,” I said innocently. “Come on. I’ll take you to meet Dawn and we can get this figured out.”

\--

“So, how long?” Kennedy asked Willow.

Willow stared at her blankly. “Long?”

“Since you realized that you were gay.”

Xander, Willow, and I all choked on our drinks.

“Willow’s not gay!” 

“I-I’m not gay!”

Kennedy flipped her hair. “Shame.” She shifted her chair closer to Willow’s. Willow edged away, looking terrified. “You’re _totally_ my type,” she whispered in her ear, loudly enough for all of us to hear.

Xander and Spike showed a moment of male solidarity and drooled. Willow let out a squeak, and she and I both shuddered.

Dawn came over, looking impatient. “We need to figure this out.”

“Figure what out?” Xander wondered.

“Nothing to worry your thick little head,” Spike said patiently, patting him on the shoulder. Xander gave me a dubious look. He was starting to doubt the “Cousin Spike” story, especially after he’d asked Dawn about it and she’d been utterly bewildered until she’d caught on. “Now shoo. The big kids need to talk.”

Xander shoved his hand away. “I’m not going anywhere,” he said, glaring at Spike. “Buffy? Wanna dance?”

I shrugged helplessly at Spike’s sudden glower. Had I missed some male posturing contest? “I guess so.”

Dawn tapped her foot, annoyed. “Fine. We can’t do this here. Come on, Kennedy. We’ll go to Giles.”

“Who’s Giles?” Kennedy asked suspiciously. “Some kind of leader of your vigilantes?” 

Dawn glanced at Xander for a moment. “He’s our school librarian. Kind of my mentor? British? _Watches_ stuff?”

Kennedy laughed unkindly. “You’re really into this whole Slayer delusion, aren’t you?”

“What’s a Slayer?” Xander asked.

“Let’s go dance,” I said hastily, pulling him onto the dance floor.

I danced with Xander for a while, watching Spike as I moved. He was sitting with Willow, talking and laughing with her, but his eyes remained fixed on me. Our gazes met, and a shiver went straight to my core. Xander’s arms might have been around me, but it was Spike who felt too close, who made it hard to breathe…

When I broke away from Xander, Spike moved to take his place. “Slayers went back to the Watcher’s house,” he murmured, his hands ghosting over my body.

“Oh,” I said faintly, letting myself fall back against him as I danced. I didn’t think that I could say much more.

His lips brushed my ear as he whispered, “Looked like you were having a good time with the big lug.”

I took his hands, wrapping them around my body as I swayed. “Huh?”

He laughed softly. “Never you mind.”

We rocked back and forth together, completely in sync. “What…?”

He let his fingers run along my waist and stomach. “Hm?”

“What are we doing?” I asked breathlessly, letting my eyes drift closed.

“We’re dancing,” he breathed, spinning me gently until I faced him, millimeters from his face. “Isn’t that what friends do?”

“Right.” _Someone should probably tell our bodies that…_ I was very aware of how much Spike’s body was _not_ seeing me platonically right then.

We didn’t speak anymore, just swayed lazily together, our eyes locked together and our arms tight around each other.

It felt like we’d been dancing forever when Spike finally pulled away. “The boy’s gone.”

I stared at him blankly. 

“Harris. He’s left,” Spike clarified.

“Oh.” I turned to check on Willow, where she sat waiting for us. She waggled an amused eyebrow at us, and I flushed. “I guess we should go find out what the deal is with Kennedy.” Then I remembered who I was talking to. “I mean, we’ll go. We’re not going to take you back to Giles…”

Spike smirked. “I don’t think the Watcher wants me back. He’s got someone new to irritate him, and I’d bet all my kittens that she’ll do a much better job.”

“Kittens?” Willow asked curiously, joining us. She wrinkled her nose. “Never mind, I don’t want to know.”

“Anyway, you’re not going out at night all alone, pet,” Spike informed me. “Lots of nasties out. You need Big Bad to escort you.”

I thought about pointing out that Willow was a witch and I wasn’t totally helpless, but I didn’t have the heart to turn down our newly refanged companion.

Plus, I liked having him around.

\--

Giles answered his door, looking greatly relieved to see us. “Buffy! Willow! Please, join us!”

Spike winked at me. “Having fun with the new Slayer, Rupes?”

Giles began cleaning his glasses with a rapidness that belied utter desperation. “She’s certainly a character, isn’t she?”

“Mr. Giles?” Kennedy asked from behind him. “Do you want me to put your blanket and pillows on the couch? And I’m going to need some new sheets.”

“She’s staying with you?” I asked, trying to hold back my laughter. 

“Apparently,” Giles said, flustered. “And from the sound of it, she’s taking my bedroom.” His brow furrowed. “I need some scotch.”

“You shouldn’t drink,” Kennedy informed him, her arms crossed. “Watchers need to be on hand for their Slayers at all times. You can’t be incapacitated by liquor.” 

“I refuse to believe that your Watcher never drank,” Giles muttered. 

“So it’s true?” I wondered. “You’re a Slayer?”

Kennedy gave me a superior look. “Of course.”

“When Dawn drowned last year, she was dead just long enough for another Slayer to be Called,” Giles explained tiredly, gesturing for us to enter the house.

“Don’t tell me the vampire has an invite here!” Kennedy demanded, looking horrified. “I’m _sleeping_ here!” 

Giles gave Kennedy a nasty look that she didn’t notice. “Spike, of course you’re always welcome here.”

“Lesser of two evils,” Spike mumbled, just loud enough for me to hear.

I grinned. “So, Kennedy, why are you here?”

Kennedy frowned. “My Watcher sent me here. The coven saw a dark evil rising near the Hellmouth, and that a Slayer would be needed. I guess she hadn’t gotten news that Dawn was still alive.”

We all breathed sighs of relief. Did that mean Kennedy would be going?

Kennedy glanced at Spike. “But from the look of things, I think you guys are going to need way more help. So I’m going to stay!”

Giles’s head hit the table with a loud _thunk!_.


	13. Chapter 13

“Buffy!” Riley hurried toward me as Willow and I left the classroom after Professor Walsh’s lecture. I sighed internally, wondering if he would become all stalkery now that we’d broken up. Not that I naturally assume that all guys are out to get me, but really? Riley of the dopey smiles, country origins, and secret identity? I wouldn’t have put it past him. Though now that I thought about it, maybe I should have expected tights and a cover job at the Daily Planet instead. “I need to speak to you about… that thing,” he said, glancing at Willow.

“It’s okay. I know.” Willow assured him.

“You told her about the Initiative?” Riley demanded. “Another civilian?”

“I’m a witch.” Willow folded her arms and gave Riley a reproving look. “If you’re attacking supernatural creatures, how can I know that I’m not next?”

“A witch,” Riley echoed, dazed. “You’re a witch. That’s…”

“Riley,” I prodded gently. “You wanted to talk to me?”

“Right.” He blinked. “Uh…Walsh wants to meet your sister. The Slayer. Maybe bring her into the operation.” Oh. Okay. Not stalking me. Just dragging my sister into the military. I wasn’t sure if that was better or not.

I considered sending him Kennedy, too. But I still had some compassion for the guy. “I’ll pass along the message.”

\--

“See, the trick is to look really helpless.” Spike circled me once, his eyes sweeping over my form. “And wear something much more revealing. You’ve got to look like you want to get laid.”

I frowned and pulled a little black number from my closet. “How about this?”

His eyes lingered on it. “I’d bite you.”

“You tried to bite me when I was in a jacket and pants,” I pointed out.

“_Leather_ pants,” he corrected. “A greater man would have succumbed, too.”

I threw the dress at him playfully, draping it over his head. It was three days after Riley had approached me, and we were in my dorm, preparing to patrol together. Of course, my idea of hunting vampires was very different from Dawn’s. We’d skip the cemeteries and go to the Bronze. And I was going to be bait.

Really, I was pretty sure that this was all a diabolical plot for Spike to see me in my skimpiest. And he hadn’t been dispelling the notion yet. Apparently, “friends” meant that we just danced around our attraction and flirted a lot.

But I wasn’t complaining.

“Go ahead, try it on,” Spike urged.

I gave him a look.

“What?” he asked with a very false laugh. “Like I want to see you naked!”

I smirked and shoved him out of the room, grabbing the dress as I shut the door.

“Having fun?” Willow asked innocently from her vantage point at her desk. “You two seem kind of cozy.”

I shrugged, remembering the vampire with enhanced hearing on the other side of the door. “No comment.”

Willow mimed falling breathlessly into Spike’s arms. I swatted at her before opening the door, tugging the dress down just a little as I did. It was probably a lost cause. But hey, I looked really hot!

Spike gaped at me. “That… that’s…that’ll do,” he said finally.

“You think so?” I asked sweetly.

He reached out to take my arm. “We’d better get going.”

We set out for the Bronze together, chatting about Giles’s new situation. “I swear, he’s going to quit if he has to spend any more time with that girl,” I laughed. “Dawn says that Giles has called the Council of Watchers three times, begging them to send Kennedy a Watcher. And it’s only been four days!”

“It’s worse,” Spike added conspiratorially. “I went over there to harass Rupes last night, and I heard her blathering on and on about his plans for the night.”

“What do you mean?” I asked curiously.

“Seems like the Watcher was planning on shagging his bird all night. Two Point Oh didn’t like the idea of him having a personal life outside of her.”

“Shagging his…_Gross_, Spike!” I shuddered at the thought of the librarian and Miss Calendar together.

Spike snickered. “As deplorable as the mental image is, I’ve got to give the Watcher some credit for getting a bird like the gypsy.”

“Gypsy?” I wondered.

“Yeah, the teacher.” Spike shrugged. “Killed a clan of them with Darla and Dru back after Angelus was cursed. Not any faces I’d soon forget, not with the power they had.”

“So you think Miss Calendar’s a gypsy?” I asked skeptically. “And from the clan who souled Angel?”

Spike nodded. “I asked her about it. She asked me not to tell the Watcher.”

“Wait, so she’s here to…what? Spy on Angel?” I frowned. As irritating as Giles could be, if he was being led on by a woman with other motivations…

“And she’s genuinely into the sod, for reasons I can’t fathom,” Spike reassured me. “I like the lady. She’s got spirit. And she was the only one who would give me blood. Rupes can forgive a little duplicity for a woman like that.”

“Oh.” We walked along in silence for a bit.

“Dawn’s working with the Initiative,” I said suddenly. “Catching and tagging demons.”

“Oh?” Spike’s face was expressionless. “Government funded Slayer. Can’t say I’m surprised.”

“She’s going to try to throw them off your scent. I think she’s finally accepted that you’re not going anywhere.”

“That’s good.” Spike stopped at the entrance to the Bronze. “Right there. The guy with the gray jacket.”

“Already?” I assessed the guy calculatingly. “He doesn’t look like a vamp. His outfit is totally outdated, though.”

Spike grinned. “Go ahead. Knock him dead.”

“Undead,” I corrected primly, sliding over to the guy. “Hi! I’m Buffy!”

“Steve.” The vampire was staring straight down my top, what little of it there was. I felt like calling, “I’m up here!” but I didn’t bother. After all, in a few minutes he’d be dust.

“Wanna dance?” I held out my hand coyly.

He cupped my ass with his hands, leering as he pulled me along clumsily.

It was a strangely liberating experience. Sure, I was dancing with a guy so repulsive that I wouldn’t have gone near him if he weren’t a vamp. But moving sinuously, seductively, in ways I never would have done before…It was freeing. Exhilarating. I was practically having sex on the dance floor. And I was completely in control.

I turned to catch sight of Spike, leaning against the wall as he watched. A tingle went through my skin as I saw the lust evident in his hooded eyes. He caught my glance and curled his tongue in front of his teeth in a leer.

And after that, it was Spike’s neck I was nuzzling, Spike’s body under my roving hands and Spike’s jeans I had begun to unbutton. “Wanna get out of here?” I asked breathlessly. Steve nodded, pulling me out to the back alley.

He leaned down toward my neck, and I kneed him in the groin, making him howl in pain. “I think we’re moving a little too quickly,” I said innocently.

Spike grabbed the vampire and threw him up against the wall. “No one gets fresh with my girl!” he roared, vamping out.

“Hey, man, I didn’t know that she was yours,” Steve said, holding up a hand. “She was practically fucking me right there. I couldn’t-“ He exploded into a shower of dust as Spike ripped off his head.

“Amateur,” Spike said disgustedly, wiping off his hands.

I grinned. “That was fun. Let’s do it again.”

We cleaned out the Bronze in only an hour, dusting twelve guys and one girl who didn’t seem to mind that I was female. Possessive Spike was fun to mess with, I discovered. And even more fun was watching him try to conceal the scowl that broke out on his face when I danced with the first twelve vamps. Of course, he didn’t even try to hide his leer when the female and I had danced together.

“So are all vampires bisexual?” I wondered from where I sat at a table with him.

Spike gave me a sidelong glance. “Is that your way of asking if Angelus and I ever got it on?”

I smacked him. “That’s just disturbing!” I squinted at him. “Wait. Did you?”

Spike smirked. “Wouldn’t you like to know?”

“God, you totally did.” I was momentarily lost in the picture of Angel and Spike entwined, pale skin and chiseled chests against each other… Angel might have had a creepy personality, but he definitely wasn’t bad-looking, and combined with Spike the Sex God…

“You’re drooling, pet,” Spike said conversationally.

I flushed. “I am not!”

“It’s not really bisexuality,” Spike continued as though we hadn’t segued. “S’more like we appreciate beauty. And it doesn’t matter to us whether it’s male or female beauty. Not like humans, who pick a gender and stick with it. Or like Will, switch back and forth. We just don’t discriminate.”

“What like Will?” I frowned. “Will likes the boys. She was totally in love with Xander for most of her life, till they actually dated. And she dates guys all the time. She hooked up with someone just a few weeks ago. Why is everyone convinced that she’s gay? First Kennedy, now you…”

“I’m not saying that she’s gay.” Spike speared a spicy buffalo wing from his plate and bit into it. “But she and Tara definitely have something brewing between them. Tara, she’s completely gay. Didn’t even blink twice when she saw my hot bod.”

“As if that would turn anyone on,” I teased, but my brow creased at the thought of it. “Willow would have told me about something like this.”

“Maybe,” Spike swigged a glass of beer. “Maybe not. If you suddenly realized that you were having lusty feelings for another bird, would you tell her immediately?”

I considered. “Not right away. I mean, what if she totally freaked and started acting weird around me? What if she thought that I was attracted to her and…” _Oh._ I blinked. “I see your point.”

“I say, let it sit for a while,” Spike advised. “If something’s going on between her and the quiet witch, she needs time to figure out what exactly it is. She’ll tell you when she feels comfortable doing it.”

“I guess,” I sighed, mulling it over. A thought suddenly occurred to me. “You don’t think she’s attracted to me, do you?”

“Oh, Buffy,” Spike gasped dramatically in a high-pitched voice. “You can turn a straight woman gay, you can.”

“Shut up,” I said, poking him.

“Hold me! Kiss me!” he squeaked.

I rolled my eyes. “And you’re supposed to be the old one here.”

He grinned. “We vampires, we’re just kids at heart.”

“Kids who like to brutally maim and kill humans without a second thought,” I added.

He pouted. “We just wanna have fun.”

I patted him on the head affectionately, letting my fingers run through his hair. It was surprisingly soft under all that gel. “Ever wonder what would happen if you were? Still able to maim and kill again, I mean?”

Spike was silent for a bit, and when he spoke again, it was very carefully. “I’d like to say that I would have fallen for your charms and we’d still be having fun here together, but…”

“But it’s not true,” I finished sadly. At least he was being honest with me. “I’d be dead. Maybe Dawn, too. You and Drusilla would be…”

“You wouldn’t have been dead, exactly,” Spike said uncomfortably.

“Oh?”

“I wanted to turn you,” Spike murmured. “I don’t know why. I don’t usually turn people, not unless it’s into minions. But there was something I saw that…”

“I’m not sure whether to be flattered or afraid,” I said lightly. Actually, I _was_ kind of flattered. To think that Spike had felt a connection to me before we’d even known each other meant a lot to me.

Not that I would’ve chosen to become an evil killer or anything.

Spike met my eyes seriously. “Dru knew. That I’d thought about making a Childe. She begged me not to go out that night, when the Initiative took me. Kept screaming about knick-knacks and sunshine and how she’d lose me to the child.” He laughed almost bitterly. “But I went out anyway. And now, for my troubles, I’ve got a chip in my head and a wayward Sire.”

I tensed at that. If this was going to be a moan-about-Dru session, I wasn’t sticking around for it. “I need another drink,” I ground out.

“Buffy…” Spike took my arm as I rose, stopping me from making my escape. “Wait.” He paused until I sat back down. “I can’t say that I’m glad about the chip. But I don’t regret what’s happened since, and what’s come from it. I wouldn’t trade it for anything.” His fingers traced patterns on my wrist. “Anything.”

_Not even Dru?_ I wondered silently. But I didn’t ask him. Maybe I wasn’t ready for the answer.

Spike escorted me back home much later that night, and I curled up in bed, dreaming of Spike. I didn’t know then what was coming.

How could I have known?

How could I have known that Professor Walsh had decided that my sister wasn’t compatible with their operation and needed to be disposed of? That she had sent Dawn into a no-win situation with a faulty weapon and expected her to die there? That she was only saved when Angel came barreling through the sewers, helping her fight off the demons that attacked them?

How could I have known what would happen next? That Dawn and Angel would finally consummate their relationship that night? That during that night, Angel would experience a moment of perfect happiness and his soul would be wrenched from his body? That Angelus would rise again?

I couldn’t have known.

So that night I slept peacefully, unaware of the horrors that were to come.


	14. Chapter 14

I frowned. “This is no good.”

Willow eyed it. “Turn around.”

I spun once, letting the gauzy green material of my skirt rise a bit. “It makes me look pasty. No one’s going to want to dance with me!”

Willow grinned. “Not even Spike? He’d dance with you if you were wearing a burlap sack.”

I blushed. Spike and I were going out again after the last night’s success, and I was determined to look perfect. Unfortunately, none of my clothes seemed apropos. What did I have to make a vampire’s jaw drop? Um…vampires. Plural. Because this was totally about patrolling. I was all business. Right. “Will! _Help_.” Who was I kidding?

Willow frowned and dug into my closet. “How about this?”

_This_ was a red peasant top. Combined with my black mini… “Perfect.” Spike’s colors. I granted Willow a grateful smile. “And people say you have no fashion sense.”

“Hey!” she protested.

I just patted her head and pulled on the top.

I was meeting Spike at the outskirts of the campus, since we were still worried about the Initiative. The less time Spike spent in the area, the better.

I heard a rustle behind me, and turned. Nothing. _Weird._ But things that went bump in the night were never a good sign, so I quickened my pace.

_Thump._

“Hello?” I called out nervously.

A dark figure stepped out into the path in front of me, and I jumped back in surprise. “Hey, Buff.”

“Oh. Angel,” I said unenthusiastically. “What, are you stalking me now?”

He smirked. I’d never seen that on his face. It twisted it into something almost mocking. It was actually an improvement, if a little unnerving. “Just wanted to say hi. Let’s go for a walk.”

I shivered. This wasn’t Angel, the silent, dark presence from behind my sister. This Angel was laughing at my uncertainty with utter disregard. “Aw, poor little Buffy, out alone all night. Who knows what demon could get you if you’re not careful? It could be a Fyarl. Or a Polgara.”

He moved until he standing right behind me, his voice low in my ear. “Or maybe a vampire.” His hands moved to my hips.

My phone rang, and I jerked out of his grasp. “Do you _mind_? The freaky rapist routine’s getting old.” I fumbled for the phone. “It’s Dawn. I’m going to get this.”

Angel slipped an arm around my waist, yanking me back to him and forcing me to drop the phone. He bent and retrieved it. “Hello, Dawnie,” he said smoothly. “Buffy’s a little busy right now.”

I could hear her voice cursing from the other line, and took a chance. “I’M ON CAMPUS! HEL-mmph!” Angel clapped a hand over my mouth.

“Well, that’s no good,” he observed. “Now Dawnie’s going to come after us here.” He smiled cruelly, twisting me to face him. “Thing is, Buff,” he drawled. “Dawn just wanted to tell you the great news. That pesky soul? All gone now!”

I struggled in his grasp, my movements wilder as a hand reached carelessly to my leg and tore my skirt open. “Shouldn’t dress like this if you’re just teasing,” he taunted. His tone grew reflective. “Imagine waking up and realizing that you’ve become the most pathetic vampire in history, and wasted the past hundred years hiding from the would and eating rats. _Rats_!” He shook his head in disbelief. “I tell ya, Buff, this was a real wakeup call. Made me understand some things. Like you.” His hand slipped under my panties, a finger plunging inside. I bit hard on the hand covering my mouth. He just laughed. “That idiot I became was so confused. After all those years living in dirty alleys, he’d suddenly met the Slayer. And he loved her for her goodness.” He snorted. I sobbed in pain and humiliation. “But then, there was her sister. A hot number. Not a little girl. And his demon wanted her.” He released my mouth, gazing at me in mock concern. “What’s wrong? Don’t like this?” He prodded me. “Sure feels like you do.” He twisted us around until I was backed against a tree. “Two sisters in the same night. Haven’t done _that_ in…oh, a hundred years.”

I gasped in a breath, and let it out in a howl. “SPIKE! SPIKE! HELP!”

Angel- Angelus- smirked. “Oh no! My wayward fledge! Whatever shall I do?”

I struggled to think with whatever faculties remained. One arm pinned my legs, one my arms. I was trapped against the tree. I needed to break free, but I couldn’t move away from his bulk.

Then Angelus drove me over the edge and I couldn’t think anymore.

He murmured into my ear, “It’s more fun if you run,” and then stepped away.

I stumbled forward, the black skirt I had obsessed over tattered and my dignity in shreds. Angelus watched me, amused. “That’s enough. Run!”

I ran. Behind me, Angelus followed slowly, his laughter ringing in my ears.

_Got to find Spike, Got to get away. Got to-_

“Buffy!” Spike ran to me, pulling me into his embrace. “What’s wrong? What happ-“ He froze, recognizing the scent. “Angel.” His voice was cold with fury. “What did he do to you?”

I shrank into his arms and wept.

“It’s going to be okay,” he crooned. “Spike’s gonna make it okay.” He lifted me into his arms, holding me close. “I’m going to take you home,” he informed me, his voice shaking with rage. “And then I’m going to kill that bastard.”

I laid my head on his shoulder, still shivering. I couldn’t think. But with Spike, I finally felt safe.

He carried me back to the dorm room, ignoring the stares from passing students. Willow had already left for the night, and I was grateful for the empty room. This wasn’t something I was ready to share.

Spike laid me down on my bed, stroking my hair gently. “Are you going to be okay on your own?”

I shook my head, shivering. “Don’t…don’t leave me.”

He crawled onto the bed and stretched out beside me. “I’ve got to go take care of Angel,” he said darkly.

“Angelus,” I whispered.

Spike paled. “Oh, bugger.”

I curled into his side. “He said…he said he lost his soul. I don’t…”

“Shh,” Spike murmured, his lips grazing my forehead. “Don’t worry about it. I’ll take care of everything.”

“I need to call Dawn,” I whispered. “She’s coming to get me.”

“I’ll do it.” Spike reached for the dorm room phone, dialing the number I gave him. He spoke for a minute, then hung up. “She’s already left. Girl really needs a cell phone.”

I sat up, fear for my sister more overwhelming than fear of Angelus. “We need to go warn her. If she just charges into things...” I yanked up a pair of pants from the floor and pulled them on, opening the door as I dressed.

Spike pulled me back. “You’re not going back out there!”

I wriggled out of his grasp. “I’m not staying here! Not while Dawnie’s in danger!” I ran for the stairs.

Spike cursed under his breath and followed.

Outside, the area was dark and still. Someone moved in the distance, but it was just another student, his frame much smaller than Angelus’s.

Spike came to stand beside me. “You shouldn’t be here,” he said through clenched teeth.

I clutched his hand in my own, the fear strong again now that I was back outside. “We have to find Dawn. She’d probably come in near Weisman Hall.” I pointed, and we headed in that direction.

On the way, I stumbled over something on the ground. It was my phone. Which meant that that tree had been the one where…

Spike was sniffing the area, his eyes dark and hard. “I’m going to kill him,” he said blankly. “I’ll rip off his head and set him on fire. I’ll tear open his chest and pull out his unbeating heart-“

I squeezed his hand. “Please, Spike,” I said shakily. “Let’s just find Dawn first.”

He pulled me back into his arms, kissing my forehead. I raised my tear-stained face to meet his, and he tilted his toward me, and…

“What an adorable scene,” Angelus drawled. “William’s found himself a nice human girl. How very pathetic.”

Spike tore away from me and charged at Angelus, his game face out and his fists clenched. He swung a fist at Angelus’s face, but the older vampire sidestepped and caught his wrist in midair. “You bastard!” he roared. “How dare you…you…”

“Oh, come on, babe,” Angelus said, smirking at me. “I thought we had a good time.”

Spike kicked him with full force, and he went flying into a wall. I watched Spike distractedly, focusing on the fight.

And then Drusilla swept over to me from where she had been waiting across the path. “Sunshine is so warm,” she cooed, letting her fingers run down my face. “My Daddy’s back. The stars are singing in my head.” I tried to step away from the crazy vampiress, but I was frozen in place by a force I couldn’t comprehend. “They say that my Spoike will return to us.”

“Like hell I will!” Spike snapped, swinging around to glare at Dru. “Get away from her!”

“The sunshine’s still. I’ve tamed her.” Dru announced.

“Good girl,” Angelus said absently, his fangs out and sunk into Spike’s neck. A haze was settling over my mind, and everything that was going on suddenly seemed to be happening in the distance, like I was watching a movie. “You can have some fun.”

Instead, Dru moved to pet Spike from his place on the ground. “My Spoike. So lonely without his dark princess,” she crooned. “Daddy’s made me all better now. We’re a family again.” She growled low, her lips at Spike’s throat. I wanted to push her away from my Spike, but I couldn’t lift my legs to move.

Angelus circled me. “Really, Spike, what were you thinking? Everything you have is mine.” He ran his hands over my breasts, and Spike tore at him. Angelus lowered his head to my neck. “Ah ah ah,” he cautioned, and Spike froze.

“Let her go,” he hissed.

“Willy, my boy, you had such potential.” Angelus shook his head sadly. “I’m going to give you the benefit of the doubt and blame that chip in your head for your recent behavior.” He laid a hand on my shoulder. “I get that, the whole handicap thing. Been there, done that. So I’m going to give you the chance of a lifetime.” He smiled magnanimously. “We’ll get that little contraption out of your brain for you.”

Spike’s jaw dropped. “What are you playing at?”

Angelus shrugged. “Shouldn’t be too hard. Bully the right doctors, and it’s gone. I hate to leave something like this Initiative standing, anyway.” He smirked. “Waddaya say?”

“Let Buffy go and we’ll talk,” Spike hedged.

Angelus shook his head. “The girl goes when you leave with us. Otherwise…” His hand wound around my waist possessively. “It’s your decision.”

“Why do you suddenly want me?” Spike demanded. “You never did before.”

Angelus wrinkled his nose. “Hey, I’m not dealing with a loony vampire with no toys,” he informed the other vampire. “What Dru wants, Dru gets.”

Dru clapped her hands and squealed. “I will have my Spoike back now!”

Spike turned to meet my eyes pleadingly, begging me to understand. I couldn’t do much of anything to respond. _God, Spike, please don’t… _

“Alright.” He said finally. “You’ve got a deal.” Dru jumped into his arms, and he held her, just like he’d held me earlier.

“Good.” And Angelus sank his teeth into my throat. Dru’s thrall faded when the fangs penetrated my neck, and I struggled. Angelus wasn’t trying to be sensual and slow, like when Spike had bitten me before the chip. He tore into me with ferocity, pulling blood from my body to his mouth with abandon.

Spike threw Dru aside and ran at Angelus, but he’d already released me. “Just so you remember who’s in charge,” he said smugly, shoving me away.

“Spike,” I whimpered, reaching for him.

“Let’s go,” Angelus said, turning away. Dru followed eagerly.

Spike looked at me with such desperation, I wanted to cry. “I’m sorry,” he whispered.

And then he was gone.

I returned to the dorm with leaden feet, greeting Dawn dully when I found her in my room. She left shortly after, looking just as shaken as I was. She thankfully didn’t ask about the tattered skirt on my bed.

I showered feverishly, scrubbing at my skin until I bled. I could still feel skilled, rough fingers on my body, and it took nearly an hour before I finally returned to the room.

Willow returned to the dorm much later in the night, telling me the latest gossip on campus about Professor Walsh’s mysterious death. I remembered Angelus’s words about the Initiative and knew what had probably happened. But I couldn’t bring myself to care very much.

My mind was full of things like Angelus’s hands, Drusilla’s eyes, and Spike’s back, walking away from me. And my heart was breaking.


	15. Chapter 15

Hurt and betrayal. Oddly, of everything that had happened since that night in the alley, this was the most familiar sensation of all. A man leaving me. Yep, this was how it went. Same old, same old.

So I pushed all thoughts of what Angelus and Spike had done to me the night before out of my mind and headed to Revello Drive to be a good big sister.

Dawn was sitting on her bed, arms wrapped around her legs and head resting on her knees.

I came to sit next to her. “Hey, Dawnie.”

She looked up, her eyes very red. “I told Mom I was sick. She said that I could stay home.”

“You look sick.” I put a hand to her forehead. It was very warm. 

She brushed it away. “I’m not. Just worn out.”

We sat in silence. Dawn rested her head against my shoulder. I wrapped my arm around her, and we curled up together.

“When did it get so wrong?” Dawn asked me shakily. 

I shook my head. “It’s the Summers curse. Everything that can go wrong, does. And then they leave.”

“I…” Dawn drew in a deep breath, and it came out as a sob. “I gave him everything. And then he just…”

_She woke up to Angelus._ To have that monster there, in my bed…I had been horrified enough with him just standing near me.

“He said I was bad,” she whispered. “I must’ve been, to make him lose his soul.”

“Or really, really good.” I stroked her hair. “Dawn, it was your first time, and it was with someone you loved. That means everything. A soul-shattering experience. Literally. What Angelus said, he said to hurt you.” I met her eyes. “Before that…it must have been everything to you.”

“It was. And I felt…it felt good,” Dawn whispered. “To be so close to him, loving him…and then I woke up and he was gone, and…” A dry sob escaped her.

I rubbed her back. “Did I ever tell you about my first time?”

She frowned. “With that gay guy?”

I poked her. “Scott wasn’t gay! At least, I don’t think so.” I shook my head. “Anyway, I didn’t really know him that well. We’d been dating for about a month, and I was already a senior… I was so afraid that I’d be the only virgin in college.” I laughed wryly. “So I slept with him. It was awkward, and kind of weird, and not at all satisfying. And afterwards, he sent me home, since his parents were due to be back within the hour.” I pulled at Dawn’s hair gently, separating it to braid it like I had when we were younger and still close. “He broke up with me two days later. Said that I wasn’t as full of life as I had always seemed, or some crap like that. I guess what I’m trying to say is, I’m glad that you had the opportunity to have your first time with someone who meant so much to you. No matter what happened next. It wasn’t your fault,” I said firmly. “You couldn’t have known.”

Dawn settled down in front of me, letting me play with her hair. “He didn’t…_do_ anything to you, did he?”

My hands froze in mid-braid. “Why do you ask that?”

“It was something he said, when he… He said that I was…you know, and that he bet that you’d be better.” She shuddered. “The things he said! My Angel would never-“

“Don’t worry.” I said firmly. “Nothing happened.” More than anything, I needed Dawn to believe that, or she’d rip herself apart. “I ran to Spike, and he stayed with me for the rest of the night.”_Until he left._

Dawn twisted to look at me, her expression serious. “You loved him, didn’t you?”

I looked down. “Yeah. Stupid, huh? Vampires will be what vampires will be.”

“No.” Dawn put a hand on my arm, taking the role of the comforter. “I didn’t really see much of him with you, but even I could tell that you meant a lot to him. He really cared about you. And even though he was evil and all, there was something about him…it made me trust him to take care of you. The way he asked about you every time he saw me when he was in Giles’ house…he wasn’t trying to talk to you or convince you that he wasn’t evil. He just wanted to know that you were okay. And that night at the Bronze when Kennedy came, the way he watched you when you were dancing…” She smiled wistfully. “I was actually a little jealous that you’d found someone who looked at you like that. Like you were the only person in the world, and he’d die if he had to look away.”

I gaped at her for a moment. “Spike didn’t love me. He had Dru…”

“Screw Dru.” Dawn glowered. “Turns out my so-called perfect boyfriend had some other secrets he was keeping, too.” I shifted guiltily. I knew this one, but I had been so caught up in other things- _Spike lips, lips of Spike!¬_\- that it had escaped my mind completely. “Spike’s missing girlfriend was shacking up with Angel. Not Angelus, Angel.” She looked down bitterly. “Angelus said that Angel did it out of some twisted sense of responsibility. He laughed, said that he could’ve had her anytime, to get some _relief_.”

“He didn’t,” I said with certainty. “Angel wouldn’t have done that.” Much as he had lusted after me, he’d never made a move, only been annoyingly friendly. “I’m not his biggest fan, but even I know that.”

Dawn burst into tears suddenly and clung to me. “Oh, Buffy, what have I unleashed?”

And I clung right back and cried too, for what we had both lost.

\--

I didn’t really feel like going to a party the next night, but I did anyway, since it was at Lowell House and Dawn had asked me to try to find out what the Initiative situation was post-Walsh.

Willow and Tara were both with me. I eyed them, trying to see the sparks that Spike had claimed were so blatant between them, but all I saw were two good friends talking. Maybe Spike had been wrong.

Lowell House was booming with music and laughter. No one seemed very distressed.

“I can’t believe they’re partying,” Willow muttered. “Their boss died two days ago, and this is their reaction?” 

I looked at her. “Imagine Snyder being killed, back when we were in high school.”

Willow snickered. “I see your point.”

“Y-you didn’t like a teacher in high school?” Tara asked. “I would’ve thought you’d have been their favorite.”

“I was, mostly,” Willow grinned. “But when I started on the whole magic thing, I think it was too much for a lot of them. All new age-y and crazy. They thought I’d gone off the deep end. And Snyder put me on his list of troublemakers in school.”

“Can you imagine? _Willow_ a troublemaker,” I teased. “You rebel, you.”

“Hey, I had strange herbs in my locker half the time,” Willow protested. “Two of the jocks thought I was a dealer. Damien Peterson actually asked me to hook him up one time!”

I raised my eyebrows. “Damien Peterson asked me to hook him up one time, too. I think he was one of those plants they stick in schools to find the pushers. Either that, or a moron.”

“Moron.” We both nodded to each other. “Definitely.”

“Buffy!” Riley politely moved some people aside and bounded over to us. “You came! We thought that it would be a good idea to have a party today to-“ He lowered his voice. “-distract from the tragedy, so…”

“I’m sorry about Professor Walsh,” I said coolly. “But earlier that night, she’d tried to kill my sister, so you’ll excuse me if I’m not mourning.”

Riley looked startled. “You didn’t hear? Last night, an army of vamps broke into the Initiative. Your_ friends_ were some of them,” he said accusingly. “Hostile Seventeen, that Angel creep, and a freaky woman led them.” My heart sank. _Oh, god, Spike…_ “I was lucky,” Riley informed me. “They must not have seen me, and I was able to escape before they got to me. And all the other TA’s were out on duty or in the dorm, so they were spared. But everyone else…it was a bloodbath,” he shuddered. “They freed all the demons, ripped apart the machinery… The government decided that the Initiative cost too much with not enough results, so they’re destroying the whole project and sending us away. I leave for Belize on Tuesday.” He gave me a sincere smile. I felt sick. “I’m really going to miss you, Buffy. I know the whole secret identity thing was too much for you to handle, but I’ll always treasure the time we had together.” He bent to brush his lips against mine.

I stared blankly into space, numb. _Spike was killing last night. The chip is out. I’ve lost him for real._ “I- I need to go,” I said finally.

Riley looked hurt, and his words finally registered. I mustered up a sad smile. “I’ll miss you, too. I hope you do some good in Belize.” I kissed him on the cheek and moved away.

I stared outside into the dark, wondering. Where was Spike now? What was he doing? _Who is he killing? _

Willow came to stand beside me. “You don’t know if he actually hurt anyone,” she said quietly. “The chip could still-“

“It’s gone,” I said dully. “Angelus promised him. That’s why he left.” That was why he hadn’t killed the other vampire for what he’d done to me. _That, and the fact that I was frozen in place and Angelus was about to do it again. _I pushed the thought out of my mind. As much as I wanted him to have left for me, I wasn’t going to indulge in wishful thinking. “Spike’s killing again.”

“He wouldn’t hurt us,” Willow said confidently. “Whatever happens, I’m positive that he wouldn’t attack any of us. And he wouldn’t let Angelus do it, either.”

“Maybe.” I wrapped my arms around myself. “Okay, definitely. I trust Spike. But if he’s killing again…”

“He’s still our Spike,” Willow said wisely. “And I don’t think he’d do anything to hurt you.”  
_  
He already has.  
_  
I left a little while after, my mission for the night complete, and called Dawn. Speaking with her the day before had changed something between us. Finally, she was ready to let me be the older sister again, and I was ready for us to be equals. And, at last, we were friends.

I passed along Riley’s story absent-mindedly, my eyes scanning the shadows. Out in the dark, alone again, the fear of Angelus overwhelmed me again. I upped my speed, heading back for my room.  
_  
Finally.  
_  
I jogged up the stairs through the quiet dorm, slipping into my room quickly and pulling on a pair of pajamas. It was only eleven o’clock, but I was ready to sleep. I crawled into my bed, pulled out the covers, twisted around to slide under them…

…And came face-to-face with a pair of tormented blue eyes, watching me from the shadows.

“Spike?” I whispered disbelievingly.

He gazed at me, his face conflicted. “I tried. I really did. To be with Dru again, like things used to be…”

I pulled the covers up over my body. I didn’t need to hear this.

“But I couldn’t,” he finished quietly. “Because every time I looked at her, I saw you. And you looked so _betrayed_.” I felt a flash of hope. “I couldn’t get your face out of my mind. Why can’t I get you out of my head?” he finished plaintively, beseechingly.

I reached my hands out to him, and he moved forward in an instant, yanking my covers down out of my willing hands and taking my face into his own. He knelt down on the bed, facing me, and I reached out to draw him closer to me. He stopped short.

“Spike?” I said uncertainly.

“Buffy.” The word sprang to his lips like a prayer, and his eyes softened. “Oh, my Buffy…”

Then he leaned forward and kissed me, grasping for me like a drowning man for air, and nothing else mattered but him, and me, and the fire we made together.


	16. Chapter 16

“She’s probably back in the room,” Willow was saying. “I wouldn’t have wanted to be partying, either, if I had- oh boy.”

I jumped away from Spike, my eyes wide. “Willow!” 

Willow was beet red, Tara just as crimson behind her. “Wow. Okay. I’m just…going to grab some clothes, and I’ll stay in Tara’s room tonight. Looks like you two have some…stuff to work out?” She grabbed the first thing she saw and practically ran out of the room.

“You girls have some fun tonight!” Spike called after them, his eyes glinting in amusement. 

I slapped his arm playfully. “Be nice!” Then I realized that we were all alone again, and I was suddenly hit with uncertainty. “So…” 

He smirked, propping himself up on one elbow beside me on the bed. “So?”

I wanted to ask him where he’d been, what he’d done, _who_ he’d done- though I was pretty sure that that last question had been answered- but all I could say was, “Wow.”

“You think so?” he smiled, leaning forward to kiss the tip of my nose.

“What are we doing?” I asked him, sitting up and scooting backwards. “I mean, you leave two days ago, and now you’re back and-“

He frowned. “Are you afraid of me?”

“Did you get that chip out?” I retorted.

“Bloody- You know I’d never hurt you!” He sat up abruptly, hurt evident in his eyes. “You mean far too much to me!”

I glowed inwardly. Outwardly, I frowned. “Spike…”

He slumped, defeated. “Yes. I did. But I wouldn’t-“

“I know you wouldn’t.” I laid a hand on his arm. “What happened, these past two days?”

He sighed. “You don’t want to hear this.”

“Riley’s already told me some,” I informed him, watching his eyes narrow in concern. “But I’d rather hear it from you.”

“Alright.” He leaned against the headboard of my bed, holding out his arm for me to scoot against. “But you’re not going to like it.”

I rested my head against his shoulder. “I know.”

“That first night, after we left, we went to the Initiative to get my chip out. But they were more than prepared to deal with a few vampires, especially one that couldn’t hurt them and another who isn’t quite at her full strength. Angelus was nearly chipped. That was a huge failure.” Spike pulled me closer. “So he spent the night making minions. We must have had thirty vampires by the end of the night.”

I frowned. “I didn’t hear about so many deaths.”

Spike nodded. “Angelus isn’t a normal vampire. He doesn’t just target the closest morsel. Especially since he was planning on making an army. He went to the Sunnydale motels, the ones at the edge of town where visitors stay. Slaughtered them all.”

“Oh, god.” I felt sick.

“Also drunks, people who weren’t likely to have others searching for them. Not immediately, anyway. Angelus didn’t want to make a fuss,” Spike continued casually, oblivious to my horror.

“All those people…” I whispered.

“Yeah,” he agreed, unconcerned. “Then added to the twenty or so minions he already had around, we had our army. We broke into the Initiative again last night. That time, it worked.” He finally noticed my expression and turned to look at me with sudden alarm. “What’s wrong?”

I stared at him in disbelief. “Spike, I’m not a vampire. I have a soul! These people all being murdered…you can’t imagine that I’d be okay with it!”

He frowned. “But you don’t know them. What does it matter to you?” He took in my shaking frame in confusion. “Buffy, pet…”

I pulled away from him. “Have you killed anyone tonight?”

“No.”

“Don’t lie to me!” 

“I haven’t, I swear!” His eyes beseeched me to believe him. “I fed, yes. But I haven’t killed anyone. I knew you wouldn’t like it!”

I scrutinized his face for any sign of dishonesty, and found nothing. “What about during the Initiative raid? With the grudge you had against them, don’t tell me you didn’t take some revenge.”

He bowed his head. “I won’t lie to you. 

“We went to the Initiative for two reasons- to shut it down and get my chip out. First, the minions all stormed the Initiative through the sewers, and Angelus, Dru and I found a doctor, strong-armed him into removing my chip. I killed him,” he admitted, looking unsurprised when I backed away even more. “I killed a few people last night. But then I saw your old boy-toy-“

“Riley! He said you didn’t notice him!” 

He laughed. “Oh, I did. And believe me, the temptation to kill him was stronger than anything else. Knowing that he’d had you…” His eyes darkened and I felt a chill of fear of the man before me. “But I couldn’t. Not then, not after that. I remembered that the Initiative soldiers…some of them were your teachers, your friends…I didn’t want to make you upset.”

“And people I don’t know? Why is that okay?” It was finally occurring to me just how impossible any relationship with him would be. Not while his method of survival was something so abominable.

“I’m a predator, Buffy. I need the kill.” 

I gave him a pleading look. “Spike, I can’t be with a killer. I can’t.”

He caved in an instant. “I know. And for now, I can do what I’ve been doing since I saw Finn. Feeding without killing.” He sighed. “Now, will you please get over here so I can show you why?”

_For now…_ That wasn’t enough. But I knew that it was as good as I was going to get. And here was Spike on a silver platter, and I’d have to be crazy to turn him down.

I crawled back next to him, pressing my lips against his. He deepened the kiss, his hands moving to my waist and under my shirt. “We laid waste to the caves,” he murmured against my lips, lowering his head to work at my neck. “Burned down the facility,” His hands crept downward, sliding my pants down over my hips. “And freed all the demons.”

I moaned in pleasure as his mouth fastened around my pulse point, sucking it rhythmically. “Spike…”

“Then Mr. Bits came.”

Wait, that didn’t make sense. “Huh?”

Spike raised that sinful mouth of his to grin at me. “Called himself Adam, looked like he was made up of lots of parts, some human, some machine, and some demon. A modern-day Frankenstein. The soldiers’ real objective here, I’d assume. They’ve just been collecting upgrades for him from all of Sunnydale.”

“You’re kidding.” I shuddered as a finger slid inside me. “Spike!”

He kissed me slowly, languidly, his tongue running past my lips to explore my mouth as his hands did the same to the rest of my body. I arched against him as my climax hit, collapsing moments later. 

He gave me a feral grin. “We’ve barely begun.”

Then he was on top of me again, and I was pulling at his jeans, and it was hours before we mentioned the Initiative or Adam again.

\--

I curled next to Spike, my head resting on his bare chest as I awakened again. “Is it morning yet?” I wondered, squinting to see through the blankets that obscured any sunlight from getting into the room. “Hey, when did you cover the windows?”

“Before you got back here last night.” Spike curled his tongue in front of his teeth. “I was hoping I’d stay the night.”

I pouted. “What, I’m so easy?”

He sucked my earlobe into his mouth, and I was suddenly panting and thrusting my heat against him. “Oh, yeah.”

“Stop that!” I poked his chest. “I’m only like this for you, and you know it. I even had to fake it for Riley.”

“Did you?” he said, sounding delighted. “Idiot little soldier boy, can’t satisfy a woman…”

I poked him again. “Don’t be mean. Riley at least cared enough to try for it. Most guys that I’ve been with never even noticed that I didn’t.”

“Most guys?” Spike growled. “How many are we talking, exactly?” 

“I don’t need to tell you that,” I informed him. “I didn’t ask you how many girls you’ve been with-“

“Two,” Spike cut me off. “Dru and you. That’s all. And Darla, a few times, but never just with her, so I don’t know if that counts…”

I leaned against him, feeling suddenly faint. “You were with one girl for a hundred and twenty years? And you didn’t get bored?” There was no way I could compete with that. Or the very squicky idea of Dru, Darla _and_ Spike, all together…or was it Spike, Darla, and Angelus? “Oh, god.”

“Hey.” Spike pressed a kiss to my lips. “Don’t worry about her. It’s you I want. When I’m with you, I forget that she even exists. It’s you, Buffy. It’ll always be you.”

“Really?” I let my head rest against his shoulder. 

“Really,” he confirmed.

“Three before you,” I admitted. “One boyfriend who dumped me right after, one one-night stand, and Riley.” I stuck out my tongue at him. “Still more than you.”

He caught my tongue with his teeth and pulled it into his mouth. “Mm-hm.” He smirked. “Of course, that means that two of them never tried to get you off, and Riley failed miserably…so tonight was your first orgasm!” he concluded with glee.

I scowled. “Oh, stop preening!” But his ear-splitting boyish grin was so adorable, I reluctantly broke out in a smile, too.

“I missed you so very much these past few days,” he murmured, stroking my hair gently. “Don’t know how I ever managed without you.”

“Whatever happened with that Adam guy?” I asked, suddenly remembering our earlier conversation. 

“Oh, right.” He shook his head. “He came later that night, when we were celebrating. Well, Peaches and Dru were celebrating,” he corrected with a grimace. “If you catch my drift.” I did, and I shuddered in shared sympathy and just a teeny bit of jealousy at Spike’s distaste for the two other vampires’ “celebration.” “They’ve been staying in a mansion on Crawford Street. Only the best for Angelus.” He snorted. “Anyway, Adam came there. Offered Angelus a job.”

“A job!” Now I was getting worried. If this new guy and Angelus were working together…

But Spike waved his hand. “You underestimate the Grand Poof’s ego. He’d never work for anyone else. And Dru kept babbling about one of her visions, that his power was in his heart or some such rot, so Angelus got close enough to him to yank out his ‘heart.’” Spike shrugged. “It was a uranium power core. And without his battery, Robot Demon was scrap.”

“Wow. That’s anticlimactic.” The Initiative gone. Their evil plan or whatever, gone as quickly as it had presented itself. “Dawn’s going to be either really relieved or really pissed that she missed it. But I guess she’s got enough on her plate right now.”

Spike kissed the top of my head. “Well, whatever she chooses to do now, you can tell her that I’m willing to fight with her to help take down Angelus.”

It had to be asked. “And Dru?”

Spike sighed. “I want her out of town.” At my betrayed look, he elaborated, “Not because I love her. I still do have certain feelings for her. She’s my Sire, the face of my salvation, and my constant companion for over a century.” He bent his head to kiss me, but I turned away. “But if she hurts you…she’ll pay. You come first now, Buffy.” He tilted my chin to bring me to face him again. “Earlier tonight, Angelus left on some make-the-Slayer-crazy scheme or another. He told me to keep Dru entertained…but I couldn’t. Like I told you before, all I could see was you. I’m drowning in you, love. Drowning in you.”

I opened my mouth to respond, but exhaustion overtook me. I was fast asleep in Spike’s arms moments later, his last words ringing in my ears.


	17. Chapter 17

We had quickly settled into a routine. Spike stayed with me most nights, since Willow volunteered to spend her nights elsewhere and give us some time together. She could have gone home and her parents would never have noticed, which is what I preferred to believe. Spike’s theory was still something to consider, but I had other things to worry about.

Like Angelus.

He hadn’t taken well to Spike’s departure, considering it a personal affront. So he had spent most nights dogging mine and Spike’s steps, making things as uncomfortable for us as possible. Tonight, he’d stood outside my window while Spike and I were together and murmured things about me and what he’d done to me. I missed most of it, but Spike’s vampire hearing picked it all up, and he’d attacked Angelus with fury. Angelus had darted away, mocking him laughingly.

“We’re leaving,” Spike had said through a clenched jaw. I had agreed immediately.

Which was how Spike had ended up sitting on the living room couch at home, my mother seated opposite him with a disapproving look on her face. “And you’re dating Buffy,” she said slowly. She did not look happy about it. “How old are you?”

Spike’s eyes darted to me. I shrugged. “M’ twenty-two, Mrs. Summers,” he said humbly.

“Buffy, you’re only nineteen.” Mom shook her head. “And now you’re in so much trouble that you have to leave college for the night?”

“It’s not Spike’s fault!” I protested. “There was just a creep outside the dorm, and I didn’t feel comfortable there. I thought you were going on a gallery trip tonight. I wouldn’t have come home and worried you otherwise.” 

Mom’s eyebrows rose. “So you were going to bring your boyfriend, whom I’ve never met, over for the night?” Her voice grew louder. “When you’re in college, I understand that you’re going to…experiment.” She cast a disdainful glance at Spike. I was surprised at that. My mother wasn’t usually this rude to my boyfriends, even the ones she hadn’t liked. “But in my house, I expect you to follow my rules, and-“

“It was Angel.” Dawn’s small voice cut Mom off mid-sentence.

“Dawnie?”

She was pale, her face tear-stained, and her arms wrapped around herself protectively. “Buffy came here to get away from Angel, Mom. Spike’s been helping us out, fending him off when he harasses us.”

I gaped. When had Dawn told Mom about Angelus? Spike caught my eye, quirking an eyebrow at my sister with a measure of respect.

Mom’s face had crumbled at Dawn’s announcement. “This boy’s been bothering you, too?”

Dawn answered for me. “He’s been harassing all of us.”

Mom reached for the phone. “That’s it. I’m calling the police.”

“No!” Dawn and I said together. “It won’t help,” she said miserably. “I’m sorry, Mom.”

“What does that mean, it won’t help?” Mom demanded. “That’s what the police is for! This boy has been stalking young girls, even driving them from their homes, now. I want a restraining order!”

Tears were spilling down Dawn’s face. “Please, Mom,” she whispered. “Please don’t.”

Mom frowned. “I can’t just sit by and let this go on. Not when my little girls are threatened.”

“Mrs. Summers,” Spike spoke up. “I can assure you that we’re taking care of the situation. The police would only make the situation worse.”

Mom sighed. “Now, Spike…”

“Call me William,” Spike said earnestly, flashing me a grin. I flushed, remembering screaming out that name several times last night.

“William,” Mom amended. “Are you from around here?”

“I just moved earlier this year,” Spike told her.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Dawn return to her room. “I’ll be right back,” I told Mom and Spike. “You two…get acquainted, okay?”

Dawn was waiting for me on her bed. “Angelus came over today when I was out. He told Mom some things she really didn’t have to know. Looks like Spike’s getting the brunt of her anger.”

I grinned. “Plus, punk boyfriend? Not what she’d expect from me.”

Dawn shook her head. “Really, Buffy, bringing Spike over? Giving him an invite to the Slayer’s house? I know he won’t hurt you, but me? It’s kind of his job description.”

I sighed. “Dawn, he’s fighting on our side now.”

“For now,” Dawn reminded me. “What happens when he changes his mind, or you break up?”

“We’re not breaking up,” I said curtly, discontent worming in and making me testy. “I thought you said that you thought he cared about me.”

“Yeah, now,” Dawn pointed out. “But what about in a few months, when he gets sick of feeding on pigs’ blood? What about when you realize just how awful his past is, or when you get way old? Not that there’ll be much danger of me still being around then,” she said morosely.

I sighed. “Dawn…”

“We’re fighting with him now because we need him.” Dawn pulled the covers out and slid underneath them. “But we can’t trust him, ever. He doesn’t have a soul.”

“Yes, because all soulless vampires are the same,” I said sarcastically. Dawn’s face fell, and I felt a twinge of pity. “Look, Dawn, I don’t know what a soul really is. And I don’t particularly care. I judge Spike on his actions, not something that may or may not really exist.”

“He doesn’t have a moral compass,” Dawn said tiredly. “All his actions are based on selfish desires.”

“Most humans’ actions are based on selfish desires,“ I argued. “Spike’s just more honest about it.”

Dawn sighed. “I’m too tired for this.”

“Go to sleep,” I assured her. “We’ll talk about this some other time.”

Her eyes were already closed when I slipped out of the room and headed downstairs.

Mom and Spike were laughing together. “Oh, Buffy, William was just telling me about some of his adventures in Italy,” Mom smiled, looking much calmer than she had before. “He’s really had a fascinating life!”

I sat down next to him, and he wrapped an arm around my waist. “He definitely has,” I agreed.

“I’d love to hear more, but I really have to get to bed.” Mom stood up. “I’m leaving on a buyer trip early tomorrow morning.”  
_  
Ohh. Oops.  
_  
“William can sleep on the couch tonight.” Mom gave us a stern look. “And that’s where I want to find him in the morning!”

We both nodded quickly, and she was gone in moments.

“She didn’t say where you had to be,” Spike teased, running his fingers over the bare skin below my top and above my pants. Goosebumps erupted where he touched.

I gave him a mock scowl. “Uh-uh. My mother is _not_ catching me in a compromising situation! She’s had enough trouble tonight with Dawn.” I snuggled up against him, enjoying the closeness. “Spike?”

“Mm-hm?” He was still stroking my back absentmindedly.

“Are you going to use your invite into the house to kill Dawn?”

He laughed. “No.”

“Oh. Okay, then.” I drifted off.

When I woke up, I was in my bed and Spike was gone. I was also dressed in the ridiculous black negligee I had bought during my rebellious stage in tenth grade and hidden in the back of my underwear drawer.

The note Spike left read, _Keep it on._

\--

Dawn had asked me to bring Willow and Tara over that day after school, so we’d all assembled in the library. I’d gone to Spike’s crypt to tell him, so he’d shown up, too.

To my surprise, Miss Calendar was there, also. From what I’d heard, she’d been shut out from the group after Dawn had found out that she had known about Angel’s soul. She looked nervous._Good_, I thought nastily. She deserved whatever we dished out.

“Okay. Everyone’s here.” Dawn blew into the room, grinning. The expression faded when she saw Miss Calendar. “Why is she here?”

“Because she can fix this,” Janice said, stepping in front of Miss Calendar protectively. “ That’s why I called this meeting. Tell them, Jenny.”

Miss Calendar nodded. “Janice and I have been working on translating a spell.”

“A spell?” Willow leaned forward eagerly.

“To restore Angel’s soul.”

There was a moment of silence. Then, an uproar.

“That’s really advanced! How can we-“

“Are you certain that that will work?”

“W-W-Willow and I c-can help.”

“Yes, but will it stick this time?”

“Just keep that thing far away from me, love.”

“Let’s just kill the creep!” That was Kennedy. We all gave her nasty looks, on principle. She huffed angrily.

Dawn was the only one to remain silent until we all turned to her.

“What do you think, Dawn?” Giles asked tentatively.

She nodded, unable to speak.

“Anyway, we’re almost done. By morning, the spell should be ready. We can even do it tonight, too, if you want.”

“Thank you,” Dawn said quietly.

“Willow? Would you and your friend like to help us?” Miss Calendar smiled fondly at her, and I suddenly understood another one of Willow’s high school idiosyncrasies. Of course. She hadn’t hung out with the computer teacher last year because they’d both liked _computers_.

“Sure!” Willow beamed. Tara nodded, too, smiling.

“We’re going to patrol,” Dawn offered, gesturing vaguely toward Kennedy and herself. “Keep an eye out for Angelus.”

“I’ll come with you,” Spike said quickly. I turned to him in surprise. He shrugged. “Last day the Poof’s out there, best make sure that nothing too bad happens.”

“Absolutely not,” Giles said stiffly.

I opened my mouth to argue, but Dawn beat me to it. “Come on, Giles. Spike was in my house last night when we were all asleep. If he didn’t kill me then, he’s not gonna kill me when I’m in Slay mode.” She flashed me a smile.

“I’m not leaving you alone with that monster,” Giles retorted.

Dawn shrugged. “So come along.”

I put up a hand. “What should I do?”

“Get some rest,” Spike leered. “We’ll be…celebrating later.”

“Oh, gross.” Dawn made a face. “Could you not do that around me? I’m traumatized enough as it is.”

“And as if I’m going to stay at home like a good little girl while you guys are saving the world!” I added.

“That’s my girl,” Spike said with pride.

“Stick with us,” Janice offered. “We might need supplies later, anyway. We could use an errand girl.” I scowled at her. She raised an eyebrow at me, unconcerned.

I gave Spike a kiss before he left. “Don’t kill Kennedy,” I murmured.

He cupped my face in his hands. “I’ll do my best.”

\--

The four witches fluttering around the computer room had the spell finished in just a few hours.

“We’ll need an Orb of Thessulah,” Miss Calendar noted. “I don’t have one in my stock.”

“The Magic Box does,” Willow remembered. “They’re pretty cheap, too.” She checked her watch. “But it’s closed by now.”

Janice shrugged. “I’m on it.”

Miss Calendar opened her mouth to argue, but Janice cut her off. “Come on, Jenny. What’s a little B and E between friends?”

“Friends,” Miss Calendar repeated, amused. “Last time you went there, you summoned a Torkanek demon while you were still in the store and were banned for life.”

“His life, not mine,” Janice said flippantly. “And he was killed by vampires last week. There’s a new owner. Maybe we’ll be friends.”

“M-Mr. Cowler was killed?” Tara asked, sounding distraught. We stared at her. “I-I go there a lot.”

Miss Calendar sighed. “Alright. You go ahead, get the Orb.” She addressed the rest of us. “I’ll be fine here alone. Go with her, get some air- you all deserve it. Oh, and make sure she doesn’t actually break and enter.”

“She’s just saying that so she won’t feel guilty,” Janice informed us later as we wandered down the street. “She can’t actually allow me to do what I do, but so long as there are no questions, she doesn’t need to know the answer, right?”

Willow looked dubious and a little thrilled at Janice’s logic. Tara seemed nervous. I was used to Janice by now, and settled for amusement.

“We’re here.” Janice eyed the building. She lifted a large rock from the ground.

“Wait!” Willow said hastily. “Tara and I have been working on a teleportation spell. We can just send you inside.”

Janice gave her a scornful look. “That’s no fun.” She heaved the rock at the window, shattering it with one shot. Halfway through the window, she turned back to us impatiently. “You coming?”

“There are wards on the building!” Willow protested. “The owner will know that we were here by now, and-“

“Got it!” Janice held up the Orb. “Let’s go!”

We hurried away, moments before the whine of a police car started in the distance.

“Wonder why she bothered with the police,” Janice said, tossing the Orb in the air and catching it. Willow watched with horrified fascination. “No one who breaks into a magic shop is gonna be stopped by the cops.” The Orb slipped out of her hand and Willow dove for it. It hovered in mid-air, a few inches from the ground. Janice grinned. “Relax, Will. I’ve got it.”

“Shouldn’t play with Mummy’s toys. She gets so very cross,” a familiar voice drawled out.

“Drusilla!” Janice assumed a fighting stance, all playfulness gone. Willow and Tara joined hands for a spell.

“Don’t make eye contact!” I warned my friends.

“Oh, don’t worry about that, babe.” Angelus smirked from behind us. I spun around, then turned back toward Dru, wondering which was the bigger threat. “We’ve already gotten in some nice kills tonight, and we’re only planning one more. We just wanted to drop you a line, see how you were doing, a little schmooze…”

“Oh, cut it out, Dead Boy,” Janice scoffed, moving swiftly forward to circle him. “The whole friendly villain thing only works when the villain’s a hottie. Otherwise it’s just grotesque.”

“Little Janice, what I could do with you,” Angelus crooned, snaking a hand out and pinning her to him. “So tough, all the time…wonder how you’ll be once I break you?”

To her credit, Janice didn’t even flinch. Her fist went out, her knee went up, she whirled faster than any human I’d ever seen, and she was free. “I’ve practiced fighting with you, you bastard. I remember your weaknesses,” she smirked.

But Angelus was smiling, too. “Or maybe I’ll break something else?” he suggested, raising his hand to show us the Orb now in his grasp. He hurled it against the closest building, smashing it into pieces.

“Nasty little spark machine, all gone!” Dru said breathlessly. “Do it again! Do it again!”

“Like that’s gonna stop me!” Janice turned and hurtled back in the direction of the shop.

“All the shiny toys are smashed, bashed, thrashed,” Dru sang out, spinning in a circle.

Willow and Tara started to chant a spell, their faces pale.

Angelus observed them. “Well. Isn’t that just…steamy,” he murmured. Willow faltered.

“Shut up!” I hissed. Willow didn’t need this now.

“Is it this charged up in bed?” Angelus asked, licking his lips. “I’ll bet the redhead’s on top. That’s hot.” He moved closer to us. “Does she scream your name when she comes?” he whispered into Willow’s ear. He circled around to Tara. “How does she look above you? Her head thrown back, rivulets of sweat running down her neck, panting and moaning as she moves you to completion…” Willow and Tara were frozen in place, shaking with anger and humiliation and tears. Angelus moved to stand between them. “You stink of each other’s sweat, and sex, and breath. Tell me, little redhead, have you ever been with a girl before?” I gathered my strength and kicked at him with all I had. He grabbed my leg and twisted it. There was a loud, unhealthy-sounding crunch, and I fell to the ground.

He turned his attention to Tara. “Quiet, quiet witch. Do you ever wonder if you’re just her experiment? If you just got lucky, and when she finds someone new, she’ll drop you like a hot potato? Why else would she be with someone as pathetic as you?”

Willow regained her power of movement and slapped him.

He laughed. “You two lovebirds have a good night. I’m leaving you a present.” He winked. “But you’ve got to find it first.” He wandered down the street, Dru at his side.

Janice came back moments later, breathless. “He’s gone? Sorry I took so long. I forgot about the police. Anyway, it was a bust. Angelus must have come in right after us and smashed all the…” Her eyes took in Willow and Tara, who were both crying and clinging to each other, and me, struggling ineffectually to stand despite the pain in my probably broken leg. “What’s wrong?”

Willow ignored her, bending to check on me. “I’m so sorry, Buffy. I didn’t want you to find out like that!” she sobbed.

“It’s okay, Willow,” I said through teeth clenched together to stave off the pain. “I knew. I mean, I wasn’t positive, but Spike thought so, and I was pretty sure…I just didn’t want to think about it.” I grabbed her hand, using it as a crutch. “Nothing’s changed! You’re still my best friend, just now you check out girls AAAAHH!” The throbbing was intense.

“I’m going to call 911,” Tara said worriedly, shaking off her tears. 

“Where’d Angelus go?” Janice asked impatiently.

“Does it matter?” Willow demanded, annoyed. “Buffy’s hurt! I think that’s more important!”

“No, it isn’t!” Janice retorted. “Angelus knew what we were doing! Just destroying the Orb wouldn’t be enough. He’d want to get rid of the spell completely, and…” Her voice trailed off, and for the first time since I’d met ass-kicking, havoc-wreaking Janice, she looked afraid. “Jenny!” She tore off into the night.

“Should we go after her?” Willow asked shakily.

“We need to stay with Buffy,” Tara said firmly, her stutter gone.

“I don’t think I could go, anyway,” Willow noted wryly. I was squeezing her hand so tightly, it was white from lack of circulation. “Janice’ll get to Jenny in time. Everything will be fine.”

Willow hadn’t had much experience with Angelus. So she actually believed that.

I knew better.


	18. Chapter 18

The next hour was a blur of motion. I was carted off to the emergency room via ambulance, Willow and Tara by my side the whole time. Finally, after Willow’s fifth worried phone call to my house to reach Dawn, I sent them away to find the others. And once the painkillers kicked in, I was just as anxious.

I was fitted with a cast and set up in a hospital room for the night. The break was a severe one. I had claimed that a table had fallen on my leg and crushed it, but the hand-shaped bruise on my leg ensured that I fooled no one. Luckily, Sunnydale doctors knew better than to ask too many questions. But I wasn’t going to be walking anytime soon.

“And now I’m even more useless than usual,” I grumped, trying ineffectually to move the leg again. “I’m just a sitting duck, waiting for…”

The door slammed open, and Spike tore in, looking desperately furious. _Or maybe furiously desperate. A little of both?_ I wondered, a little dazed. “Buffy!” He scooped me up, mindful of my raised leg, and raced out of the room. 

“The doctors said I need to stay here overnight,” I protested, struggling to be set down.

“I’m not leaving you where Angelus can get to you!” Spike growled, tightening his hold on me. “Not again!”

I turned my attention back from the gaping orderlies around us to the vampire carrying me. “I’ll be fine. Is Miss Calendar…?”

Spike shook his head. “Last I heard, they were still searching for her. Her computer and all her notes were ashes in the library when your sis’s friend got back. I don’t know anything beyond that. I heard that you were hurt, and I took off.” 

I rested my head against his neck. “Thanks.”

“This was my fault,” he mumbled. “I wanted to hurt Angelus so badly after last night…I shouldn’t have left you with the witches. I should have stayed with you.”

I pinched him in the arm, and he nearly dropped me in surprise. “What?”

“For the millionth time, I’m not a damsel in distress! My injuries are mine and Angelus’s responsibilities, not yours!” I shook my head. “Don’t you dare blame yourself for it. I don’t need to be babied!”

He bent his head to rest his lips against mine. “Fair enough, love,” he agreed. But his eyes were still dark with anger.

“Buffy!” Dawn called from Mom’s car, parked outside of the hospital. “Get in!” 

“What are you doing? You don’t have your license yet!” _I_ didn’t even have my license yet. Of course, that was totally my choice. It had nothing to do with failing drivers’ ed, or crashing Mom’s car during practice drives, or getting my first ticket a week after getting my first permit (how was I supposed to know that the traffic light had a camera?)…

“Like that matters now!” Dawn unlocked the doors so Spike could clamber in with me. He refused to put me down even then, clutching me close like I was going to fade away if he let me go. “Miss Calendar’s still missing. Giles and Janice went to her house, and it was empty. They don’t know where else she could be, but I don’t think they’re planning on going home until they’re sure that she’s okay. Angelus was definitely at the library. The spell is gone.” She sped up.

“I told you we should have just worked on killing him,” Kennedy sighed from the passenger seat. “Now your sister’s an invalid and your teacher’s dead-“

The car swerved. “Kennedy, shut up or you’re leaving this car,” Dawn hissed. 

Spike frowned. “So where’s the Watcher now?”

Dawn shrugged. “I guess they’re still trying to trace Miss Calendar’s steps. We split up a while back. Willow was trying to salvage the hard drive, I wanted to come get you, Kennedy was whining…”

“Just seems to me there’s only one more place where the gypsy could be. And those two were close enough to her to get reckless…”

“Crap!” Dawn turned the car around sharply, and I was jerked against the window. Spike, still holding onto me with a vice-like grip, followed. 

“What the hell, Dawn?” Kennedy demanded. 

“The factory,” I answered for my sister. “Giles and Janice are going to do something stupid.”

“They couldn’t have waited for a Slayer?” Kennedy asked disbelievingly. “My Watcher would never-“ Spike set me down and conked Kennedy on the side of her head, knocking her unconscious.

“Thanks,” Dawn said with much gratitude.

We made it to the other side of town in record time. Dawn was out of the car in an instant. She turned back to Spike. “Aren’t you coming?”

Spike scowled. “M’not leaving Buffy!” 

“Go!” I ordered him.

In response, he reached over to Kennedy and shook her until she was wide awake and spouting curses at him. “You’ve got a second. Now git!”

“Do you smell smoke?” I asked suddenly.

He nodded. “Smells like Watcher’s revenge.” He grinned. “Don’t make ‘em like they used to. Back in the day, Watchers were all stodgy little wankers who’d no sooner go out into the field and fight with their Slayers than burn up all their demon books.”

“Dawn’s in there!” I said frantically. “We have to-“

“No.” Spike peered out the window at the now smoky factory. “Fire’s just started. And if I know Angelus, there’s no way he’d let any of them escape. If the Slayer’s going to save them, she’ll want to be in there right now.”

Sure enough, Dawn and Kennedy reappeared moments later. Dawn was carrying Giles and Janice was resting limply in Kennedy’s arms. 

“Janice!” But Kennedy had set her down and was pumping her chest, breathing into her mouth rhythmically. And for the first time, I was actually glad that Kennedy was around.

I pulled open the car door and struggled to move with my cast. “You know, they were going to get me crutches to walk with,” I panted to Spike. “All I had to do was stay put.”

Spike lifted me easily. “You don’t need crutches, pet. You’ve got me.” He brought me over to Kennedy.

“Anything I can do?” I may not have had the use of one leg, but I didn’t need that for CPR.

She gestured at Janice. “Go ahead. I’m going to go after that bastard.”

“No need.” The voice sent chills up my spine. “I’m right here.”

Dawn leaped up from where she and Giles had been sobbing together. “You!”

He dodged her first attack but miscalculated, moving right into Kennedy’s territory. The two girls threw punches, kicks, and stakes right and left, hitting Angels just often as he hit them.

“Aw, you guys! If you keep this up, I’m going to start to think that you don’t love me anymore, Dawnie.” He grinned shamelessly. “Come on, she was just a teacher…” Dawn swung at his nose, but hit his cheek instead as he turned toward Kennedy. 

I bent back down, focusing on Janice again. Within moments, I had her sputtering for air. 

“Buffy!” she gasped. “What’s…?”

Spike, satisfied that I’d be fine, jumped up to join the fray.

Angelus shook his head. “Well, these odds are no good.” He smirked. “Tell you what, lover. I’ve gotta go now, but I promise I’ll make it up to you. Next time, I’ll pick someone fun. Like another one of you charming Summers women!” He turned and ran.

Dawn was very pale as we all piled into the car. 

“It’s fine,” I said encouragingly, mostly to break the tense silence in the car. Giles and Janice were both quiet, and not even Kennedy was stupid enough to try and start up a conversation with them. She just sat in the back seat, glowering at Spike, who leered back unashamedly. I elbowed him. “I’ve got this idiot watching me, and Mom’s out of town.”

“She’s on her way back,” Dawn said dully. “I heard her message on the machine when I went to get the car. The hospital called her, so she’s taking the next flight in.”

“Damn.” There was another long silence. 

Kennedy finally got up the nerve to speak. “Look, don’t you think we should make sure that the gypsy’s fully gone? Did you actually see the body when you charged in-?”

“He snapped her neck,” Giles said dully. Janice moved from her spot beside Kennedy to yank open the car door and heaved, the vomit streaking a path down the road as the car kept going.

“Wh-where was she?” I asked timidly, not sure I wanted to hear the answer.

Giles turned away from us. “My bed.”

_Oh, god._ Finally, the tears came, spilling down my cheeks in buckets. They opened the floodgates, and soon Janice, Giles, and Dawn were all crying again.

We dropped off Giles at his house, and Janice decided that she was going to join him in lieu of Kennedy. “He shouldn’t be alone right now,” she’d decided through her tears. Kennedy, in an uncharacteristically nice gesture, had decided that she’d be staying at our house.

“We’ll go back to the dorm,” I offered. “Kennedy can take my room.”

Dawn nodded. “Okay.” 

“Janice really took this whole thing hard,” I played with the edges of my cast. “Were they close?”

Dawn stopped for a light. “Yeah. She and Miss Calendar really bonded from the start. I know that they used to hang out outside of school, and Janice would sometime stay over at her apartment…It’s kind of like Janice lost her older sister tonight.” She choked on the words. “Buffy… I know I don’t really say it much, but I love you. And if…”

I reached out to squeeze her arm. “I love you, too. And we’re going to make it through this thing.”

When we finally reached the campus, Dawn stopped the car and got out. “I’m counting on you,” she told Spike. “To protect her.”

Any other time, I might have protested them treating me like a victim again. But this was just as much about their own reassurance as mine.

Spike brushed a stray hair out of my face with a gentle finger. “Till the end of the world,” he murmured.

“Can we go?” Kennedy demanded, her internal grace period post-Miss Calendar over. “It’s getting late.”

Dawn sighed. “I’m gonna call Xander, see if he can give me a ride to the airport.”

“Xander?” I asked, surprised. “Since when are you two so close?”

Dawn shrugged. “He’s totally crushing on Janice these days. So he hangs out at the Bronze a lot. He’ll help me out.” She smiled for the first time that night. “I know how the whole Xander-crush thing works. Do you know how often I got him to do stuff for me when we were in high school? All I’d have to do was bring up his hotness at the dinner table or mention his washboard abs to you once in a while.”

I shook my head at her. “Dawnie, Dawnie, Dawnie…” 

She gave me a quick hug. “Be careful, Buffy.”

“Like I’d let her be anything else,” Spike scoffed. 

I kicked him with my free foot.

\--

It was nearly two AM when we made it into the room. Willow and Tara were curled up next to each other in Willow’s bed, fully clothed and fast asleep. 

“What, they decided that since I would be at the hospital, they could use the room?” I asked sulkily. 

“We do practically every night,” Spike pointed out. “And they were probably waiting up for you. When the witches came to find us, I told them I’d be getting you.”

Sure enough, Willow was rubbing her eyes and yawning. “Buffy? You’re back! How are you?”

“I’m fine. Just a broken leg.” Spike set me down on my bed.

“Miss Calendar?” Her eyes shone hopefully. I looked away. “Buffy?” Her voice grew shrill with urgency. “Miss Calendar?”

Spike shook his head. “I’m sorry, Red.” 

Then she was crying and Tara was sleepily trying to comfort her, and soon enough, I was in tears again, too.

Spike wrapped me in his arms and kissed me reverently, not letting go even after the tears had subsided.

“W-We’re going to go,” Willow said shakily. “To Tara’s dorm.” Her voice was steadier, and her eyes were challenging me to argue.

I shrugged. “Have a good night, guys.”

Willow looked like she was going to cry again, and I hastily turned back around to face Spike while the witches left.

“Come, let’s get you changed,” Spike said, jumping up. 

“You love this, don’t you?” I said peevishly. “The whole ‘caring for a weak woman’ thing. I’ll bet you did it with Dru all the time, and…what?” Spike had stopped short.

His eyes were glowing with sudden lust. “You left it on.”

“Huh? Oh, that.” I had kept the stupid lingerie on. It felt silly to me now, planning this morning for a night with Spike, never expecting what would come next. “Now’s not really the time for it, though.”

Spike looked up to face me, suddenly serious. “Now’s exactly the time for it,” he corrected me, reaching to pull my shirt over my head. “I’ve never had to worry about it before, so I never bothered, but…life’s far too short to waste time.”

“But the cast, and…”

He put a finger to my lips and I fell silent. “Shh. Let me make love to you, Buffy.”

I stared at him. He had spoken about his feelings for me before and I had made my own obvious. But we had skated around the word ‘love’ until now. This was the closest we’d ever gotten to discussing it. 

But moments later, the time for discussion was gone.

\--

I didn’t get to sleep until past sunrise, and so I chose to forgo my classes for the day, sleeping until nearly sunset when a knock at the door roused me. I hastily covered myself with my blanket and nudged Spike until he woke up, pulled on his pants, and got the door.

“Uh. Hello, Mrs. Summers,” he said sheepishly.

Mom took in his bare chest and my blushing face and shook her head. “How about this?” she suggested. “I’m going to be back in five minutes, at which time we can pretend that this never happened.”

“Thanks, Mom! You’re the best,” I said gratefully. We dressed in a hurry, and Mom was back exactly five minutes later.

She sat beside me on my bed. “Did you hear about Miss Calendar?” she asked sadly. I nodded. “Dawn’s taking it rather hard. She’s been so clingy today… I actually had to sneak out to get over here alone.” She shook her head. “I guess our mortality just hit her.”

“Yeah,” I agreed noncommittally. 

“And you, too, last night.” Mom patted the cast. “Now, I didn’t ask Dawnie because she has enough on her mind. But I spoke to the doctors and they seemed to be under the impression that there was some violence involved with the break.” She turned to face me, her eyes serious. “I want an honest answer. Was that Angel involved in this?”

There was no point in denying it. I nodded miserably.

Mom sighed heavily. “Okay, now this may be a long shot, but was Angel the one who… Miss Calendar…? I know that she was close to Dawn and Janice…”

I looked down. 

Mom stood up. “That’s it. I’m going to the police with this.”

“No!” 

“You keep saying that, and what has it done?” Mom cried out. “Someone is dead because of him. This has gone too far!”

“It won’t do any good. The police can’t stop him,” Spike said quietly.

“William?” Mom rounded on him. “Do you know Angel?”

“Yes,” he said simply. “And I can tell you that if you send the cops after him, the cops will die.”

Mom reeled back. “No. Someone must be able…”

Spike shook his head. “There are only a few people who can. And they’re working on it.”

“But there must be something…”

“Mrs. Summers,” Spike said patiently. “What you need to do right now is go home and make sure your other daughter is alright. She’s probably worried sick about you by now.”

“Yeah, Mom,” I agreed. I glanced outside the window. The sun was already down. “And Sp- William’s going to go with you.”

Mom looked confused. Spike was shaking his head. “Absolutely not.”

“Spike, please do this for me,” I pleaded. “Keep my mother safe.” His eyes darkened when they met my beseeching ones. Finally, after what seemed like hours of nonverbal communication, he slumped in resignation.

“Do you think I’m in danger from Angel, too?” Mom asked worriedly. 

“Just a minute, Mrs. Summers.” Spike knelt down next to the bed and took my hand. “Do not leave this room, no matter what. I’ll be back in a bit.” He kissed me chastely on the lips, cognizant of my mother behind him. “I love you.”

He was out the door before I could shut my gaping mouth.

Spike loved me.

Spike _loved_ me.

I was smiling like an idiot, but I didn’t care.

Spike loved me!

Nothing could ruin this moment. Not my worry about Mom, not the cast on my leg, not the familiar voice I could hear in the hallway and the shrieks from my dormmates…

Wait.

Oh, no.

“Open the door now, there’s a good girl,” Angelus coaxed from right outside my room.

Then my door was opened by my neighbor Kyra’s only free hand. The rest of her trembling body was trapped in Angelus’s deathly embrace.

“Hey, you! I’ve just been hanging around with your friends, when, funny coincidence- I realized that you live around here!” He grinned. “Gosh, but that Spike did stay in there for a while. I’ve been waiting since sunup!”

“Let her go, Angelus,” I ordered him, sounding much stronger than I felt.

He pouted. “But she’s so delicious.” His tongue snaked out and lapped at Kyra’s neck. “Unless you’ve got something better?”

“Help me, please,” Kyra sobbed. “He’s…he’s some kind of monster. His face…and he bit me…and r-r-rap-“

“Oh, get over it,” Angelus drawled. “You weren’t even any good.” He turned to me. “Now, the way I see it, you’ve got two options. You can invite me in, or I can snack on your friend’s neck. Don’t touch that phone!” he warned me, his eyes flickering to my wandering hand. 

This was it, then. There was no way I could run with a broken leg. Spike wasn’t going to get back in time. And no one else was going to die if I could stop it.

I closed my eyes. _I love you, too, Spike. And you, Mom. And Dawnie. Be safe._

“Come in, Angelus.”


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings for this chapter have been added at the end.

The throbbing pain from my leg finally woke me. I yawned. “Spike?”

“He’s not here now, naughty girl. You’ve taken him away,” Drusilla said mournfully. “It makes me so very sad.”

My eyes shot open as I remembered what had happened. My dormmate in danger. Inviting Angelus in. Barely making it to the floor before he’d caught me and knocked me into unconsciousness. And now…

I was hanging against the wall from chains suspended from the ceiling of a big, mostly empty room. My cast was gone. Somehow, I didn’t think that Angelus’s priority had been keeping me comfortable as he brought me here. Judging from the pain at my temple, he hadn’t knocked me out with a light blow at all. And now, Drusilla was standing in front of me, looking very unhappy through her game face.

“You’ve done a bad thing, little sunshine!” she said, wagging her finger at me. “Daddy will come home and put it out. You’ll be punished for taking away Mummy’s favorite toy.” With no warning, she reached out with her long fingernails and sliced into my arm, raking long, bloody marks down my skin. I cried out, and she smiled. “Mummy’s so very hungry…”

Then she was lapping up the blood she’d drawn and scratching them open wider and wider. _Great. I’m going to die of blood loss. How very classic Sunnydale._

I decided to try something. What could it hurt? “But Drusilla,” I said gently, like I was talking to a child. “Spike will want to come home and see the present you’ve left for him. Why don’t you go find him and bring him here?”

“NO! NO!” She spasmed wildly, her face contorting back into human form. “The girl is trying to trick us! You shall not make us help you! No one can help you! The moon and stars are dark…everything’s so dark…” She swayed from side to side drunkenly, her eyes tightly shut. 

When she opened them again, the madness was toned down into a cruel little gleam. “We shall die together.” Then she vamped again and went for my neck.

“Dru, we talked about this,” said an annoyed voice from behind her. “You can play with Buffy, but no killing her yet.”

Dru jerked backwards, making no effort to close the new wound on my neck cleanly. I could feel the blood dripping out of the cut and down my chest. “We were just having a bit of fun. The taste is intoxicating.”

“Well, no more,” Angelus said crossly. “I’m ready for some fun.” He grinned at me. “Hey there, Buffy. Hope you’re enjoying your stay at the Hotel Angelus. I’m afraid we don’t have any spare rooms, but please, make yourself comfortable in the lobby. You won’t be checking out anytime soon.”

I spat at him, landing the saliva on his cheek with an accuracy that almost made me smile. His tongue snaked out and tasted it. “Nice of you to give me a sample,” he smirked. Then he grabbed my head and jerked it forward, shoving his lips against mine.

I kept my jaw clenched shut. No way was I going to let the bastard kiss me! But he slapped me on the side of my face with full vampire strength, and my mouth fell open. I tasted blood. His tongue attacked my own limp one, then moved to my inner cheek where the blood was coming from and attacked there, irritating the wound so that more blood would come through.

He finally pulled away. “Our first kiss. Sorry, I’m just a sucker for the romance.” He moved to my neck, following the trail of blood Drusilla had left down my chest toward my breasts. “And we’re getting so close here.”

I struggled, but the only weapon I had loose was my head, and it wasn’t very effective with Angelus angled so low.

He tore through my shirt with his fangs, and I was suddenly regretting having to dress so quickly and not bothering with a bra when he began nibbling at my chest, sucking and biting and licking…

“Remember when we first met?” he reminisced, reaching for my pants and ripping them straight down the middle. “Of course you don’t. You didn’t see me.”

“Go to hell,” I hissed. 

He only laughed. “See, I was heading to Dawnie’s room like the idiotic lovesick fool my souled self was. But that tree outside your windows? It’s just so much easier to climb up from your side. And just for a minute, I paused and looked in.”

I recoiled. “You’re disgusting!” 

“You were coming from the shower, your hair all wet and shiny…and you were naked.” He unzipped his pants. “My souled self felt so guilty about seeing that, about lusting after you…but Dawn was just a girl. You were a woman. And all he could think about…was doing this.” He drove into me with one sharp thrust.

I screamed, the pain splitting me in half.

He pumped, in and out, again and again and again and again till I couldn’t even think from how much it hurt. “Oh, keep struggling. Mmm, that feels good.”

I was babbling incoherent threats and pleas, tears streaking my face and blood spilling from all around me. The pain was overwhelming, excruciating, blinding…

\--

“Wake up, sweet Buffy. I’m not done with you yet.” Angelus ran a rough finger down my face. “I’ve got some friends who would just _love_ to meet the Slayer’s sister. They’re not very happy with her, you know. She keeps killing them…”

I blocked out as much of it as I could, the vampires who came next. There must have been eight or nine of them, but I was in no shape to keep count. I was in no shape to do what they were doing to me, either, but that wasn’t stopping them. At least a few decided just to sample my blood instead of assaulting me. And Angelus just stood back and laughed, intervening only when he thought they were taking too much.

By the end, I was totally zoned out. I must have been dreaming, because when the last vampire who came, a heavy, bespectacled one, was sucking hungrily on my neck, I thought I heard him murmur, “they’re on their way.” 

But I knew that no one could save me now.

\--

The next time I awakened, Dru was giggling and rocking me back and forth like a baby. It didn’t work so well for me with no free limbs, but it beat what had been going on beforehand.

“We shall die together,” she crooned. 

“Please,” I whispered hoarsely, wanting nothing more.

But she shook her head. “Not yet! If you’re impatient, Mummy will get all the cookies!”

Dimly, I grew aware of some other sounds around me. Screaming, and fighting, and…

“BUFFY!”

“Dawnie?” Was I dreaming again? But no, I could see my sister’s brown hair swishing from side to side as she fought a wave of Angelus’s minions. He’d turned so many for that Initiative raid…and it seemed like all of them were in the room right now, blocking my sister from getting to me. 

As my vision cleared up, I grew more aware of what was going on around me. Angelus was standing beside Dru and me, waiting patiently while my friends slaughtered his people. At the other end of the room, I could see a glowing light shooting toward vampires and turning them to dust. _Willow and Tara_. Kennedy was there, too, surrounded by countless vampires. As I watched, she went down and didn’t resurface. Giles and Janice were backed against one wall and weren’t doing very well, either. And I caught sight of one platinum blond head tossing aside minions like they were rag dolls.

“Spike!”

Dru scowled. “My Spoike will not get his toy back. He’s been a very naughty boy. Mummy is very displeased.” She dove into the crowd, heading for Spike. I could see her plaster herself onto him, struggling to stop him from moving. His eyes darkened. 

And before my eyes, Spike’s sire and the former love of his life was turned to dust by the stake in his hands.

Angelus roared in anger and grief as his Childe’s dust wafted to the ground. Spike was gaping disbelievingly at his treacherous hand. 

“Go!” Dawn shouted to him, and he shook aside his shock and headed back toward me. There were only a few more vampires between him and me. 

_I’m going to get out of here,_ I realized with sudden surprise. _I’m actually going to make it! _

Life, dangled so close to me, made me careless. I focused on Spike, ignoring the minion behind him with the axe until it was nearly too late.

“Behind you!” I shouted finally. It came out as a croak, but it was loud enough for Spike to hear. He missed being beheaded by an instant.

But it was just enough time for more minions to swarm on top of him, fighting to kill him with his own stake.

Angelus, too, raced forward to avenge his Childe. There was a scuffle, a stake whirling downward…

And then dust, exploding from where Spike had been.

“NO!”

“Never knew you cared so much about the minions, love,” a familiar voice murmured from beside me. 

I craned my neck to see him. “Spike!” 

“M’gonna get you out of here.” He cast a calculating glance at the chains, tried to break them with no success. “Huh. Okay, how about this?” He drove his fist into the wall, shattering the area where one arm was chained. 

“Oh, I don’t think so,” Angelus said coldly, approaching. “You’ve taken something from me. And a vampire does get lonely on his own.” Fists flew between the two vampires, fury on both their faces. I moved my head from side to side, dizzy from all the action. 

Then Angelus kicked Spike hard enough that he was thrown backward into the crowd. I saw the look on his face and knew that this was it.

“Say goodnight,” he drawled as his face transformed. His fangs sank into my neck with uncontained ferocity, and blood was suddenly leaving my system at an alarming rate. I hadn’t had much to begin with, not since the rest of the day. So it only took seconds for me to be fully drained.

The last thing I remembered was a wrist pressed to my mouth and blood rushing down my throat.

Then, blackness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings for this chapter: torture, rape, character death...and yes, vamp!Buffy. I know that I might lose some readers with this, but I hope that you'll stick with me through the next chapter or two. I do still promise a happy Spuffy ending!


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Most of you will not like this chapter. At all. And I don't blame you. I don't usually put the warnings at the beginning of the chapter, but for this one, I'm going to, because you should really be warned in advance. Firstly, Vamp!Buffy. Also, a LOT of Buffy/other in this chapter. I tried to be discreet about it, but it's impossible in most places. :( Oh, and character deaths. Bunches and bunches. (But somehow, I don't think that anyone's complaining about some of them. :D) No character deaths of main characters in the fic, though. I will also be updating tomorrow, again, or maybe even later tonight, because I hate to leave my story at such a bad place, even for a few days. I promise that it gets much better next chapter!

The first thing I knew was an all-encompassing thirst.  
_  
Blood.  
_  
Blood.

I needed…

Then, a wrist pressed to my mouth and an order from a voice I knew. “Drink.”

And something primal welled up within me, moving swiftly through the hazy levels of confusion that wrapped around my mind. A vision of life, death, dominion…  
_  
Sire.  
_  
I sank my fangs into his arm and drank greedily, sucking the life-giving liquid out of him and into me. I had never tasted blood before, but instinctively, I knew that this blood, Sire’s blood, was special. Just a little more…

My Sire backhanded me, and I went flying across the room, slamming against the wall and falling to the ground. “A Sire’s blood is a gift,” he warned in a low voice. “You will respect it.” 

Could I speak yet? I thought that I had once been able to… “Yes, Sire.” I bowed my head in shame.

He crossed the room to stand before me, and with one finger, raised my chin so he could face me. “You will obey me.”

“Yes, Sire.”

“You will serve me.”

“Yes, Sire.”

His eyes gleamed with triumph at his easy mastery over me. “Good. I’ve got a little present for you.”

A moan from across the room drew my attention, and I marveled that I hadn’t noticed that overpowering scent before.

Blood. But not just any blood! Every single one of my vampire senses was telling me that this blood was special. It was tastier, stronger, more satisfying… And yet, there was also a fear that overtook me at the scent. I struggled to name it…

“Slayer,” my Sire informed me. “You’re sensing Slayer blood. Isn’t it a treat? I’ve saved her just for your first meal.”

At his permission, I crept across the room to the chained girl. She looked down at me in trepidation. 

“I know you’re in there, Buffy.” But her words smacked of desperation. “Please, Buffy! Don’t kill me! We’ll get out of here, come on, Buffy! Buffy!”

Buffy? Was that my name?

And then, deep within my mind, I felt the stirrings of consciousness. Memories. Recent memories. Ones I’d forgotten since my rebirth.  
_  
Buffy._

“Move along, Buffy. Find some nice one-night stand and leave us alone.”

“Hey! It’s the Buffster!”

“Big Sis! Big Sis! Buffy! Wake up!” 

“I tell ya, Buff. This was a real wakeup call.”

“Buffy. Oh, my Buffy…”  
  
Buffy. That was my name. And now, I remembered almost everything.

This girl in front of me… “Kennedy.”

Her eyes lit up through the blood caked over her face. “Yes! It’s me, remember? The other Slayer? I’m Dawn’s friend. Let’s go home, to Dawn. She’ll help us out.” Her voice reeked of insincerity, but that didn’t matter to me. I’d already decided what I wanted.

“You’re annoying,” I told her, and sank my fangs into her neck.

It was ecstasy! Her blood was so rich, so pure… The best thing I’d ever tasted. Beside me, my Sire, whom I now remembered as Angelus, latched onto the other side of her neck and drank with me, syncing his gulps to match mine, taking blood at the same rate, with me…

When the body was drained, I pulled away with a gasp. The blood was doing something to me, making me hypersensitive to everything around me, and arousing all sorts of sensations in my body…

Beside me, Angelus was also feeling the aftereffects of the Slayer blood. He turned to me, his eyes flashing with a hunger that had nothing to do with _blood_lust, and bowled me over onto the ground. I welcomed the combined pain ad pleasure that followed.

A flash of memory stopped me short. A smooth, pale chest, hair so blond that it was white, laughing blue eyes… _Love_.

This wasn’t like that love, so deep and consuming. This was Sire love, and it couldn’t be erased or fought.

Not even by my memories of love for a different vampire.

\--

“This part is easy,” I scoffed, following my Sire to the Bronze the next night. “I used to do this all the time. You dance, attract, then kill. Easy.”

He turned amused eyes to me. “You used to do this all the time?”

I shrugged. “A few times, anyway. For vampires, not humans, I mean. With Sp-“

Angelus’s growl stopped me in my tracks. “You don’t say that name. I own you now, understood?” He raked one hand down my bare arm, drawing blood.

I growled at the pain, welcoming it. Angelus mashed his lips to mine, splitting his lip on my fang and letting me suck at it for a moment. For some reason, even when I was coherent, which was almost all of the time now as compared to last night, the bloodlust was overwhelming no matter how much I ate.

“It’s because you’re a fledgling,” my Sire had told me. “You may be the Childe of a Master, which makes you more advanced than the typical vampire minion, and the Slayer’s blood helped, but you’re still young and inexperienced.”

Well, now was the time to get experienced.

I inhaled sharply as we approached. “All that blood!” It was intoxicating.

Angelus slapped me across the face with his full power, and my game face receded. “Learn to control that. No one’s going to come to you if you look like that!” 

“Yes, Sire,” I said humbly. 

We stepped into the Bronze, and it took everything I had not to vamp out again. The sweat, and heat, and arousal that permeated the air… And above all, the blood. Hot, viscous blood, running through the veins of the people around me, ripe for the taking…

Without realizing it, I switched to game face. Luckily, we were still in the darkness of the entrance, so no one saw. 

Angelus did, though, and I turned back hastily, before he could hit me again. In truth, I was more worried about his disapproval than the pain. My Sire’s anger meant more than anything.

He chose to ignore my gaffe. “Look around, Buffy. Do you see anyone you recognize? Anyone you want to…take care of?” Normally, he’d told me, he’d send me first to my house. But the Slayer had seen me die, albeit not sired, and she would take care of me before I could slaughter my family. And truthfully (though I kept it from Angelus), I wasn’t really interested in killing them. I didn’t really hold any grudges against my mother or Dawn, and it made no difference to me if they lived or died. The feelings I had once had for my friends and family…they were all gone, and though I could _remember_ having them, I didn’t actually feel them anymore. Not really. Not like Angelus described his joy at killing his household after his siring. Was there something wrong with me? Or was this indifference normal?

I squinted around. One boy, talking up a girl nearby, did look vaguely familiar. “I know him, I think. His name’s…Parker?”

_Yes_. Parker Abrams, who’d wooed me, slept with me, and then cast me aside like I didn’t matter. _There_ I could still summon up some of the anger and hatred. It had been strong in life, and was magnified in this second life of mine.

I glided over to him, enjoying the way his jaw dropped when he saw me. “Whoa. Buffy Summers? Nice getup. You look…wow.”

I smiled seductively, motioning toward the leathery outfit languorously. “Do you like it?”

He bobbed his head up and down, his eyes fixed on my body.

“What’s so interesting?” I purred. “It’s not like you’ve never seen it before.” I leaned over so my lips were tickling his ear. “Or won’t see it again.”

I slid away from him, toward the door to the back alley, my hand outstretched in invitation. He followed, stumbling behind my easy grace.

As soon as we reached the alley, I shoved him up against the wall, laughing at his surprise at my unusual strength. “Parker…” I whispered, nipping and tugging at his neck with blunt teeth.

There was a sharp intake of breath. “Y-Yeah?”

I lifted my head so he could see my game face. “You’re an ass.” Then I swooped down on his neck, biting and sucking with abandon. I threw his drained body into a Dumpster and turned to face my Sire, whom I could sense in the shadows. “What a rush!”

He smiled indulgently and crooked his finger at me. I jumped at him, wrapping my legs around his waist and covering his lips with my own. 

I might have been dead, but I’d never felt more alive.

\--

Killing people I knew was fun, I realized later, licking my lips as I stood. Professor Ritelli hadn’t been half as tasty as Parker or any of my younger targets, but he was equally, if not more satisfying. I hadn’t quite forgiven him for the D he’d given me on the essay I’d been forced to write in Spike’s absence.

_Don’t think about Spike, _I reminded myself for what must have been the tenth time that night. The memories I had of him warmed me, made me feel something beyond the bloodlust and vengeance I’d been enjoying all night. Most of all, I remembered being saved, all the time, by my vampire lover. Now, finally, we could be equals. We could be together as vampires were, like my Sire and I…

No.

I had to stop. Angelus owned me now. Regardless of how I felt about his Childe’s Childe.

“Anyone else you want?” Angelus asked from where he was dropping Ritelli’s TA unceremoniously. 

“You?” I suggested, beaming at the smirk that spread on his face. Nothing made me happier than pleasing my Sire.

“So much better than the crazy nun!” he said wonderingly, shaking his head. 

“Huh?”

He ignored me. “We can head back to the mansion,” he suggested. “Unless if you want to do that redheaded friend of yours?” He gestured vaguely in the direction of my dorm.

Willow. I remembered her. And it gave me a better idea. “I do want to try one more person,” I decided.

We ran with speed and agility, crossing town in minutes before we reached the Harrises’ house. _Xander._ I was pretty sure that I preferred drinking males to drinking females, and who better to try than my only real male friend? I remembered Riley with regret. He was gone by now, in Belize. He would have been fun to eat. Xander wasn’t waking the same excitement for the kill as Parker and Professor Ritelli had, though. I wondered why.

He opened the basement door, squinting out into the darkness. “Who’s there?”

I moved into the light, watching with amusement as he gaped at me. “Buffy?”

“Hey, Xan.” Now that I moved closer, I could see that he was a wreck. He stank of clothing not washed in days, his face had a scraggly beard growing on it, and his eyes looked hollow and empty. Although the last were lighting up as we spoke.

“But Will…Dawn…they said that you were…”

“Dead?” I supplied, smiling. “Just a misunderstanding.” I shivered, wrapping my arms around myself. “It’s really cold.”

“Oh!” Xander’s eyes widened. “Sorry! Come on in, you can tell me all about it!” 

I turned to grin in triumph at my Sire, standing in the shadows. “Glad to.”

He shut the door behind us, pulling me to sit on his bed next to him. “Jeez, you’re freezing, Buffy! How long have you been outside?”

I shrugged. “A while.” I ran my fingers down his bare arm, watching as goosebumps erupted where I touched. “Did you miss me when you thought I was dead?”

“God, Buffy, how can you even ask that?” His eyes shone with indignation. “I know that you don’t like to think about it, but…I love you, Buffy. When I thought that you were gone…”

I crushed my lips to his, molding my mouth to his surprised one. At first, he was still, frozen in shock, then he reacted eagerly, pulling me closer.

I stripped off his rank clothes, impaling myself upon him in moments and riding him to oblivion. And the moment he came, I sank my teeth into his throat and drank up his blood, delighting in the sweet taste of it.

When I finally stood over the corpse, I waited for the feeling of triumph I’d felt before. But it never came. Don’t get me wrong- I wasn’t grieving or mourning. But I wasn’t exulting. 

“Why didn’t it make me happy?” I asked Angelus as we disposed of the body. It wouldn’t do any good for his family or friends to realize that I was on the loose yet. 

He shrugged. “Did you hate him?”

I shook my head. “I don’t think so. He was stupid, sometimes, and made me feel uncomfortable, but I was never really angry with him. It was just what Xander did.”

“There you go.” He bent over and licked some blood from my mouth. “We vampires feed off of our strong emotions. Hate, anger, disgust… Without those, a kill’s just a kill.” He smirked. “But don’t worry. There are ways to make it interesting. The thrill of the chase, the challenge of a good torture… Most vampires have a preference. My specialty, for example, is breaking my victims down.”

“Like you did to me,” I remembered. I couldn’t summon up anger for that, though, not at my Sire. 

“Yes,” he agreed. 

I frowned. “I think I like the chase more.” The idea of torture didn’t really excite me, not unless if it were someone I hated. 

A dark look crossed his face, and I realized that he wasn’t pleased with that. I sought to change the subject. “Was it okay that I had sex with him?” I asked tentatively.

Angelus nodded. “He’s just a human. You can do whatever you want to humans.”

“But not other vampires?” I wanted confirmation.

“You’re MINE!” he growled, pouncing upon me.  
_  
Right. I got it. No Spike._ I remembered the other vampire wistfully. _God, I miss Spike._

But then my Sire was biting me and I could focus on nothing else.

I was home.

Never mind that home felt oddly empty without a sarcastic British bloodsucker at my side.


	21. Chapter 21

I had learned a lot from my first night out, and it carried me through for almost a week. I learned to be discerning about whom to kill, about self-control (though I still wasn’t very good about that), about hiding my tracks. Angelus was there with me the whole time, teaching me, rebuking me, making love to me…

_Love._ I had been so obsessed with it when I was human, finding it and winning it and keeping it. Love had been a sacred word to me, one I only associated with my closest friends and family and…the vampire Angelus wanted me to forget. Now, though, I was a vampire, a sensual being who had no use for that kind of love that I had once desired. The only person I could love now was my Sire, and that wasn’t love in a conventional way, anyway. That was lust and pain and family.

He lay asleep underneath me, his fingers wrapped in my hair. I wondered if he was trying to keep me imprisoned with him. The concept hurt me. I was his; I wasn’t going anywhere. 

I asked him as much when he woke up, an hour or so after sunset.

He laughed. “Buff, you’re not going to run away. You’re my Childe.”

I pouted. “Then how come you always come with me hunting? How come I haven’t been alone since I woke up?”

My Sire shrugged. “Go ahead, go out, have a good time. I’ve got some things to do, Slayers to harass- well, just one, now...” We laughed together. “Just stay away from Dawnie, and don’t get yourself staked, okay? I still have plans for you.”

I nodded eagerly, ready to try a test run on my own.

Angelus watched me leave, a thoughtful look on his face.

The Bronze was dead tonight, literally. There were probably more vampires hunting there than actual teenagers. So I headed for the college campus, where I knew from personal experience that there were always parties.

As I left the party, sated and a little sleepy, I saw a flash of red hair in the distance that made me smile. 

Willow! I quickened my pace.

From the Xander debacle, I knew that there wouldn’t be much of a thrill to biting her. But still… The image of Willow, Angelus and me, travelling the world together, flashed through my head. Willow would make a great vampire. She’d be super-powerful, what with the whole magic thing, and now that my inhibitions were so low, I wasn’t averse to trying out another girl…And I’d missed having a girlfriend around these past few days. 

“Will!” 

She turned, frowning. “Yes?”

“Will, it’s me!” I grinned, pulling her hand so that she could face me.

“Bu-Buffy?” she asked disbelievingly. “But you’re…” Her eyes widened and she ran. 

I caught up to her in seconds. “Hey, wait up! Why are you so afraid of me?” I grabbed her tighter, backing her up against the nearest wall.

“You’re a vampire!” she whimpered. “Oh, god, Buffy! First Miss Calendar, then Xander, and now-“ She stopped short. I could practically see the gears turning in her mind. “Oh, no. You killed…”

“It was a mistake,” I said apologetically. “Well, kind of. But I’m not going to kill you!” I said cheerfully. “I’ll turn you! We’re going to be best friends forever.”

“Oh, no,” she moaned again. “Please…”

I furrowed my brow in confusion. “Look, I know the idea of dying is scary, but it’s totally worth it. When you wake up, you’re going to be stronger and faster and more alive than you’ve ever been before! And yeah, blood- gross, but it’s actually really good once you’re a vampire. Especially Sire’s blood. And I’ll take care of you!”

Willow was turning gray. “I-I don’t…” She started muttering words under her breath, and I clapped my hand to her mouth.

“Oh, that’s not nice, doing a spell on me,” I scowled. “I thought that we were friends.” 

I’d have to move quickly, or she’d work some mojo on me. I vamped out and bent to her throat, letting the hand covering her mouth go.

Willow screamed.

And a blur of black and blond slammed into me, shoving me far away from Willow.

I bared my fangs and jumped at the new threat, but he was too fast for even me. I was on the ground in seconds, a stake descending toward my chest…

And then the enemy finally looked down at me and froze. “Buffy?”

My face lit up. “Spike!”

He looked even worse than Xander. I’d never seen him this pale, nearly translucent from lack of blood. He stank of alcohol and tears, some of which were shining in his red-rimmed eyes as he stared at me. “Buffy?” he repeated, sounding more vulnerable than he ever had before.

“Angelus must have sired her,” Willow said timidly. 

Spike didn’t even look at her. “Willow, go back to your dorm. Tell…tell Tara about this. Don’t tell the Slayer or any of her hangers-on.”

I could hear her receding footsteps, but I didn’t turn to watch her go. I was fixated on the man crouching above me.

He finally stood, his eyes never leaving me. “Come on.” He grabbed my hand and helped me up. “We’re going back to my place.”

I walked beside him, nervous at the silence but warmed by his hand in mine. Angelus was not going to be happy about this. 

And a little, rebellious voice inside of me was telling me that as long as I had Spike, my Sire didn’t matter. 

We reached the crypt, and I followed Spike down to the basement. I hadn’t spent much time there, but I did remember one night spent entwined on Spike’s bed. I inhaled and caught the faintest whiff of the two of us. 

He hadn’t changed the sheets.

I slunk over to him, licking my lips. “Spike,” I breathed, wrapping my arms around his midsection from behind. “I missed you.”

He reacted violently, shoving me away with a grimace. “You stink of Angelus,” he growled with disgust.

I reeled. I’d never felt Spike’s disgust before. It wasn’t a nice feeling. “He’s my Sire,” I said plaintively. 

Spike looked away. “That’s how it always is.”

I fought my lust to understand that comment. And when I did, I was angry. “I’m not Dru.”

“No. You’re worse.” Spike sat on the bed. “I never really had Dru, and I knew it. I knew Angelus came first. But you…”

I moved to sit next to him, but he turned away. “I really don’t want to be smelling that.”

“I’m sorry,” I whispered mournfully. Struck by an idea, I moved toward the back, where I remembered a water pipe. I scrubbed until my skin was red and raw and I could barely smell Angelus at all.

“Spike?” I called, heading back toward the main area of the basement in the fully nude. “Do you have something for me to wear?”

His eyes raked up and down my naked body, and I felt a frisson of lust pass through me. But instead of jumping me, like I’d hoped, he pulled off his shirt and tossed it to me. “Here.”

I sighed at the scent. “Mmm…” He smiled faintly at that. Encouraged, I climbed onto the bed beside him again, and this time, he let me sit with him.

I laid my head on his shoulder. “I’m not going to leave you,” I reminded him, feeling him tense.

“And if Angelus calls?”

“I don’t know,” I said honestly. “He’s my Sire. We have…a bond. You remember.” I thought of Dru, and Spike staking her for me. 

He sighed heavily and turned to meet my eyes. “Yeah.”

I gazed into his eyes and realized that I’d been wrong all along. I’d thought that I couldn’t love, since I’d been unable to love the only person I’d felt close to since I’d been turned. But I still loved Willow enough to want to spend forever with her. And now I knew that I still loved Spike.

“Your Sire has a certain hold over you. You can’t resist him. Like Dru and Angelus. Or me and Dru,” Spike agreed blankly.

“But you broke yours,” I protested. “You staked Dru.”

“Because you were in danger,” he countered. “And I love you more than Dru.”

“Well, I love you more than Angelus, so that should be fine, right?” I retorted.

He gaped at me. “Y-You what?”

“I love you, you dope.” I poked him. “I’ve loved you for ages. Don’t tell me you haven’t noticed.”

In response, he grabbed me by the arms and pulled me onto his lap, kissing me hotly with joy and ferocity. I matched his passion with my own, knocking him onto his back on the bed and wrapping limbs around him.

His eyes gleamed. “You’re strong!” 

I laughed, pulling his head down to my neck. “I had a Slayer this week.”

He frowned worriedly. “Not your sister!”

I shook my head. “Kennedy.”

He laughed and kissed me. “My little Slayer of Slayers.”

“Well, I had help,” I pointed out. 

His eyes darkened and he pulled away. “Angelus.”

“You’re better than he is,” I noted. “He won’t even let me say your name.”

His eyes glinted with mischief. “Think he’s jealous of me?”

“Definitely.” I nipped at his pulse point and he gasped. 

“God, Buffy…”

“Two of my many names,” I quipped.

“Missed you so much…thought you were dead…thought I’d lost you…” He yanked off the shirt I’d been wearing. “Oh, Buffy…”

I kissed his bare chest, frowning at how pale it was. “When’s the last time you fed?”

He gave me a pained look. “Buffy, is now really the time?”

I wagged my finger at him. “You are not wasting away on my watch!” I scratched a thin line across the skin above my breast. “Go ahead. I’ve been doing nothing but feed for the past week. I feel like I’m going to bloat from all this blood…”

He suckled at the cut in long, slow pulls that affected my libido more than my strength. I climaxed in moments and collapsed on top of him. “Wow. That was…”

He chuckled. “Outstanding? Incredible? Spike, you are a bloody sex god?”

I mock-glared. “Maybe I should leave and give you some time alone with yourself,” I suggested.

“Nah. I’d probably just think of you, anyway.” 

I kissed him again. “We need to get you more blood.” He wasn’t quite as translucent anymore, but still dangerously pale. “I can’t have you fade away next time I leave.”

It was the wrong thing to say. He switched to game face and flipped me over onto my back. “You’re not going anywhere!” he growled. “If you want to hunt, you hunt with me! Not Angelus or anyone else!”

I pushed him off me. “Spike, relax.”

“No.” He sat up. “We need to set some ground rules.” He raised a finger. “First. We hunt together. Second.” He raised a second finger in the British style. I raised an eyebrow and he smirked. “No hunting your friends. I’m rather fond of the witches, and even that Janice bird. She’s got spunk.”

I pouted. “But I want to turn Willow. She’s my best friend.” An idea occurred to me. “Hey! I could turn Tara, too! Then they could be together, also!”

Spike shook his head. “Buffy, not everyone turns into the same person.” He stroked my hair. “I never told you that I turned my mother.”

I wrinkled my forehead. “Freud would have a field day with you and your families, you know that?”

He kissed the tip of my nose. “Tell me about it, Auntie Buffy.”

I screwed up the aforementioned nose. “Eww…”

“Anyway, my mother turned was…not my mother.” He looked down. “I had to stake her.”

“No!” I wrapped my arms around him comfortingly. “What happened?”

He shrugged, looking away. “Doesn’t matter. Point is, Red and her bird are two of the best people I know. And if you take away that goodness, they’ll be completely different people.”

I frowned. “I don’t want Willow to die,” I whispered.

Spike pressed his lips to the top of my head. “Shh, kitten. S’ our curse and blessing, and why so few vampires make human ties. You have to say goodbye eventually.”

I tightened my grip on him. “I love you.”

“I love you, too,” Spike murmured. “I was going to kill myself, you know. After you’d been avenged…”

“No!” I kissed him desperately. “Don’t want to lose you.”

“You won’t.” He pulled me back down onto the bed. “We go together, from now on. Feel how strong we are together?”

We made love until just before dawn, and I felt the tugging of my Sire’s call, wondering where I was and what I was doing.

Spike understood what was happening. “Fight it,” he murmured, pressing his forehead to mine. “Feel me, not him.”

With time, I was able to ignore the sensation of Angelus’s call and immerse myself completely in Spike. But I knew it wouldn’t last. And, as reprehensible as the idea was to me, I knew that I had only one option if I wanted to spend forever with the man I loved.

I would have to kill my Sire.


	22. Chapter 22

A loud bang jolted me awake. I groaned. “What was that?” I could hear footsteps upstairs, a familiar scent faint through the trapdoor. Slayer scent.

Sure enough, Dawn was calling out moments later. “Spike! Where the hell are you?”

He frowned. “What does she want?” he mumbled tiredly.

I poked him. “I’m gonna go see.”

He caught my arm before I could get up. “No.”

I scowled. “Why not? It’s not like she’d stake me…” I gaped at the look on his face. “You don’t think she’d stake me!”

“She’s a Slayer, pet,” Spike said grimly. “I’m sure she’s had to stake people she’s cared about before.”

“But it’s Dawnie!”

He pulled on his pants. “You don’t want to be drinking pigs’ blood…or worse, be cursed with a soul, do you?”

I shuddered at the idea of fighting the nature I’d taken to so well. “No, but-”

“So why put her in the position of having to stake you to save humans?” He brushed his lips against mine. “I’ve been living with humans for a while now. I’m starting to get how they think.” 

He started to climb the ladder under the trapdoor. “Now, hush, so the nasty Slayer won’t hear you!” He winked and I gave him a wan smile back.

“What can I do for you, Slayer?” There was my Spike, full of bravado and trying so hard not to let anyone hear the worry in his voice.

I heard Dawn’s sharp intake of breath and tensed, wondering if she’d somehow figured it out. But then Spike laughed lowly. “See something you like?”

“Wh-What? No!” But her voice was breathier than usual and I could hear her pounding heartbeat from downstairs. I growled low in my throat. No one, not even my little sister, was allowed to ogle my man shirtless. Angelus might have believed that human-relations didn’t count as cheating, but Spike was _mine_, and no one was going to touch him.

I stomped over to Spike’s drawer, looking for a new shirt for him to wear. His last one was a shredded mess on the floor, evidence to my getting a little too worked up after hunting the night before.

From upstairs, I heard my Sire’s name and perked up, forgetting my mission.

“-Angelus dusted,” Dawn was saying. “After what he’s done to…” Her voice cracked. “I’m ready to kill him,” she finally said in a small voice. 

“Well, yeah, I’ll help,” Spike agreed. “But I want to work out some things first.”

“What?” I could practically see my sister crossing her arms in my mind’s eye. “Don’t you want vengeance for Buffy, too?”

“Of course!” Spike sounded offended that she would think otherwise. “Just I don’t much fancy you staking Angelus, then turning around and staking me.”

“Well, I’m not letting you stay here and eat people,” Dawn snapped. “Slayer, remember?”

“I want a safe passage out of town,” Spike informed her. “For me an’ my bird. We won’t bother you, you won’t bother us. How about it?”

“Your bird?” Dawn asked incredulously. “Please tell me you’re actually referring to an animal and not a girlfriend!” 

“That’s not your business and has nothing to do with Angelus,” Spike retorted.

I smirked. _Oh, really?_

“Buffy just died!” Dawn continued, outraged. “I thought you cared! But no, you’re just like the rest of them, soulless and heartless and-“ She stopped suddenly. “She’s here, isn’t she? Your skanky ho? I thought I sensed more than one vampire!” Heavy, angry footfalls were heading to the trapdoor entrance. 

I sighed and pulled on some clothes hastily. This was not going to end well.

Dawn jumped down the ladder in two steps and spun around to face me. 

I gave her a weak smile. “Hey, Dawnie.”

Then the Slayer scent hit me full blast and I vamped and headed desperately for the source of the sweet smell.

Spike climbed down after Dawn and struck me with just enough force to send me back to the bed. He came behind me and held me still until my game face receded.

“We’re still working on the whole not-eating-people-she-knows thing,” Spike said apologetically. “And you’re like a vampire magnet.”

Dawn just stared at us, tears welling in her eyes. “Buffy’s been…”

“Turned, yeah,” I confirmed, back in control of myself. “Angelus did this to me. I was only able to leave two days ago, and Spike’s been helping me.” Dawn was crying in actuality now. “Dawnie, it’s okay! I’m fine!”

I stood up to comfort her, Spike still keeping a steady hand on my wrist. She recoiled. “Stay back!” she warned, raising a stake. 

Spike growled audibly, vamping out upon seeing the threat to my unlife. “Put that thing away or I’ll kill you where you stand,” he warned her in a low, furious tone.

Dawn’s eyes narrowed. “Oh, so you two can kill me? I know the drill. You’re not my sister. You have no soul!” 

“Dawnie, it’s me,” I pleaded. “I’m still your sister. Remember your twelfth birthday party, when I brought my boyfriend and no one paid attention to you? You were so furious… Or when we started at Sunnydale and you slept in my room for the first three days- which, probably understandable, since you’d have been freaking out about being the Slayer and all on the mouth of Hell- but you kept having crazy dreams and screaming and I barely slept at all then? Or that time we went patrolling and Spike almost vamped me? Kinda ironic now, I guess,” I added as an afterthought.

But Dawn was shaking her head. “You’re a demon with my sister’s memories. You’re not her.”

Spike laughed. “Is that what they teach the bitty Slayers these days? Makes them better fighters, I’ll bet. It’s a lot easier to kill your friends if you don’t think that they’re still your friends.”

“You don’t understand,” Dawn said derisively.

“Oh?” Spike stalked forward, raising a hand and snatching the stake from Dawn’s grasp. “So let me get this straight. She looks like Buffy. She talks like Buffy. She has Buffy’s memories and personality. But just because she likes eating people instead of animals now, she’s not Buffy?”

“She doesn’t have a soul,” Dawn mumbled. “My sister wouldn’t kill people.”

“Fine. Whatever.” I threw up my hands in exasperation. “I’m not your sister. But that’s so not the matter at hand.”

“Right.” Spike moved back to stand beside me, wrapping an arm around my waist. “We beat Angelus. We get out of town. Everyone’s happy.”

Dawn stared at us, looking suddenly vulnerable. “You’re leaving?”

“What do you care?” I shrugged, feeling a little pissy. “I’m not your sister. Just some random demon, remember?”

“Well, it’s not like I can help it!” Dawn burst out. “I can’t just turn off loving you!” 

“Oh, Dawnie…” I stretched out my arms and she ran to hug me. I vamped out at the Slayer, so close to me, and Spike squeezed my side warningly. 

“You might not want to do that, Slayer,” he murmured, and she looked up at me, startled.

“It’s hard,” I said apologetically. “But I really don’t want to kill you,” I assured her.

She nodded dazedly.

I retreated back into Spike’s embrace. “There’s one other thing.”

\--

It was just after nightfall. Spike and I sat together on the back porch on Revello Drive, listening to the commotion inside.

Mom wasn’t taking this well at all. I heard her crying, denying, refusing to accept anything that Dawn was saying. 

“This is absurd, Dawnie. I can’t believe that you’ve been keeping this bottled up inside for so long.” Mom was pacing back and forth in the kitchen.

“Sounds promising,” Spike murmured from his perch next to me.

“But clearly, the institution wasn’t as effective as we thought, or losing… you know… brought back these delusions.” She sighed. “I’m so sorry, sweetie.”

“Or not,” I retorted, shaking my head.

Dawn exhaled noisily. “Mom.”

“It’s because you didn’t have a strong father figure,” Mom said suddenly.

“MOM!” Dawn had lost patience. “Look outside.”

The door opened behind us. “I don’t know what tricks you and Janice have set up, but-“ She stopped short. “Buffy?”

I reached out my hand to press against the barrier blocking my house from me. “Mom, it’s me. Don’t come closer!” The fear of losing control was much stronger now than before. For the others, I’d been tempted to sire them. But I knew I didn’t want to sire Mom, which made her just food and much more likely to be victim to my baser desires. “I’m sorry.”

Mom’s face crumpled and she ran toward me, disregarding the warning completely. “Buffy!”

Spike moved between us, stopping me from doing anything rash. “Mrs. Summers, please stay inside.”

Her face lit up. “William! You brought my little girl back!” And she was hugging him first.

I chewed on the inside of my cheek in an attempt to keep my game face down. Really, I needed to get used to humans I wasn’t planning on draining. Not that there’d be many more once we left Sunnydale…

“Mom, I’m dead. Well, undead,” I said quickly. “I’m a vampire.”

Mom laughed. “Look, I don’t know what kind of trick Dawnie and you were trying to pull, but-“

I switched into game face. Mom screamed.

\--

It took almost an hour for the entire story to get out, and for Mom to be satisfied. Finally, at the end, I said my goodbyes to my tearful mother and headed back to Spike’s crypt with Dawn and Spike.

Spike frowned, cocking an ear toward the cemetery entrance. “Slayer, I think your friend’s coming.” 

Dawn bit her lip, looking at me. “There’s no time for this.” I nodded and ducked into the crypt.

“Dawn.” Janice ran up, windswept and breathless. “Willow, Tara and I have been working together to recreate the spell, and we think we’ve got it. We should be done by tomorrow, maybe even before then.”

“Really.” Dawn didn’t sound very enthused. I wondered why Janice hadn’t told her beforehand. What had happened between the two friends?

“We’re going to curse Angelus again. But Dawn?” She was dead serious now. “We’re only doing it because he’ll be easier to kill now. We want him dust. And if you won’t do it, then we will. He’d never expect it from us.”

“Janice, he killed my sister!” Dawn said, stung. “Of course I want him dead!”

“Really.” Janice’s voice was icy. “Maybe you could’ve taken care of that before Jenny and Buffy- hell, even Kennedy- died.”

“Now, that’s not fair,” Spike objected.

From the sliver of open door, I could see Janice’s eyes harden. “I didn’t ask for your opinion, _vampire_,” she spat.

I hissed at her tone. I didn’t particularly care about Janice, and if she tried anything with Spike, she’d be dead in a moment. 

Spike’s eyes flickered toward where I was hidden, sensing my anger. “We’ve got a vampire to kill. Anything useful you want to add?”

Janice glowered at both of them. “Just that if the spell works, don’t go soft on us.”

“Don’t worry about it,” Dawn retorted. “Angelus will be dead before you even start the curse. You do your thing, we’ll do ours.”

“Great. Dawn’s new pet vampire,” Janice muttered as she walked away. Spike clenched his hands into fists, but refrained from doing anything too violent.

“Sorry about her,” Dawn said quietly. “She’s not taking Miss Calendar’s death very well, and she needs someone to blame. I haven’t had a civil conversation with her since…that day.”

“Want me to eat her?” I asked hopefully.

Dawn blinked, trying to figure out if I was serious. I wasn’t sure, myself.

“Anyway, we need to figure out how we’re doing this,” Dawn said, businesslike. 

“It has to be me,” I said suddenly.

They turned to glare at me, both their mouths opening to argue.

“No, hear me out.” I held up a hand. “Angelus trusts me. He thinks that I’m his and that I’d never hurt him.” Spike grimaced, and I gave him a winning smile. “Clearly, he’s underestimated how much I love Spike.”

“And how will you explain where you’ve been?” Dawn asked challengingly. “Because if I were him, I wouldn’t trust a missing Childe who suddenly turns up again.”

“You don’t understand just how strong the Sire-Childe bond is,” Spike said softly, his eyes on mine. “He won’t expect it from her.” He’d never really shielded me from facing my own demons before, and he wasn’t going to now. “She can do this.”

I felt a wave of love and gratitude for him. “Okay. Here’s the plan.”


	23. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings at the end, again.

I tiptoed into the mansion, simultaneously thrilled at and dreading what was to come. On one hand, after this, I’d never have to worry about my Sire again. One of us wasn’t going to survive this no matter what, I knew. On the other hand, this was the most danger I’d ever been in- and that included dying. One wrong move, and I’d be gone for good. And I already knew that I’d be doing the wrong thing no matter what.

“Sire?” I called out tentatively. I could feel him close by, his rage nearly palpable in the dusty mansion. Which- _Crap!_¬- hadn’t been very dusty when I’d left.

A moment later, I was being thrown against the wall by a very angry vampire.

“Where the fuck have you been?” Angelus spat with murderous rage. I knew he’d caught the scent of Spike, so prevalent and pungent and surrounding me, when he reached out and smashed his fist into my chest, shattering several ribs in one swift motion.

I forced an innocent smile onto my face, trying to reproduce the naïve Childe I’d been just a few days before. “Oh, I met Spike when I was hunting!” I said happily. “He was so much fun, I forgot about dawn! Then he convinced me to stay for another night...”

Angelus roared in fury, slamming his fast against me again. “How dare you!” he hissed. “You belong to me! Not that sad little peroxide mess!” 

I pouted. “It was just a little fun, for old times’ sake. Did I do something wrong?” I asked, wide-eyed. 

“Idiot!” Angelus snapped at me. 

I grinned inwardly. My Sire hadn’t known me as Angel _or_ Angelus. All he’d known was my body, and I knew he thought that I was just dumb blonde eye candy. I was planning on using that to my advantage. “But Spike got so mad at me tonight when I wanted to leave.” I wrinkled my nose. “Just because I said that I belonged to you. It’s like he thought that I could ever love him as much as I love you. You’re my Sire!” 

Now came the part that I hadn’t told Spike and Dawn, the part I knew that I had to do to make this convincing. I wrapped my arms around the calming vampire and kissed him with all the ardor and passion that I saved for Spike.

Angelus’s hands moved to yank off my dress and he shoved himself inside me before I was close to ready. But I forced myself to moan and sigh, imagining Spike within me, timing his thrusts so he could pleasure other parts of my body as he moved, twisting and kissing and biting-

“AARGH!” I came with an inhuman howl as Angelus did the same, squeezing my arms so tightly that he left bruises along the skin.

I kissed him, smiling. “I missed you.”

Angelus grinned. “Good.” He frowned suddenly. “You’ll need to be punished for your time with Spike, though.”

I licked my lips. “I can hardly wait,” I grinned, slipping my hand into my Sire’s. “But first, let’s go out dancing at the Bronze. I missed you. And besides, I’m hungry.” I caught his earlobe with my teeth and chewed on it as I tugged. “I think we’ll need all the energy we can get tonight.”

He smiled indulgently. “Well, I guess there’s no harm in stocking up on humans.” He raked his hands down my breasts, ripping the soft skin there and lapping up the blood. “Maybe we can find one to join in.”

I clapped my hands in anticipation. Truthfully, the idea wasn’t as abhorrent as it should have been. As much as I loved Spike, there was a part of me that still held my Sire dear. I couldn’t summon up the hatred and disgust I’d felt before he turned me. The Sire-love was a safety in our genetic makeup so that newly turned vampires wouldn’t dust their Sires in revenge for killing them. I could no more hate Angelus than hate Spike.

Which was why he had to die. 

My thoughts spurred me into action. I selected a dress from my closet and modeled it for Angelus, who was more interested in ripping it off of me than of picking the right outfit. So he did. And then did the same to my next dress. And the next. 

I sighed as Angelus grabbed the silky top I’d last put on. Were we ever going to leave? It was nearly midnight and the Bronze would be emptying soon.

I felt a wash of panic at the thought of another day in Angelus’s hold. “But I’m hungry,” I whined. “Spike wouldn’t feed me properly. He kept making rules about who I could eat.” Which was annoyingly true.

Angelus scowled. “Stop talking about him. Let’s go.”

The Bronze was still packed when we got there, and I realized with relief that it was because of our decoy. I gestured at him excitedly. “Look, Sire! Let’s bring _him_ back with us!”

Angelus’s smile widened when he saw who I was motioning at. “Normally, I’d prefer a girl,” he warned me, “But _him_? I’ll make an exception for that. I mean, which other vampire in town would be able to say that he had _Jonathan_?”

I shivered at the image of Jonathan in my bed. Never had there been something so appealing. Except maybe Jonathan and Spike…

“Childe! Get a hold of yourself! He’s coming over here!” Angelus warned me as my idol approached.

Jonathan gave me that heart-breaking smile of his. “Buffy! Clearly, the rumors of your demise have been greatly exaggerated.”

I grinned goofily back, then remembered the script. “Oh, Jonathan,” I put my arms around his neck, pulling him closer. “Want to take this out back?”

“Well…” He looked from me to Angelus, interest in his eyes. “I guess I could slip away for a moment.”

There was a collective groan from the groupies and I resisted the urge to give them a triumphant smirk.   
_  
Jonathan would be a breathtaking vampire,_ I mused.

“Angel, when did you start working on the side of good again?” he asked casually, opening the heavy back door and holding it open for the two of us.

Angelus leered. “Oh, I’ll be working the side of good tonight.”

“Really!” Jonathan grinned charmingly. “Sounds like fun.” Then he slammed the door shut, locking us in the alley.

“Oh, he’s going to pay for that,” Angelus muttered, heading for the only exit between the alley and the street.

Two figures stepped out in front of him, blocking the way. “I don’t think so,” Dawn said, stake raised in her hand.

Angelus’s eyes narrowed in realization. “Oh, you bitch,” he snarled at me. “Now I’ll have to kill you, too.” He started toward me.

Dawn headed him off, swinging her foot forward to trip the vampire. He stepped over her leg easily, bending to twist it as he did. Almost immediately, they were dancing the dance of battle, dodging and attacking and missing and injuring…

“It’s beautiful,” I breathed. 

Spike frowned from where he stood beside me, watching. “Did you have sex with Angelus?”

I scowled at him. “Is now really the time?”

“Oh. Right,” he said sheepishly, joining the fray.

I rushed in, too, loving the fact that I was able to fight with equal power to my peers. Of course, I was still weaker thanks to the whole fledgling thing, not to mention the beating my Sire had given me earlier, but I lasted for minutes before Spike realized my injuries and yanked me out of the fight. It may have still been two against one, but this wasn’t supposed to be a fair fight. This was vengeance.

Angelus tossed Spike away like a gorilla throwing off a dog with its teeth buried in his skin and Spike hit the wall hard. While he was occupied with the other vampire, Dawn produced a vial of holy water from her pocket and splashed it at him, making him roar in pain. She raised her fist. “This is for Miss Calendar!” she growled, slamming him in the mouth.

Angelus caught her fist at her second blow, twisting it until she was screaming in agony. I charged at him, stake in hand, preparing to get him from the back.

He turned just in time and kicked me away with ease. But I was getting used to my Sire’s brand of pain. Barely stopping for a moment, I ran at him again. He kicked me harder this time.

Dawn took advantage of his distraction and kicked him in the groin with full Slayer strength. “This is for Buffy!” she shouted.

He rolled his eyes. “Wow, Dawnie, I always knew that you were slow, but the whole dedicating your punches thing? Not the most creative of moves.” He grabbed her by the head, trying to snap her neck. 

Spike took that moment to make his move, shooting a crossbow with nearly deadly accuracy. Angelus barely moved in time, stopping it from hitting his heart, but gashing millimeters away. He froze.

“Excellent,” Spike said, moving forward, his eyes glinting with a steely hardness. “You die, no matter what.”

But Angelus was still smiling as he turned to me. “Buffy.” 

There was something in his voice, something stronger than ever before. It reeked of authority and something deep within me knew not to disobey it. I moved toward him automatically. “Sire?”

“Don’t!” Spike shouted, but it was too late.

Quick as lightning, Angelus’s right hand swung forward to hold a stake to my chest. “Stay still,” he ordered, still in that same tone. I stood placidly, my thoughts roiling but my demon still. Our Sire had given us a command, and we were incapable of refusing him. “Now, take out the stake. Carefully!”

“Stop it, Buffy!” Dawn said, horrified. 

She made to move forward, but Angelus pushed his stake just a little closer to my heart and she stopped, her eyes wide with fear.

“Do something!” Dawn pleaded. I wondered why she was asking, when clearly, I _was_ doing something. The wrong something.

But she wasn’t talking to me at all. “Buffy,” Spike said in a low voice. “You can fight this, remember? We talked about this.”

I inched the stake out of Angelus’s chest, bit by bit.

“It’s not working,” Dawn said hopelessly. “There must be some way…”

“Buffy, he might be your Sire,” Spike continued, “But he wasn’t always. Do you remember? He disturbed you, attacked you…” His voice cracked. “He violated you…”

I remembered. And within me, the demon roared for just an instant in rebellion and hatred.

“Do you remember feeling like nothing would be okay again? Like he was going to destroy you?”

_Like the vampire in front of you was going to hurt you, kill you, feeling so helpless and unable to fight back, swearing that if you could, you would make him pay for everything he’d done to you and your family…_

The demon screamed. My thoughts were frenzied. My hands deftly pulled the stake out, then smashed down on the one Angelus had been using to threaten me, tearing it out of his hands.

I vamped out and dove for his throat.

He looked startled by my unexpected control, but then the smirk spread across his face again. “You can’t hurt me. You’re just my fledge Childe.” 

I struck him hard, across the face in the spot where he’d hurt me to force his tongue into my mouth. “Wanna bet?”

From behind Angelus, Dawn moved forward anxiously. Spike grabbed her arm and shook his head. She stopped.

Angelus growled. “You don’t strike me!” he snapped. “Ever!” The last little bit of the stake I’d smashed still in his hand, he raised it to stake me. 

In response, I kneed him in the groin with savage strength, and while he was moaning in pain, I grabbed one meaty arm, squeezed, and twisted. His bones weren’t as brittle as my leg had been, so I couldn’t shatter it, but it did make a satisfying cracking sound.

Angelus shoved me back up against the wall of the alley, his eyes dark and furious. I swung my fist with the strength he’d forced into me just over a week ago, and sent him careening into the opposite wall. I ran to him before he could move.

“You.” I punched him in the jaw again, watching with satisfaction as he spat up blood.

“Don’t.” My nails scraped across his chest, ripping his shirt into shreds and leaving dark streaks of blood against his chest.

“Touch me!” I snarled, squeezing his neck with one hand while I grabbed his crotch with the other. To my disgust, he was actually aroused by what I was doing. I squeezed. Tightly. Too tightly, expending every bit of my vampire strength.

Angelus fell to the ground, moaning in pain. I kicked him in the stomach with a steel-toed boot. “Ever,” I finished, glaring down at him. 

My demon was quieted, its bloodlust replaced by something more somber as it looked at what we’d done to our Sire. _I will NOT regret this,_ I chanted to myself, reminding myself of the pain and horror I’d experienced at his hands.

From behind me, there was a gentle touch at my right, and I turned to face Spike. He smiled softly and nodded to my left. 

Dawn stood stock-still, her face set and her stake outstretched to me. 

I reached out to take it. 

Then everything changed.

Angelus’s eyes glowed with a strange force that simultaneously repelled and fascinated me, and he fell to the ground, gasping.

I half-expected Angelus to use our confusion to his advantage and jump up and run away with one last parting sneer, but then he looked up again with soft, bewildered brown eyes and I knew that Angelus was no more.

“Dawnie?” he whispered in confusion. “What’s going on? What’s happening? I-I don’t remember…”

She gazed at him with blank eyes. “Angel.”

He reached to embrace her, but she stepped away. “Dawnie?” he repeated, sounding less certain.

And she raised the stake and drove it through his heart.

His eyes shot wide in surprise and betrayal. And the next moment, Angel, too, was no more.

I felt the searing pain of my Sire being staked and sank to the ground. Spike caught me, wrapping his arms around my shaking body.

Dawn just watched us with empty eyes. 

When we finally rose, she spoke. “Truce lasts until sunrise. You need to get out of town.” Her voice cracked.

“Are you going to be okay?” I whispered, watching her worriedly as the tears started to spill.

She shook her head. “I- God, I hated him far too much to love him anymore,” she whispered, shaking. “I’m just glad it’s over.” Sobs wracked her body.

To all our surprise, Spike was the one to enfold her in his arms. “You’re one of the best,” he murmured in her ear. “You give Buffy strength.”

She hugged him tightly. “And you’re the best vampire I’ve ev-“ Her voice cracked. She tried again. “I’ve ever known. Take care of my sister.”

I smiled at her acknowledgement. “I love you, Dawnie,” I told her, pressing my lips against her cheek and suppressing the urge to bite down on the smooth, tender skin. “Talk to Jonathan, and Janice, and Mom and Giles. They’ll help you get through this.”

“I know.” She smiled at me through her tears. “But they’re not you.”

We cried together this time, I for the folly of mortality and good, Dawnie for the very opposite. 

And it was finally time for us to part.

\--

I curled up next to Spike in his Desoto, wrinkling my nose at the residual Dru scent, all the stronger from being locked in a musty car for months. “Where are we going?”

He grinned. “Wherever you want. LA, New York…Paris?” A beautifully nasty smile lit up his face. “Or maybe Belize to visit Soldier Boy?”

I grinned. “Sounds like a plan.”

I turned around to watch the dark little town disappear. Had it been so long since Spike had first blown into town and blown me away? Not really. But I’d gone through so many changes over these past few months that I knew that I was barely the Buffy Summers, college freshman, that I’d been. Not at all.

I’d been trapped in the mediocrity that had been my life for so long. My sister had battled demons in secret and I’d despaired because of my grades and love life. I’d been happily one-dimensional. Then I’d become a vampire and truly found myself.

I told as much to Spike, and he shook his head. “You’re wrong, kitten. I was in love with you before this last transformation. You’ve been downplaying your strengths for so long that you never even recognized them.” He pressed a kiss to the top of my head. 

I shrugged, feeling suddenly dismal. “Why did you even love me? I was ditzy, and weak, and not nearly as beautiful as Dru…Okay, I was saner than she was, but-“

“You’re brave, Buffy. You’re strong and smart and you gave me a chance.” He smiled ruefully. “I think I fell a little in love with you that first night when you let me in. You were so unafraid of me…”

“What are you talking about?” I rolled my eyes. “I was terrified.”

“But you fought.” He stroked the skin on my neck near Angelus’s mark. “As far as you knew, I could have killed you right then, and you still fought back. And then, when I begged for shelter, you gave it to me and went straight back to sleep!” He laughed. “That’s what makes you the most courageous person I know.”

“But I’m not, inside,” I insisted. “I’m not any of those things. Because sometimes I’m scared and weak and I get all judgy. You don’t see the real me.”

Spike pulled me closer to him. “Pet, I see the real you. And I love it, all the same. I’d love you no matter what.”

And that was it, I knew. The real me wasn’t a human, or a vampire, or even a demon or zombie or Slayer. It was just me.

And the real me belonged to Spike.

It was only fair, I knew.

After all, he belonged to me, too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings for this chapter: Buffy/other (last time, I promise! :D), character death, and some pretty nifty violence.


	24. Epilogue

_Three Years Later_

The man smiled a faraway smile. “She was truly unique,” he told the others gathered around him. “Immersed in the supernatural, yes, and while- some of you may scoff at this-” His eyes lit upon her father with calculated British disapproval. “She was responsible for the fate of the world. And this world will not be the same without her.”

He moved to the side, resting heavily on the arm of the woman who helped him down. 

It was a dark, overcast evening, perfect weather for a funeral if not the perfect time. But Dawn Summers’ mother had insisted on a nighttime procession, for some unfathomable reason, and Giles had reluctantly agreed. The woman didn’t need any more stress in her life, not after losing both her children and the cancer from which she’d only just recovered.

Anya, uncharacteristically quiet, led him over to Joyce. He gave her a wan smile and she nodded back. She hadn’t been very happy with him when she had first discovered the dangers he was thrusting at her daughter, but over time, she’d grown accustomed to it and even proud of Dawn’s accomplishments. When Dawn had sacrificed herself for her younger brother, the boy that never really existed, Joyce had comforted Giles, promised him that she didn’t blame him for Dawn’s death. Dawn had gone with grace and doing her life’s work, a comfort to her mother. And unfortunately, Giles already knew that Joyce must be quite good at coping with grief. She had rarely, if ever, mourned Buffy publicly. 

Little Connor clung to Janice, both their eyes very red with tears. Giles looked away, unwilling to face either one just yet. The pain of knowing that Dawn’s death could have been prevented by Connor’s sacrifice was still too sharp, and Janice was well aware that Giles would have chosen otherwise.

Where were the witches? He peered around, searching in the dark for Willow and Tara, and finally caught sight of Willow’s distinct hair over by the far corner of the funeral party. He made his way over there, blinking when, for a moment, he’d thought he’d seen someone else with them. 

But that was impossible. William the Bloody had left Sunnydale three years ago after helping Dawn defeat Angelus. He’d since heard that Spike had been to South America and then Europe with a new paramour, this one as fair and spunky as his prior Drusilla was dark and sultry. Apparently, the vampire had been moved by his relationship with Buffy, regardless of how brief it had been.

He smiled fondly, remembering the little spitfire who’d never limited herself until she’d been murdered. Giles didn’t like to think about the girl much; it reminded him of Jenny and what he’d lost then. But Anya had been helping him heal for long enough that he could recall that part of his life with less pain. And now, at her sister’s funeral, Buffy would be remembered.

He moved to the tombstone, tracing the words on the marker. 

DAWN SUMMERS 

  


SHE SAVED THE WORLD 

  


A LOT.

  
\--

The Watcher was the last of the well-wishers to leave, close to midnight. 

Minutes after he departed, two figures emerged from the dark. They stood together by the Slayer’s grave for a long time, their hands together and their heads bowed.

Finally, the young woman raised her head and murmured something in the man’s ear. He nodded, and they moved away into the darkness.

It was time to move on.

**The End.**


End file.
